Off on standby
by Companyoffonstandby
Summary: It's Tegan and Sara's last performance of the tour - disaster strikes while new life blooms. It starts off as a medical drama and soon turns into a crime drama. Tegan and Sara fanfic with some characters from Grey's Anatomy, Trauma and Private Practice. Would love to get some feedback. Not Quincest
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was the last day of tour for Canadian twin superstars Tegan and Sara. Both girls were relieved to only have one more show left as this tour was particularly long and gruelling.

"I'm sleeping for a week after we're done tonight….and I'm getting 10 massages. Kinda doesn't feel real does it? Last show of the tour, probably of the album cycle" said Sara standing over her open suitcase in their modern tour bus trying to finish packing a few hours before the start of the final show of the tour. "Hey T, get up man, I don't want to spend more time in this bus than I need to… Tegan!" Sara said and threw some balled up socks at Tegan who was lying in her bunk groggily staring at Sara working. "Ugh, this cold is making me feel every kind of crap, I just can't seem to shake it" complained Tegan. "I really just want to take a nap, I'll pack the rest of my stuff later" she continued. "I'll pack it for you" chimed Lindsey as she stuck her head around the corner of the bathroom; she jumped over to Tegan's bunk and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "You don't have to do that babe" said Tegan. "I know, you've had a hectic few months and you're feeling crappy! I want to do it for you" said Lindsey staring into Tegan's eyes. "Get some rest, you look like you need it…." she kissed her on her cheek. "You're still so beautiful though" She giggled like a schoolgirl. "I've missed you" cooed Lindsey, she was so in love she couldn't think straight. "I've missed you more my angel" sighed Tegan, she and Lindsey haven't seen each other for about three weeks as Lindsey was working on the East Coast while Tegan and Sara were touring the West Coast. Tegan was happy to finally be back in her second home, Los Angeles with the love of her life, her partner for the last 5 years, Lindsey. "Get a room" said Sara slightly annoyed but good natured. She loved Lindsey like a sister, her annoyance was but mostly due to the fact that she herself longed to have the kind of relationship Tegan and Lindsey had at the moment, Sara was very much single and coming out of a 2 year relationship that ended a few months ago. "Well if you insist... thank you sweetie! I'm just going to close my eyes for a few minutes – 20 at most okay, wake me". Tegan coughed weakly while closing her bunk curtains. Sara and Lindsey finished packing in silence and sat in the living room area of the bus. They decided to let Tegan sleep a bit longer than she asked Sara was reading and Lindsey editing photos from her latest shoot. "She's been down for about 90 minutes, do you think I should wake her up" asked Lindsey. "Yeah, she never naps during the day; this is just going to make her moody" said Sara

Lindsey walked over to Tegan's bunk and pulled the curtain open, she was slightly taken aback to see Tegan breathing quite heavily and looking pale, still sleeping, curled up into the foetal position. "Sweetie… Tegan… wake up" Tegan didn't respond "Tegan!" Lindsey said a bit louder while shaking her shoulder lightly "time to wake up baby". Tegan started to stir, eyes still closed. A whimpering sound escaped her mouth. "Baby, are you OKAY?" asked Lindsey concerned. After a bit more coaxing Tegan open her eyes, they were quite bloodshot and slightly puffy. "I really just want to sleep some more…." she said sounding drowsy. Sara walked into the sleeping area holding a cup tea. "hey, I've made you some strong, sweet tea. That should make you feel a bit better? We have a radio interview in half an hour". Tegan was a firm believer that a cup of English breakfast tea could cure a multitude of ailments. "Thanks Sar" said Tegan. Lindsey helped a still groggy Tegan out of her bunk and into the living area. She plonked down onto the couch and sighed "I feel like crap guys, my head may explode any second now". Lindsey took a seat behind Tegan and put her legs around her hips. She kissed her neck lightly and started to rub her neck and shoulders. "Jeez T, you're so tense". Tegan took a few sips of her tea but left the rest when she started feeling slightly nauseous. Tegan enjoyed the shoulder massage and sat with her eyes closed when her phone started ringing disturbing her blissful moment. _MOM_ it showed on the screen. "hey mom!" said Tegan. "Hiiii Tegan!" said her mom in an animated way, it was their thing! "How're you doing mom?" asked Tegan. "I'm really good honey, how are you? Are you feeling a bit better today?" asked Sonia. "I'm okay I guess, just having some trouble shaking this bloody cold" grumbled Tegan. "Ahhh my baby I'm sorry, I can hear it in your voice! Drink some ginger tea and honey" advised Sonia. "Aagh it's nothing, excited to be done with the tour though, I'm exhausted after that, we're getting old" chuckled Tegan. "If you're getting old how must I feel" Sonia protested. Tegan and Sonia continued their conversation for a while. "Mom I've gotta go, we've got a radio interview in 10 minutes" said Tegan sounding tired. "Okay sweetie, good luck! Tell Sara I'll phone her this afternoon" said Sonia. "Okay mom", "Feel better soon, I love you Tegan" said Sonia "love you too mom, and I miss you, gosh I miss you…"

5 Hours later, Tegan stood side stage feeling like she's been hit by a truck. She couldn't understand how this cold could get so bad so suddenly. She started feeling a lot worse during the radio interview. She was very thankful that it wasn't a television interview since she looked like crap! She needed to excuse herself twice to go throw up and since then the nausea hasn't stopped. Sara did a fantastic job with the radio interview and Tegan was sure nobody even missed her. Her head was pounding, her muscles aching and she felt a bit short of breath. She swallowed two aspirins and hoped for the best. She hasn't eaten anything that day except for a few slices of melon and some yogurt in the morning. Everything she put in her mouth came out almost immediately, drinks included. Sara looked over at Tegan with a worried expression on her face. She's never seen Tegan like this. Earlier that day they had a long discussion on whether or not to cancel tonight's show. Tegan felt that it was too short notice and she didn't want to let the fans down, she said she was fine and she would just tone it down a bit during the show. Sara agreed, thinking that she would probably just have to do a bit more work than Tegan but now, looking at her twin sister, pale with sweat beads forming on her forehead she knew that they had made the wrong decision. "Tegan, we should cancel, you look like shit" said Sara worried. "Wow, thanks Sara" said Tegan with a hint of a giggle in her voice. Tegan always had a fantastic sense of humour and it shone through, even in difficult times. "Listen, we're not cancelling, I'm fine okay. The set-list is mostly you anyway. I'll be okay, really!" said Tegan. Lindsey was already in the photographer's pit taking photos of the support act for the night. Tegan felt her legs buckle a bit and she sat down on a large black drum case standing against a wall holding her head in her hands. She sat like that for a few minutes when a wave of nausea suddenly hit her like a baseball bat and she started running towards the ladies room. Sara quickly followed her "Tegan, Tee are you okay?" she asked desperately. Tegan knew she wouldn't make it to the toilet and turned to throw up into a large rubbish bin backstage. Her whole body was shaking. Sara held her hair out of her face with one hand and tried to rub the spasms out of Tegan's back in vain. "It's okay, it's okay let it out" said Sara. Tegan coughed and sputtered, she could feel the vomit burn her throat and her airway "Water…. Water" she wheezed. Ted, the band's long time guitarist and close friend of the girls came running over with some bottled water. "You okay Tee?" he asked genuinely concerned. Tegan stood with her head on her forearm leaning on the wheelie bin. "Fuck!" "Come on T, let's get you cleaned up" said Sara, the worry rising in her voice again. "Gimme a minute" whispered Tegan just before another round of violent heaves followed. There was nothing left in her stomach but her stomach and throat spasmed none the less, leaving her feeling exhausted. Ted handed her a hanky and she blew her nose feeling the vomit burn her nose. Sara put her arm around Tegan's waist to support her while Tegan held on to Sara's shoulder. She led her to the change room and took a wet cloth to wipe her face while Tegan weakly brushed her teeth and rinsed a few times. "Tegan, let's cancel… you're really sick and" Tegan cut Sara off mid-sentence "I feel much better now – let's just get this over with. I'm fine" she protested. Sara took Tegan's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. She did seem a bit better after that violent vomiting session, her face felt a bit warm. "Are you sure? We've got insurance against this stuff you know. It's not a big deal." asked Sara with apprehension in her voice. "I'm sure!" confirmed Tegan "Last show" she said smiling as best she could. "Quin for the win!"

Tegan sat on the couch with her head back and her eyes closed trying to compose herself in the 5 minutes they had before the show time. She breathed through her nose and out through her mouth. Miraculously her blocked nose seemed to have cleared but it felt as if a huge weight was pushing down on her lungs. She tried to cough up the mucus in an attempt to breathe better. The coughing session turned quite violent and she was relieved that she was the only person in the dressing room as they surely wouldn't let her on stage after that spectacle. Sara was outside going through the new set list with the band. "Okay Tegan, you can do this – one more, let's go" she chanted to herself trying to will herself onto her feet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The theatre went black and the visual intro started playing – 30 seconds. Tegan stood with her hands on her hips and threw her head back and closed her eyes while taking a final big breath before she felt Sara's hand on the small of her back. "Okay, here we go" said Sara reassuringly. It always felt good to have Sara right next to her, a security blanket. "You're gonna have to carry this one Sar" said Tegan timidly. "Okay Tee, I've got you" Sara took the lead and walked onto the stage. The crowd went crazy. Tegan put up her arm to wave and immediately felt dizzy; the blinding lights didn't help much. She somehow got to her spot on stage and put her guitar around her neck. Their sound check this afternoon was quite short. Sara sent Tegan to lie down about 10 minutes into it assuring her that she would check her mic etc for her. Tegan hoped everything sounded as it should, including her voice… "Hello Los Angeles! We're Tegan and Sara and we're excited to be here" yelled Sara. Tegan just smiled weakly and turned to Adam to count in the start of "Drove me wild". Tegan messed up some guitar parts and her voice was weak and husky during the first song but not a lot of people seemed to notice since the crowd was singing along so loud you could hardly hear her anyway. Sara glanced over at Tegan a number of times during the song. Tegan was covered in sweat by the end of the first song. This was unusual for her as she hardly ever broke a sweat on stage, especially in a cool, air-conditioned room. Tegan's throat was on fire and she felt a brutal, stabbing pain in her left ear every few minutes. "Guys, this is our last show of the tour, actually this is probably our last show of the album cycle so we're quite emotional tonight" said Sara into her mic. "You know when you're like, over emotional and you're getting towards the end of a holiday or exams or whatever and you're either so sad or so excited to be finished that you get sick? Yeah? Well that's happened to Tegan…" Sara looked over to Tegan, she really seemed to be taking strain, just one song into the set. Tegan put her hand to her chest and made a sad face followed by a smile. "She really is quite sick but she's a trooper and she said she's going to finish this tour with a bang! They wanted us to cancel but Tegan refused" said Sara sounding proud. "Oh you're being so dramatic" said Tegan, softer than her usual stage voice, shaking her head and smiling. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand and tried to take a deep breath but she couldn't, she tried to normalise her breathing in the hopes that it would help ease her pounding headache and slow her racing heart. Sara was talking to the audience but Tegan didn't hear a word. "…right Tegan?" asked Sara turning to Tegan. Tegan didn't know what the question was but she nodded reluctantly and said "right". Sara smiled a worried little smile "... you okay there Tee?" "Yeah sure ... I'm good" Tegan lied and took off her leather jacket leaving her feeling slightly cooler in a baggy sleeveless t-shirt. Tegan hardly sang backup on the next 3 Sara songs, Sara was a pro though and she carried the songs with ease. Tegan just did some basic guitar strums instead of her usual complex playing. It took everything in her to hold her concentration.

The next song on the set list was Dark come Soon – they picked it specifically because it was one of the less strenuous Tegan songs to sing. After a short silence Tegan spoke, "Hi guys" the audience went NUTS, they absolutely adored Tegan. "I'm sorry that I'm giving you such a shitty show…" she breathed heavily. "But thanks to Sara for carrying all the weight tonight" Sara smiled at her. "I'm going to try this one but please, if I go down on stage, don't put it on YouTube" she said jokingly. Jeremy their tour manager and good friend came out on stage with a bar stool "ah look gran, Jeremy bought you a chair" Sara joked. Tegan felt like kissing him because her legs felt like failing any second. "Thanks J" nodded Tegan. She started with "Dark come soon", playing the intro twice as she tried to compose herself. In the dimmer lighting used for this song she could actually see into the audience better. Her eyes searched the photo pit desperate to find Lindsey, she found her and relief flooded over her. "Lindsey took the camera away from her face and smiled a worried smile, she put her hand over her heart and mouthed "I love you" to Tegan. Tegan smiled and started singing "Dark, you know you can't come soon enough for me…" Those lyrics suddenly seemed so apt, Tegan just wanted to be home, in her own bed, sleeping under a fan with Lindsey holding her. Tegan's vocals weren't nearly up to scratch and you could really start seeing how bad she felt. During the guitar solo in the middle she stopped playing and left the work to Sara. She just stood up and faced the back of the stage and closed her eyes. Tegan sang the first line of the next verse but broke down shortly after; the weight on her chest was getting worse by the second. She turned back to face the band and shook her head while playing guitar. She breathed heavily and felt as if she was going to throw up again any second. Before the end of the song she hastily took the guitar off and put it down clumsily and jogged off stage. Tegan ran towards the bucket she placed there earlier and threw up all the water she drank before the start of the song. She was on her knees, tears spilling out of her eyes, bucket between her legs. Jeremy was trying to comfort her, she heard Sara finishing the song on stage "Thank you, guys if you could give me just a minute I'd appreciate it. I just need to check if Tegan's okay" The crowd cheered and shouted "Okay","go", "Tegan we loveeee you" and other supportive things. Tegan heard Lindsey's voice and felt her familiar touch "Baby, oh my god are you okay? What's going on? Tegan!?" said Lindsey sounding worried. Sara jogged towards her "Tegan, what's happening? Are you okay?" Tegan's head was spinning but she tried to put their minds at ease "Guys, I'm all right... I'm okay" she said holding her palm out to them but looking the other way. "I just… I just needed to throw up…. I'm ready to go back out…. I'm sorry Sara" she said turning her head back to Sara and Lindsey looking as brave as possible but still on her knees. Jeremy handed Tegan a towel and and put an ice pack on her neck, it felt so good. Tegan felt as if her whole body was on fire. It was sooo hot. Lindsey was fussing around her and saying comforting things into her ear. The crowd was growing increasingly restless. "I'm okay, let's get back out there" said Tegan. Lindsey and Sara helped her to her feet. She felt slightly better after the icepack and rinsing her mouth. "Baby you're very, very pale! I think you should just go lie down – let's cancel the rest of the show… Please!" pleaded Lindsey. "Linds, let me try one more time?" asked Tegan. "If you feel you can't go on just give me a signal or just get off stage Tegan" Sara said looking worried. "Okay… okay…" promised Tegan.

"Tegan's okay guys" Sara said over the mic. She continued to tell the "bad fajitas" story about the time Tegan threw up on the subway after drinking. Tegan giggled and took it easy through the next Sara song. Tegan eyed the set list – the next song was Call it Off – a crowd favourite. She felt scared; her breathing was growing more difficult with every breath. She held onto her keyboard stand trying to steady herself. She closed her eyes, concentrating to just keep standing! The dizziness was getting really bad and she could hear the sound going louder and softer. After Sara's song she immediately launched into Call It Off, simply trying to get it over as soon as possible, her fingers danced over her guitar strings in auto pilot. It didn't work… She was gasping before she started off "I won't regret saying this this thing that I'm saying…. Is it better" she trailed off …. She struggled to breathe and she felt the room spin. She stopped playing and stopped singing. Sara and the band were keeping a close eye on Tegan stopped almost immediately when they saw she was in trouble. "I'm sorry guys, I can't…. I can't... I'm… I'm so sorry" She turned and walked off stage like a drunk person, the guitar still around her neck – she put her hand up in a small wave to the crowd… Sara jogged over to her and talked to her off mic "You okay?" Sara asked. "I don't know..." said Tegan honestly, she felt her legs tremble and held onto Sara's arm for support. "I think so… finish the show Sar, I'm okay… go on" said Tegan winded. She walked of stage straight into her lover's waiting arms. Lindsey held her while Jeremy removed the guitar from her neck. Tegan felt warm tears running down her face into her mouth. "Shhh baby, it's okay everything is okay" Lindsey led her to the drum case and sat her down tenderly. Tegan leaned her head against the wall… the world spun and the nausea crept back. Tegan felt goose bumps forming on her arms and scalp.


	3. Chapter 3

_Some pretty heavy drama to follow. Good luck reader, stay calm and send me your thoughts if you have a chance. _

_As reference – Dr Kate Morgan looks like Kate Moennig, imagine a Dr Miranda Foster from Three Rivers. _

_Nancy Carnahan is loosely based on the character of Nancy Carnahan in the TV show trauma_

_I'm not a doctor or a medical professional so please give me a break if I get medical things wrong. I tried to be as accurate as possible though._

**Chapter 3**

Dr Katherine Morgan was an Intensivist and Surgeon at the best hospital in Los Angeles. She was on a date with Dr Nancy Carnahan, a trauma doc who spent most of her days out in a helicopter treating critically injured patients in the field. They both had extremely stressful jobs and were looking forward to a relaxed evening of music. Kate was good friends with both Tegan and Sara but she was closer to Tegan. Kate's brother Alex was married to Erin, Tegan's best friend in the world. Alex and Erin was the "IT" couple in Hollywood. Both were immensely successful, beautiful and talented. They were in London at the moment where Alex was promoting his latest block buster movie. Erin and Tegan were inseparable and they spoke on the phone at least once every day when they weren't in the same city. They've know each other for more than 10 years, back when they were both broke, struggling artists and roommates in Vancouver. Kate spoke to Erin earlier that day and they chatted briefly about the concert "I spoke to Tegan earlier today; she seems a bit under the weather? She says she's just exhausted and happy to be done with the tour but I don't know. Anyway, I have to admit I'm happy too, I miss having my friend around" said Erin. "Really? Maybe she's just a bit run down? It's been a long tour. I'll try to give her a Vitamin B shot tomorrow, that should make her feel better. But then again, knowing her she probably won't want it, full of shit that one! Anyway, we're looking forward to the show... O crap, we're now officially late" said Kate. "Send my love, give Tegan a big hug from me and tell her I hope she feels better soon!"

Kate's thoughts wandered back to that conversation as she watched Tegan from one of the VIP theatre booths. Kate looked like a rock star herself, always so effortlessly classy and cool. She was wearing a faded denim jacket and skinny jeans. Pretty much what half the audience was wearing that but Kate just pulled it off so much better. She thought to herself that Tegan looked horrible and she seemed to be taking a lot of strain. "I'm worried, something's not right" Kate said a minute into the show. "She's okay Kate" said Nancy reassuringly. Her concerns grew and as Tegan left the stage the first time Kate got up "I'm going to check on her" she said sounding worried. "All right, let's go. Wait, hang on Kate. There she is. She's back" said Nancy and Kate sat back down. Kate knew that she should been back stage when she saw Tegan clutching her keyboard stand with her eyes closed, she could tell Tegan was breathing heavily even from far away. She got up just before Tegan weakly started Call it Off. "That's it, I'm going backstage" she stated strongly. Kate and Nancy were standing at the stage door as Tegan left the stage. She was banging on the door, desperate to be let in. Somebody eventually opened but didn't want to let them in and only after a shouting match and a long search for her backstage pass and her MD credentials were they allowed back stage "Fucking asshole, I'm a doctor why wouldn't he let me in, she obviously needs help" complained Kate during a brisk walk to find Tegan. Kate was a badass and had quite a potty mouth when she wasn't in front of patients. "He's just doing his job Kate" replied Nancy.

Kate and Nancy found Tegan sitting on a big black crate, Lindsey and Jeremy hovering over her giving her water and wiping her face with a towel. Tegan seemed to have trouble just sitting up. She was slumped against the wall with her eyes closed, breathing heavily. "Tegan, hey buddy what's going on?" asked Kate. Tegan opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times as if to get the picture in focus. "Hey K dawg…" she said weakly, in obvious respiratory distress. Sara was still singing on stage. "All right Teabag, let's get you sorted out…" said Kate reassuringly. Tegan didn't reply, she was drenched in sweat, white as a ghost and breathing very heavily. Kate grabbed a low chair and sat right in front of Tegan – her legs between Tegan's legs. She put two fingers on her neck searching for her pulse. "Pulse is tachy and weak, see if you can get me a number Nance" said Kate, the concern rising in her voice. Tegan's eyes were closed. "Tee, talk to me, what hurts buddy, what's not feeling good?" Tegan was slow to respond... "Tegan... talk to me" said Kate with concern in her voice. "My chest…. head" whispered Tegan weakly and started coughing, struggling for breath. Kate touched Tegan's forehead. "Whoa you're burning up" she exclaimed. "I'm Okay…" Tegan kept saying but in a very weak, hoarse voice with her eyes closed. "Tegan, is your cough dry or productive?" asked Kate, Tegan didn't reply. Kate took her face and lightly slapped her cheek. "Tegan!" she called. "Productive" whispered Tegan and started coughing again. Nancy took the towel out of Tegan's hands and emptied a cold water bottle onto it. She wiped Tegan's face and put the towel around her neck with the ice pack from earlier under it, which seemed to soothe Tegan a bit. "Tegan did you take any drugs today? Any cold meds? Anything else?" asked Kate. "I took some Tylenol this morning and I took two aspirins about an hour before the show…. I...I think I puked it out" said Tegan. "Okay that's fine Tee, just that?" Tegan nodded. "She hates taking meds" said Lindsey looking nervous. Kate took a little penlight out of her handbag and opened Tegan's eyes one by one while shining the light into her eyes. "Pulse is around 130" Nancy said concerned "Pupils are equal and reactive but slightly sluggish. She's very dehydrated" sighed Kate. "She's been throwing up most of the day" said Jeremy. "Tegan …. Hey Tegan buddy… let's get you out of here all right?" Kate said. "I want to go home…. Please... I want to go home… Linds…" pleaded Tegan weakly. "I'm here baby, let's just get you to the dressing room so Kate can make sure you're okay and then we'll get you home all right" Tegan didn't want to fight, she simply didn't have the energy.

"I'm sorry guys, we know this is not what you paid to see and I promise we're going to make it up to you and we're going to refund you these tickets" said Sara. She played another 3 songs after Tegan left the stage but she couldn't will herself to do more. She was in a state of panic and she really just needed to check on Tegan. "Sorry again guys, you were great. We'll make it up to you" The crowd went nuts as Sara left the stage, they started to chant "we love you Tegan" over and over again. Sara felt the adrenaline course through her veins when she saw a group of people hovered around Tegan. She was relieved to see Kate there_. Thank god, a doctor!_ she thought. "Tegan!" she pushed her way through the now rapidly growing crowd to her sister "Tegan... Tee!" she repeated panicked to see Tegan sitting with her eyes closed. Tegan opened her eyes and smiled a weak smile. "Hey Sar, you did good…" she said. "So did you Tee, you did great. You okay?" asked Sara, her hand on Tegan's shoulder. Tegan nodded weakly. Sara felt fear rising as she noticed her twin's lips had a bluish tint to them, contrasting against the paleness of her face. "Kate, should we get her to the hospital?" asked Sara looking stressed. "Nooo… please no hospital" moaned Tegan. "Okay Tee take it easy! Let's just get you into the dressing room and we'll make a call from there" Kate turned to Nancy, "get Tyler and Boone over her now!" she said looking worried. Kate was referring to the two paramedics on duty at the venue. Kate and Nancy bumped into them earlier that evening on the way in. Lindsey and Kate tried to get Tegan to her feet but she was obviously disorientated and weak. Jeremy stepped in and gently took Tegan in his arms and carried her to the dressing room. He sat her down on the couch.

"Let's get her stuff together guys, the medics are on their way, we're going to need to get her to the hospital" said Kate sitting next to Tegan taking her pulse again. Tegan seemed to panic, "No please no hospital! I'm fine, really" she said. "Just relax Tegan, I've got you ok. Take nice deep breaths for me okay" replied Kate. Lindsey wiped her hair out of Tegan's sticky face and whispered to her "Okay baby, everything's all right, you're going to be fine okay, just breathe" Sara was standing at the door trying to keep the crew out. "Lindsey, grab her stuff. Let's get out of here" said Kate as she got up to get some ice while Lindsey went to get Tegan's stuff together. They left her alone for 20 seconds. Tegan got to her feet in a moment of bravery, in her mind she was okay and definitely not going to any hospital. She just needed to pull herself together. As soon as she miraculously pulled herself to her feet she felt the room start to spin, her legs buckled underneath her, everything blurred, and the world went black…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Tegan, sit down!" yelled Kate as she saw Tegan standing, rocking. "Baby!" called Lindsey. "Tee?" said Sara loudly turning around. They all leapt forward but wasn't fast enough to catch Tegan as she collapsed to the floor. It happened in slow motion…. Tegan's eyes rolled in her head, she fell and she hit her head against the sharp corner of the coffee table going down. Her face hit the floor hard and her head bounced off the thin carpet.

"Tegan! Shit, Tegan! Nancy where's those medics!" shouted Kate while making her way to Tegan. "Tegan! O fuck…. Tegan….. Tee" screamed Sara while holding her head in her hands. "Baby! Tegan!" said Lindsey on her knees at Tegan's head. "Nance I need your help, let's turn her" asked Kate calmly. Kate held Tegan's head stable as they turned her onto her back. Kate lightly tapped Tegan's face. "Tegan, wake up for me Tee, come-on" Lindsey looked panicked. "Baby wake up" she said. Tegan didn't stir. Kate rubbed her knuckles over Tegan's sternum trying to get a response to pain...nothing. "Tegan, open your eyes, open your eyes buddy" said Kate sounding alarmed. Nancy had 2 fingers on Tegan's neck "Pulse is thready, I'm thinking we have a BP issue here" said Nancy calm and collected. Lindsey was becoming a bit hysterical. "Come on baby wake up please, please baby open your eyes". "Dammit Tegan, wake up!" exclaimed Sara. Kate turned to Sara "Sara, I'm going to need you to hold her feet up in the air okay, we're going to try and get her BP up. Can you do that for us? Jeremy can you co find those medics please!" Sara picked up Tegan's feet and held them up to her waist, they felt heavy and still in her arms. "Resps at about 22, they're shallow and labored but they're there" said Kate with her hand on Tegan's chest. "Her pupils are reactive and equal" reported Nancy. Kate took some water and spilled it carefully over Tegan's face "Come on buddy wake up for me, you need to wake up now. Sara, take her shoes off if you can" asked Kate. Tegan didn't move.

The crowd around Tegan was growing and was now filled with the band, roadies, the merch girl, the lighting director, the guitar tech. Everyone looked panicked. Kate looked up annoyed "Guys, let's give her some air please!" Nobody moved. "Okay everyone out! Out! Please, outside... now!" she screamed. Only Lindsey and Sara stayed. Lindsey continued to talk to Tegan. "Okay baby, wake up now! I'm right here okay, I'm not going anywhere" Tears were rolling down Sara's face as she stood with Tegan's feet clutched to her stomach. Kate put her first 2 fingers on Tegan's carotid artery in her neck and started rubbing it in a circular motion. She turned to Nancy "I suspect she's in supraventricular tachycardia" I'm going to massage the carotid sinus, let's see if it brings down her heart rate. Where's Tyler? She's burning up!" yelled Kate.

Tegan could hear voices, it sounded as if she was underwater. "Wake up…. Tegan…. Eyes…. Come-on…. Wake up… baby" She felt trapped and she tried to break the surface of the water smothering her... Finally she managed to open her eyes, it took all her willpower. "There we go" said Nancy relieved. "Thank God" muttered Sara and Lindsey kissed her forehead multiple times. Tegan saw so many panicked faces around her "What…. What happened" She felt a sharp, stinging pain on her forehead close to her hairline and picked up her hand to touch it. "Ahhh, motherfucker…" she breathed in pain. Kate couldn't help laughing….. Typical Tegan. Tegan's fingers were full of blood as she removed them from her head. "She's bleeding!" yelled Lindsey. "Okay, let me see" said Kate calmly. "There seems to be a laceration where she hit her head can somebody get me something to stop the bleeding, a cloth, a clean shirt?" reported Kate. Jeremy was back in the room and he handed Kate a band shirt. "Keep pressure on that wound Lindsey" instructed Nancy. Upon closer inspection Kate saw that there was in fact quite a lot of blood in Tegan's hair. Her long bangs just managed to hide the wound quite well. "Hey can you tell me your name please?" asked Kate gently. "Tegan Quin" answered Tegan confidently. "You know where you are right now Tegan?" she asked again. "Uh huh" grunted Tegan "LA". "That's right Tee... can you squeeze my hand Tegan?" asked Kate and picked up Tegan's hand with the blood on her fingers. Tegan squeezed her hand relatively firmly. "That's it, good job." she said to Tegan and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "GCS is 14" said Kate looking at Nancy. "Tegan, I'm going to need you to stay awake for me okay, stay awake! Lindsey you keep her awake okay! Sara you can put her legs on that stool over here if you want" said Kate. Sara felt as if she could faint any second herself so she gladly put Tegan's legs on the stool. Tegan's whole body seemed to now be shaking.

Tegan's chest screamed in pain, it felt as if a boa constrictor was crushing her chest…. her shoulder was now also throbbing after the fall. She was scared. "Mmm okay…. I'm…okay…" Tegan tried to sit up only to be pushed down almost forcefully by Kate. She crashed back down, wheezing. "Stay still Tegan, stay still!" exclaimed Kate looking into Tegan's eyes. Tegan didn't have the energy to fight and she didn't. She was freezing…. Why am I so cold…. it was so fucking hot earlier... she thought to herself. She had black spots in her vision and her hearing seemed to come and go. She tried her best to try and stay awake by staring into Lindsey's eyes. "I'm right here baby" murmured Lindsey. She was scared…. _What's happening_…. "Sss sss sso cold…. Cc cc Cold" croaked Tegan. "You have a fever Tegan, that's why you're feeling cold, you're not really cold. Just relax, we're going to take good care of you okay…." Said Kate reassuringly.

Tyler, one of LA's best medics came running in after Nancy with bags full of medical supplies. "Okay give me the bullet" he called out. Kate rattled off what they knew about Tegan's condition from the limited medical supplies they had to check. "Okay doc what do you need, you're running this" he asked. "Tyler I need a line stat. Nance can you get me a BP. Tyler I need your ears please" instructed Kate confidently. Kate took a pair of scissors from the bag and tore all the way through the front of Tegan's T-shirt revealing her simple black bra. She grabbed Tyler's stethoscope put it in her ears and then put it on Tegan's chest and moved it over her heart and lungs. Tegan was awake but barely hanging onto consciousness. "Stay with me Tee" said Sara, now also kneeling next to Tegan's head. "Okay her lungs are wet and I'm hearing a lot of crackles her we need to move on this" said Kate sounding concerned. "BP's 70 over 50 and falling. Pulse 140"said Nancy with an uneasy look on her face. "Dammit, her veins are rolling I'm having trouble starting a line" muttered Tyler. "I need that line Tyler! Nancy can you do an IO in the meantime I need some dopamine in her stat" said Kate. "Pulse ox only 83, fingertips and lips have blue tint, she's becoming hypoxic fast" said Nancy. "I'm starting her on 100% O2 on a non-rebreather mask, Tyler as soon as you can we need to nebulise her – let's keep an eye on those sats" instructed Kate. "Finger stick glucose is 55. Lindsey has she eaten anything today?" asked Nancy. "Not much, no. She tried but she vomited everything back up" said Lindsey. Kate took an in-ear thermometer and placed it in Tegan's ear for a few seconds "Whoa her temp's at 103.8 can somebody please try and get us some more ice"

Tegan could hardly move.. she felt them putting a mask on her face and she felt herself drifting in and out of consciousness. "Stay with me Tegan" Sara's call pulled her back… "look into my eyes baby, look right into my eyes okay" said Lindsey. Tegan felt nauseous again but not enough to throw up… She felt something tighten around her upper arm. Somebody was holding on to her other arm down and something was pricking her over and over. She felt something cold move over her chest and suddenly felt embarrassed to have her bra exposed to all these people.. She was scared, she was confused, so weak... She felt as if she was being smothered… _Can't…. breath…. So … cold…_.

Nancy took something that looked like a drill out of one of Tyler's bags. She inserted a needle into the front. She took a pair of scissors and ripped Tegan's shirt open to uncover her shoulder. She rubbed an alcohol pad onto it and put the drill to the ball of Tegan's shoulder. "Tegan, just a little sting for 3 or 4 seconds ok…" The drill took about 3 seconds to drill through Tegan's humorous into her bone marrow. It didn't seem to hurt her too much. "OK IO's in – shall I start her on a dopamine bolus and hang a saline drip?" "Yes please - Tyler any luck with that IV?" "I Think I may have it now… yes, okay I'm in. Let's start a lidocane drip on that one, Nancy can you get me glucose and a repeat BP reading please" Kate put the stetoschope back to Tegan's tiny chest. "We're going to need that nebuliser guys….. albuterol with ipratropium please" Kate put her fingers under Tegan's jaw to feel her glands… they were both very swollen… she moved to her armpits and eventually unzipped her pants to feel the glands in her groin… "Glands are all super swollen guys, there's a lot of infection in her body" "Boone will be here with the backboard soon do you want me to do the C-collar?" "Yes please, she hit her head pretty hard I don't want to take chances with her neck" Kate was calm and collected as she took Tegan's confused and scared face into both her hands. "Tegan look at me, look at me" Tegan looked away from Lindsey and found Kate's calm and confident face - it was blurry and at times she saw double but Kate was there and it made her feel safe… "Tegan, you're going to be OKAY, we're going to take good care of you, just stay awake for me, we've got you okay" Tegan nodded… Kate moved on to check Tegan's BP again. "Sar... Sara" Tegan mumbled from underneath the oxygen mask that was now nebulising her and opening her airways with a lot of success. Tegan felt almost immediately better now that she could breathe again. Sara lifted the mask slightly allowing her to hear Tegan but still delivering enough air. "Sara….. will you ….. take care of things here…." She asked out of breath. "Yes, Tegan of course I will, shhhhh" said Sara stroking her hair. "We have that meet and greet don't we?" asked Tegan "Tegan shhh I'll take care of everything just relax…. Sshhhhhh" said Sara soothingly. Tyler moved Sara out of the way to put the C-collar on Tegan. "All right miss Quin – let's get you ready to roll….." "Pressure's going up nicely – 90 over 70" Boone, Tylers partner came rushing into the room with the stretcher, backboard and monitor "Sorry guys, we had a fight with some blood and a fainting fan to deal with – nothing serious though" he said. "Let's get her on that monitor first I want to see what her heart's doing" said Kate. Sara looked horrified where she was now standing holding the drips in the air. Lindsey was slightly hysterical herself but trying to keep Tegan calm. The med team attached some electrodes to Tegan's chest. Tegan was starting to feel better as the glucose, saline and dopamine combo started to kick in. She still felt so cold though and she could feel her body shivering uncontrollably. She felt the BP cuff tighten around her upper arm again. She just wanted to close her eyes for a few seconds but as soon as she did Lindsey freaked out and slapped her face and shook her shoulders. "Normal sinus with no ST-segment elevation or T-wave inversions, but it's weak and I'm worried let's get her to the ER stat" said Kate looking at the monitor.

They carefully rolled Tegan onto a backboard and lifted her onto a stretcher. Tegan felt semi-alert again for the first time since going off stage. "Do we have to go in an ambulance?" She tried her luck. "Yes!" said Kate and Nancy loudly in unison. "Tegan, just shut up and let them treat you" snapped Sara. "Still here aren't I?" said Tegan softly with a hint of sarcasm in her voice "I don't... don't want everyone to see me like this" she mumbled. "I've cleared the hallway and the entire path to the ambulance already"said Jeremy squeezing her hand. Tegan smiled and whispered "you know me well J.." They lifted the gurney and got ready to move Tegan who at this stage look more exhausted than scared, she was clinging to Lindsey's hand. As they started moving Tegan spoke "Sara... Sara?" She seemed to panic when she didn't see Her sister immediately. "Tegan I'm right here" said Sara. "Don't phone mom okay" Tegan said out of breath. "Tegan, I don' t know if…." "Just don't, please…. I don't want to worry her this late, please Sara" Tegan's speech was slower than usual but still quite desperate… "Okay Tegan, calm down I won't call mom … tonight" said Sara. Tegan relaxed. "I'm going to finish up here really, really quick and I'll come to the hospital as soon as I can okay, Lindsey's going with you. Kate and Nancy are going to take good care of you." said Sara. "Sara…. tell them I'm sorry…."

Tegan started to feel dizzy again as they pushed her into the back of the ambulance. "Lindsey, I still need you at her head – just try and keep her calm and awake okay!" said Nancy. Tyler and Boone got into the front of the ambulance knowing full well that Tegan was in the best possible hands with Kate and Nancy. "Take it easy going out Boone, no sirens I don't want a mass hysteria outside please" said Kate. The ambulance slowly started to exit the backstage area. Masses of fans were crowding the exit trying to see if they could get a glimpse of Tegan or Sara coming out. Most didn't pay attention to the ambulance leaving until one fan panicked and screamed "Is that Tegan in there, please don't let that be Tegan in there" The crowd was hysterical by the time the ambulance moved through. They had to be held back by security staff some tried to see into the ambulance. Tegan heard the commotion but concentrated on staying awake by looking into Lindsey's eyes. Lindsey continuously talked to her saying soothing things stroking her hair and face. Tegan's entire body, her skin and face felt so sensitive. The oxygen mask on her face stung her skin and the gurney straps abover her breasts, over her middle and legs holding her felt like knives although they were in reality quite loose. Kate listened to Tegan's chest again while looking at the monitor. "Increase the O2 back to 100% I'm not liking what I'm hearing" said Kate. "BP is dropping again – 70 over 40, I'm increasing the dopamine and opening the saline wide" said Nancy. "Dammit she's crashing" exclaimed Kate. Kate shone the penlight into each of Tegan's pupils again, Tegan's eyelids felt heavy…. So heavy…. She was so so tired… She felt herself slipping and tried desperately to hang on to consciousness. Lindsey was pleading again "Tegan stay awake, baby open your eyes" she pleaded. Lindsey was blurring and started to fade… to…. black...

Lindsey completely lost it when Tegan lost consciousness. "O fuck! Baby come on! Tegan!" she screamed. "Loss of consciousness" exclaimed Kate and shone the penlight into Tegan's pupils again. "BP down to 60 palp" said Nancy. "Tegan, oh god please Tegan!" Lindsey was sobbing. "Pulse back up to 140, resps shallow at 30, pulseox down to 80" said Kate. "Guys step on it, and we're going to need sirens please this is a P1 now" she shouted towards the front of the rig. The ambulance sped up fast and the sirens started screaming loudly. Tegan seemed to be getting more and more pale by the second. "Temp's up to 105" said Nancy. Kate removed the sheet from Tegan's body and switched the air-conditioning onto max and started putting ice packs under Tegan's arms and around her stomach. Tegan's near perfect stomach muscles were contracting causing a clear six pack on her stomach. Nancy was communicating with the ER team on a headset relaying vital signs and other information. A massive bruise was already forming on Tegan's right cheek bone where she hit her face fainting earlier. "Lindsey I need you to calm down okay, calm down, we've got this" said Kate reassuringly but Lindsey was frantic.

That's it for now - Will Tegan be okay? Check back soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The hospital doors swung open automatically as the team with Tegan on the gurney entered the ER. This was Kate's domain and she immediately sprung into full Doctor mode "Okay guys we've got a P1 here – her vitals are all over the place" she yelled. A nurse grabbed Lindsey by the shoulders "I'm sorry mam but you can't go in there, let me take you to the waiting room please" Lindsey lost it "NO, no, no, I'm not leaving her, she's scared and I promised I won't leave her, I'm not leaving her!" Kate saw the commotion and nodded to the nurse "It's okay, let her come in" Lindsey pulled her arm away forcefully and followed the gurney. "Let's transfer on 3, one, two, lift" In one smooth motion the ER team lifted Tegan onto a bed. "Lindsey, give us room to treat her ok, just stay against the wall there" said Nancy. "We're going to need to rapidly cool her guys, temps spiking it's up to 104.8, I want a 12 lead ECG, let's stabilise and then get a head CT, chest CT and Xray, CBC, ABG enzymes, toxscreen" Kate rattled off a list of tests.

The team sprang into action, they cut off what was left of Tegan's shirt and removed her pants in one quick motion. Tegan was lying motionless and unconscious on the bed, exposed and vulnerable in only her underware. Her body was gleaming with sweat, her hair looked as if she just came out of the shower, she was completely drenched. They quickly attacked electrodes to her chest to monitor her heart and breathing. An arterial line was started to continuously monitor her blood pressure. Ice packs and and electronic cooling blanket and pads was placed over and under her.

"I'm going to need a central line and let's start a foley – l want to see if she's making urine, let's up that saline she extremely dehydrated" said Kate before Kate before performing the delicate procedure of attaching a central line into her neck with ease. After a few minutes of treatment Tegan's BP came up and her eyes fluttered open. She has never felt more confused, her head was pounding and there were so many people around her screaming orders looking panicked. She heard beeping and felt people poking and prodding her. "I need a chest X ray stat please" screamed somebody that sounded like Kate._ Where am I? A hospital? _'Lindsey" …. She had a sudden adrenaline spurt which caused her heart to race again when she couldn't see her partner. Her chest still hurt so much and it seems to be getting worse. People were floating in and out of view and she seemed to be hallucinating seeing weird lights, music started to play… music? She felt completely baked! Tripping balls! "Lindsey…" she whispered, nobody noticed… "Lindsey…" she pleaded louder "Hey Tegan welcome back" said Kate "Linds…." Lindsey didn't care about orders right now and she sprung forward "I'm here baby, I'm right here Tegan, right here, you're OK, hang in there" she said stroking Tegan's cheek. Tegan smiled weakly looking content and closed her eyes again… she was pulled back by Lindsey's voice "Tegan! Stay with me!" Nancy shone the light into her pupils again "Pupils equal and reactive, sluggish tough" Tegan felt somebody removing her boy cut panties and open her legs gently, she felt a cold stinging sensation in her vagina as the nurse wiped it with betadine before inserting a tube into her urethra and pusing it up all the way to her bladder. It was sore and uncomfortable but everything happening felt uncomfortable. "Foley's in…. she's not making a lot of urine though, only 5ccs in the bag, and it's very dark" reported a nurse. Tegan could hear Kate's distinct voice "Chest X-ray's back, whoa, yup that's confirmation of pneumonia, let's try and suction her guys" Tegan felt somebody put something in her mouth "We're just putting an oral airway in your mouth Tegan, we just need to suction some of that gunk out of your lungs ok" said a friendly looking girl that looked like she could be an intern. Tegan was scared, she closed her eyes, her body was still shaking uncontrollably. She felt a tube go down her throat and felt her gag reflex kick in, she's always had an extremely sensitive gag reflex. She coughed a few times. Somebody must have given her some meds because she suddenly felt her throat relax. A machine started suctioning – things went black again.

The team had about 4 suctioning sessions of 10 seconds each and they delivered results removing a lot of fluid from Tegan's lungs. "Sounding much better guys" said Kate as she listened to Tegan's lungs. Kate rubbed her knuckles over Tegan's sternum again – the pain pulled Tegan back to consciousness. Kate's face came into view "Hey can you tell me your full name?" Tegan stayed quiet for a few seconds, all eyes on her "uuhhhh... Tegan" she whispered "Yes Tegan and the rest? Full name Tee" asked Lindsey "mmmm …. T Tegan..." she repeated weakly. "Tegan do you know what day it is?" asked Kate "She's a rockstar, she never knows what day it is" said Lindsey looking puzzled. Kate smiled, "Ok do you know what year it is? Tegan?" Asked Kate calmly. Tegan's head felt like exploding and she really couldn't think straight …. She just made a whimpering sound "No? Tegan?... Tegan can you squeeze my hand buddy" asked Kate sounding a bit more panicked than before. She held Tegan's hand and shook it "come on Tegan squeeze my hand" Tegan seemed to snap out of it a bit and squeezed Kate's hand lightly. "There we go buddy" she said to Tegan "GCS is down to 12. She probably has a concussion but I don't think it's more than that, we need to make sure" . "Temps going down – 103.3" said a nurse. "Stay awake Tegan!" said Nancy. "Just until we get a picture of your head okay!" The team continued to give Tegan a variety of drugs through many IV lines and the oxygen mask. "Temps down to 102.5" said one of the interns sounding relieved after what felt like an eternity. Tegan's temperature didn't go down particularly fast for somebody covered in icepacks and cooling devices.

Sara suddenly came bursting into the room "Where is she? Tegan?" she called out "Tegan!" she exclaimed and put her hands over her mouth looking shocked to the core to see Tegan attached to all these tubes and wires. "Tegan I'm here okay" she said loudly. "Sara?" said Tegan weakly "Sar.." Sara jogged over to her bed and grabbed her hand. Tegan had a few less medical people milling around her now. "I'm right here sis, how're you doing" Tegan's eyes just fluttered closed again. "What's going on?" Sara asked looking scared "Kate, what's going on, is she ok?" Sara asked panicked. "Sara, we're just trying to stabilize her right now, we're taking her up for a CT shortly, we'll know better what we're dealing with after that ok" said Kate reassuringly. "But…. How… she's not stable yet? I don't understand…. I… I don't understand…. She was on stage an hour ago… what the fuck….how… I don't' understand" mumbled Sara, fear rising in her throat. "We're doing everything we can OK, hang in there we're taking care of her, we'll know more soon". Sara felt hot tears sting her eyes and roll down her cheek. She hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Fuck…. Tegan please be OK, please, please, please…." She muttered. They started rolling Tegan out of the ER, it took quite a big team to move the equipment with her. Lindsey was still at her side… "Lindsey, you guys can meet us on the 4th floor ok, just ask for CT." said Kate. Lindsey was reluctant to leave Tegan but the lift was full of medical personnel, Sara took her hand and held her back "It's okay Linds, she's in good hands"

Tegan woke up again but was barely conscious when she was pushed into the CT machine…. She felt herself drift away again but was pulled back by Kate's voice through a speaker "Hey Teetee, just keep those eyes open ok, and keep really still ok" she said. _Well that wouldn't be a problem_, Tegan thought. She felt as if nothing could move, she was too weak. A whimpering sound came out of her mouth …. She felt so scared, so alone... _Am_ _I dying_? It felt as if an elephant was standing on her chest, she struggled to breathe and as a result was breathing really shallow and fast, the oxygen mask offering little relief. A tear rolled down her face, that annoyed her. Tegan cried easily and she hated it. A sigh of relief left her lips as she heard a familiar voice over the speaker, it was Sara. "Hey Tee, you've always wanted to have your own spaceship when we were kids… well here ya go! Told you I'd get you one someday" Tegan chuckled weakly but couldn't speak. She could hear Sara's deep breathing over the speaker, from her breathing Tegan could tell that she was upset and it scared her. Sara spoke again: "They're taking good care of you Teetee, hang in there ok we're right outside, right outside…. You're okay!" Another soothing voice, Lindsey: "Baby, you're going to be fine ok, I love you so much, so, so, so much…" Tegan felt herself relax a bit, she didn't know if it was the medication or the sound of her 2 soul mate's voices in her ears.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Ok guys we're going to move her to ICU, we'll be able to better manage her care there ok" said Kate to Sara and Lindsey after the CT scan finished. "We'll have the results of the tests back in about 5 minutes" Kate was a physician who specialized in the care of critically ill patients, usually in an intensive care unit, an intensivist, the best in the business. Sara and Lindsey knew she was in the best hands possible but that knowledge offered little comfort. "Abbey's going to take you to the ICU waiting room, once we get Tegan settled in you can sit with her again – just give us a bit of time" Sara looked like a lost little child… "Oh...Ok…."

About 15 minutes later Kate came walking out of the ICU, now wearing an ICU gown and gloves over some scrubs. Gone were her funky denim jacket and skinny jeans. Jeremy, Ted and Adam was with Lindsey and Sara now, they instructed the rest of the crew to go back to the hotel because they couldn't have that many people at the hospital. Jeremy was trying to comfort Sara and Ted has his hand on Lindsey's back. "Hi guys, let's sit down" said Kate gently. "Doctor, what's happening, how is she?" asked Jeremy sounding spooked. "Call me Kate please… okay here's the lowdown guys. From what we can tell, Tegan has got a very serious lung infection, probably pneumonia. We're managing her oxygenation and we've got her on about 7 different antibiotics right now. We've suctioned her lungs again and she seems to be breathing a bit more comfortably now after the meds. Now, these symptoms are really horrible. I'm very surprised she made it as far as she did through that show! She was probably experiencing chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, chills. She's quite a badass! We're worried about her blood pressure which is super low right now, that's what causing her to lose consciousness so often. We're managing it with fluid replacement and some medication, she was critically dehydrated when she got here, probably from throwing up the entire day and perspiring so much. When we got here her fever was close to 106 – that is critical in itself. However we managed to get it down through vigorous cooling and it's around 102.5 right now, it's still high but it's manageable. We're still sending some cooled saline into her and we've got her under the cooling blanket. We're managing it as best we can. The CT scan we did on her showed that there's no brain haemorrhaging but she does have a concussion, it's not much to worry about though, she just needs to take it easy, which she surely will over the next few days. I was worried about her cheek and jawbone, as you saw there's already a lot of bruising but the CT shows no break, just a hairline fracture. The cut on her forehead required about 6 stiches. They did a really great job and there shouldn't be a lot of scarring, it was a pretty clean cut. We're still running some tests but that's what we know right now." reported Kate. "Is she going to be ok Kate? Tell me she's going to be ok…" pleaded Sara. Lindsey just stared in front of her in a state of shock. "Sara, we're doing everything we can" said Kate. "No don't tell me that" Sara screamed annoyed "Is she ok! Will she be OK!" Kate took her hand in both of hers "Sara I don't know, I don't know. All I know is right now... Tegan is really, really sick ok. I'm … I'm sorry guys… We're doing everything…. I think she's going to be ok, she's young, she's fit, she's healthy, she should be ok... She's a fighter!" Kate didn't know what more to say, what to say to comfort them… she felt like she was punched in the gut … it killed her to see her friend like this.

After an hour or more of waiting and pacing outside Tegan's ICU room the girls saw Kate coming out again. She looked tired and worried. Both Lindsey and Sara jumped up as soon as they saw her. It was 2.30 in the morning. "Hi guys, well, she's finally stable! The drugs seems to be working and her respiratory function seems to be improving. Her sats are up her BPs up, her temp is down to an acceptable level. She's busy rehydrating. She's doing ok." reported Kate. "Thank god" Sara sighed. Lindsey had her hands over her mouth and just nodded as a tear of relief left her eye. "You want to see her? The drugs we're giving her hits pretty hard so she's out like a light, which is good, she needs plenty of rest right now. I think that she probably feels like she's been hit by a truck right about now" Said Kate.

Sara, Lindsey and Kate stood outside the door leading to Tegan's room in the ICU, they have been briefed on the hygiene protocol of the ICU and had to scrub their hands and wear gowns over their clothes and covers over their shoes. Kate took one hand from each girl "I just want to let you know what you can expect when we go in" said Kate in a calm voice looking both of them in the eye. "Uhhh... ok" muttered Sara. "Tegan is hooked up to some machines so there's a lot of wires, we use those to monitor her heart and her lungs, her blood work, temperature and so on she has quite a few tubes going into her arms – just ignore those ok, they're all helping her get better, if you ignore them it's just Tegan sleeping…" Lindsey took a deep breath "Ok let's go, I wanna see my girl"

Lindsey's hands were shaking as they stood outside Tegan's room – Kate took her one hand and held it, calming her instantly. She has never been more scared. Her mind was racing… They stepped into Tegan's room – it was quite spacious, boxes with x-rays and other scans on the walls, a large window, the blinds were drawn, the lights were dimmed. Tegan's bed was in the middle of the room, so much equipment around it. Sara immediately jogged over to the bed but Lindsey froze at the door… she was breathing deeply trying to compose herself, she could feel the emotion building in her throat which started stinging and feeling thick.

Sara looked at every inch of her twin. Tegan looked so small, so helpless in that bed, she was in a hospital gown, covered from the waist down in a sheet. Her tattooed arms had a lot of IV lines going in and a BP cuff around her left arm. Electrodes on her hands. So many IV bags… so many wires… The red light of the pulseox meter on her finger shone eerily in the dim light. Sara could see a lot of electrodes on the part of Tegan's chest and neck not covered by the gown. Quite a large plaster covered a section of her neck, a tube with 3 ports attached to it was sticking out under the plaster. Sara thought to herself that the central line looked bloody sore! Tegan's mouth and nose was covered by an oxygen mask, some condensation was forming inside the mask. Her forehead and face had small sweat beads on it. There was a large bruise on Tegan's cheek bone and around the side of the right eye. Her hair was pushed back out of her face and was matted from sweat and blood. The cut on her forehead had a plaster over it and a goose egg seemed to form under it. Dark circles were forming under her eyes. Tegan looked pale but peaceful for the first time that day. Her chest was moving up and down rhythmically. A high tech monitor was showing numbers and lines and percentages, it made a rhythmic beep, beep, beep sound, the sound soothed Sara. She took Tegan's hand and held it tight. "It's ok sis, you're ok Tee, you're ok" she chanted.

Lindsey sat on the other side of the bed with Tegan's other hand in hers, she held it up to her chest with both hands. She then kissed the back of Tegan's hand over and over and held it to her cheek. Tears were spilling from her eyes again. Sara and Lindsey sat next to Tegan's bed for the remainder of the night. Medical staff came and went regularly, checking on Tegan, listening to her heart and lungs, checking the monitors. Neither Lindsey nor Sara got any sleep. Sara tried to sleep a few times but her mind was racing and the ICU was a busy place. Instead she just put her head on her arms on Tegan's bed and stared at her sister. Lindsey was wiping Tegan's forehead gently with a damp cloth. Dawn was starting to break outside. The few hours next to Tegan's bed was pretty uneventful and for the first time Sara felt a little more relaxed, things seemed to be under control.

Kate came into the room and gave Sara a pat on the back. "Hey, why don't you go get some air, get some coffee, we need to do a few tests and checks" said Kate. "Is everything OK? She seems ok?" asked Lindsey with concern in her voice. "I think so, we're not 100% happy with a few numbers, her pulse ox in particular and she has a low grade fever again, but we've got it under control, we're getting another x-ray and chest CT to see what's changed since the first round." Said Kate. "Is she going to wake up soon?" asked Sara. "Yeah, I think we're going to try and wake her after this round of scans. We need to check her mental status….. guys, she's haning in there, she's doing good okay" said Kate reassuringly. "I need to phone my parents…. What do I tell them?" asked Sara staring at the needle in Tegan's hand. "Just tell them the truth Sara, if you want me to speak to them I will?" offered Kate "Yeah, maybe, I don't know….. should I tell them to fly to LA?" Sara asked her voice changing pitch suddenly. Kate took a few seconds before responding "I don't know Sara… but I do know that if my kid was in ICU I would want to be there" "I just feel like…. Telling them to fly here would be like telling them Tegan is dying…" Sara started sobbing again.. "No Sara, it's just telling them that Tegan needs their support right now, you need their support. You shouldn't have to go through this alone"

Sara sat in one of the smaller ICU waiting areas. The main waiting room was filled with band members and tour managers sleeping on couches. They trickled in through the night, unable to keep themselves away. Lindsey was standing next to the window staring at the warm glow of the morning sunrise holding a cup of coffee. Sara stared down at the iPhone screen in her hands. It showed a photo of Sonia smiling with the word 'Mom' above it. She sighed and took a deep breath and pressed dial. Let's do this! She looked at the time on her wristwatch "5.55". The phone rang quite a few times before a cheerful Sonia answered "Hey Sara!" exclaimed Sonia. "Hey mom" Sara sounded dejected. "Wow, it's super early for you to be up! Even I'm still sleeping" said Sonia with a yawn. "Have you two been rockstarring last night and you're still awake or did you wet the bed" Sonia asked jokingly. Sara smiled and thought to herself '_hardly_'... "No... um…." Sara breathed heavily in order to try and pull herself together. "Sara…. Sweetie is everything ok?" asked Sonia, concern rising in her voice. "Mom...um…." Sara struggled for words. "Sara what's going on – talk to me" said Sonia now sounding slightly panicked. "... It's Tegan Mom" Sara's voice broke with emotion "Oh my god what happened" said Sonia immediately. "Mom, it's ok she's ok…. Sit down" Sara tried to calm her mother down. "What's going on Sara!" asked Sonia "Mom, Tegan felt really bad yesterday with the flu. We thought she was ok to go on stage, she seemed ok mom…." Sara trailed off. "Sara! What happened" yelled Sonia causing Sara to jolt. Sara took another few deep breaths before continuing "Mom, Tegan had to leave the stage a few songs in, she was so sick… and then….. she collapsed in the dressing room and... Umm… Kate was there so they took care of her immediately…." Sara tried to explain, her mind racing with images of the previous night. "O my god" Sonia gasped on the other side of the line "Is she ok Sara" she asked sounding scared. "They took her to the hospital in an ambulance mom, she.. she's in ICU mom" Sara started to break down and was soon sobbing "Sara, Sara listen to me, what's wrong with her, Sara! Is she OK?" Sara tried to talk but the only thing escaping her lips were more sobs. "Sara, let me speak to one of the doctors or nurses sweetie, is Lindsey there?" asked Sonia, emotion building in her voice. Sara handed the phone to Lindsey. "Sonia, hi it's LB" said Lindsey. "What's going on – is Tegan OK, talk to me Lindsey" Sonia was on the verge of breaking down. Lindsey was relatively calm "Sonia, she's got a really bad case of pneumonia, she's having trouble breathing and her fever was really high when she came in, her fever is down right now and she's on a lot of medication and IV's and stuff and… ….. It's really bad Sonia…" said Lindsey now becoming emotional again. "No!" Sonia was hysterical on the other side of the line "No, no, no, my baby girl!" Kate walked in and heard Lindsey talking to Sonia and eyed Sara crying with her face in her hand. "Let me talk to her Lindsey" she said calmly. Lindsey handed the phone to Kate. "Sonia, it's Kate… shhh just calm down for a second" she said trying to calm Tegan's mother. "Kate, please…. What's going on" Sonia was now crying. "Sonia, Tegan is in ICU right now and we're taking really good care of her but she's very sick" said Kate honestly. Kate talked to Sonia for a few minutes trying to put her mind at ease as much as possible before handing the phone back to Sara who seemed a bit calmer now. "I'm coming to LA, I need to see my baby" said Sonia determined. "Mom, I'm going online right now and I'm booking you a flight. You just pack, I'll text you the info as soon as I have it. Mom, don't worry, she's ok… she's going to be ok" said Sara trying to convince her mom... and herself.

_That's it for today guys. I'll try and post some more chapters tomorrow. Try not to worry too much ;) Reviews please!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

6**.**25 LA / 13.25 London - Erin was standing frozen in the same spot on modern balcony overlooking the River Thames for staring out in front of her for a minute straight looking dazed. She was a gorgeous woman, dark hair hanging on her shoulders. She looked stylish as ever in a beige blazer with jeans and flat pumps. Her husband Alex walked out into the cool afternoon breeze fiddling with his wristwatch. Alex was every bit a movie star, it was easy to see why he was firmly on the A list. His short dark hair was still wet from his earlier shower, he squinted his blue eyes as he looked into the low hanging sun "Honey I'll see you later, have fun shopping" he said, Erin didn't reply. "Sweetie?" he asked walking towards her. Erin turned around slowly looking as if she'd seen a ghost. The phone in her hand dropped to the floor. "What's wrong" asked Alex sounding concerned. Erin brought her hands up to her face and held them over her nose and mouth and sunk onto her haunches staring in front of her. She shook her head trying to make sense of the conversation she just had with her best friend's life partner. "Erin what's up" Alex asked and bending down to Erin, her arms dropped to her thighs. He lifted her chin and she seemed to snap out of it. "Tegan..." she took a deep breath "Tegan's really sick... she'sin ICU..." she said, her voice and her hands now starting to shake. Alex helped Erin up and led her out of the cold London breeze into the luxurious loft kitchen and gave her a glass of water with some sugar in. Erin often had issues with low blood sugar and a shock like this usually triggered her problems. He lifted her onto the kitchen counter in one swift movement. They heard a knock on the door and saw it open before they could reply. Alex's manager was standing with aniPad clutched in his hand looking at his schedule "OK Alex let's go we're behind schedule" he said not bothering to look up. Erin always thought Jack was rude but today she couldn't stomach looking at him, she turned her head the other way. "Not now Jack" said Alex still standing in front of his wife, one hand on the counter and one hand on her shoulder. "What do you mean not now? We're late, get your ass movingMorgan" said Jack sounding annoyed... "I said NOT NOW Jack, can you give me a minute please" said Alex firmly,turning his head towards the door. "Jack I'll be down as soon as I can, this is important please" said Alex sternly. Jack muttered something under his breath and left the room. Alex never pulled this kind of stunt so he knew this was big, whatever it was. "Talk to me Erin, what's wrong with Tegan?" Alex asked gently lifting her chin again. Erin told Alex everything she knew about Tegan's condition, everything an emotional Lindsey told her when she phoned a few minutes ago to speak to Tegan to find out how their show went the previous night. Alex put his forehead against Erin's. Erinclosed her eyes and breathed in his familiar, fresh aftershave smell through her nostrils. She loved that smell, nothing in the world evoked the feeling of safety and security more than that specific smell. Erin pulled his hips towards her. She was still sitting on the counter. She put her arms around his neck and head on his shoulder, her hands were still shaking. She started crying softly. "Do you want to phone Katy?" asked Alex. Kate was Alex's sister, they were very close. "Yeah, I ... I don't want to bother her if she's busy though. But Lindsey didn't really give me a lot of information you know... She seems to not be thinking straight" said Erin. Erin could hear the phone ring in Alex's hand... it rang a long time before Kate's voice message came on. Erin's shoulders slumped "I don't know what to do Alex... I ... I think I should go back to LA" she said tentatively not expecting Alex's answer "I agree honey, they need you now more than I do" he said kindly. "I don't want to let you down babe but Tegan... I need to be with her... god she's got to be okay... please let her be ok" said Erin looking down. With that Alex's phone started ringing, he answered after one ring. "Kate... yeah that's why we're phoning..." He put the call on speakerphone. Kate updated them on Tegan's condition. Erin felt relieved to get information from Kate first hand but was now convinced that she needed to be in LA. "Listen to me, hey, look at me Erin..." coaxed Alex, Erin looked up. "She's your best friendin the world and she's really, really sick... She needs you. I can deal with a couple of red carpets on my own. Go! I just wish I could go with you... I'm going to ask them to cut this promo tour short and I'll be back in LA before you know it okay" he said. Tegan was like a little sister to him, a knot formed in his stomach just thinking of her sick. "Thank you ... I love you Mr Morgan" said Erin, Alex gave her a soft kiss on the forehead before getting on the phone and arranging a flight for her. Erin seemed to get more and more desperate to get out of there – she was running from room to room looking for things, panicked. Alex grabbed her shoulders "Erin calm down! We'll bring your stuff, just go! Go! You need to be at Heathrow in 20 minutes"

6.50 - _Where am I, _Tegan thought. Her mouth felt as if it was filled with cotton wool, her throat was dry and it burned, it felt as if somebody placed a massive dumbbell on her chest and her head hurt. She tried to open her eyes but couldn't. What was that annoying beeping sound, and that hissing. She could feel something on her face and became aware of warm hands in hers. She tried moving her fingers and heard an immediate "She squeezed my hand Sara, she's waking up!" The voice sounded distant - _Lindsey_? "I'm calling Kate" – _Sara_? She tried to open her eyes but couldn't. _Come on Tegan open your eyes, open them! _she told herself but with no luck. "she started to feel panicked when she still couldn't open her eyes "Tegan, baby open your eyes, come on sweetie" she heard Lindsey's voice. Tegan tried to force her eyes open but still nothing. "Tegan, wake up knucklehead" said Sara good natured. _Sara, help me… _She felt somebody touch her eyelids and pry them open. She saw a brief outline of a person and then a blinding light moving in and out…. In and out…. Now the other eye… in and out…. In and out... "Pupils equal and reactive" she heard an unfamiliar voice say_. Where the fuck am I_… Tegan felt as if she was in a big black hole, she started to hyperventilate sending a vast array of monitors into a frenzy. "Whoa calm down Tee, let's give her one of amidex" _Kate_? Whatever they gave her seemed to help and Tegan's eyes opened and her breathing normalized. "Good morning sunshine" she heard Lindsey say. "Hey Teetee" Sara said with a huge smile. Tegan tried to speak but whatever was on her face was preventing her. She moved her facial muscles. She tried to lift her arm to her face but it dropped to her chest half way up and sent her pulse into a frenzy. "Just relax Tegan, shhhh, you're in the hospital. You've got a nasty infection here but we're taking good care of you ok" said Kate reassuringly. Tegan really wanted what she now figured out was a mask off her face and she moved her arm again. "Pulse up to 130, resps at 22" said the unfamiliar voice again. Kate instinctively knew what Tegan wanted and she moved the mask to the side of her face. Tegan felt somebody put something in her nostrils and around her ears, it must be one of those oxygen lines she thought to herself. She gathered her thoughts and spoke "Whaaa…. Where am I?" she slurred. "You're in the hospital Tegan, you're sick baby, but we're right here with you ok, we're right here and we're not going anywhere! They're taking such good care of you baby. You're gonna be just fine! Just fine. I love you so, so much my angel" Lindsey looked terrible Tegan thought to herself, black rings under her puffy, red eyes. She was still super happy to see her! She tried to speak "Hmmm okay... I'm okay" she breathed. "Yes Tegan you're ok" she heard Sara say and turned her head to the familiar voice. "Heeeey Sasa!" Tegan sounded drunk, Sara chuckled "Hey Teetee!". "Hey baby" she said squeezing Lindsey's hand. "What the fuck… ?" she said lifting her hands weakly and looking at the wires and tubes. They all started laughing, relieved to see Tegan talking and joking again! "We've got to get some medicine into you buddy. Leave the tubes okay, they're giving you meds" said Kate with her stethoscope on Tegan's chest. "Theseee…. drugs are... goooood" Tegan slurred jokingly. "Yeah, and they're making you pretty high I see" said Kate with one eyebrow raised. Lindsey took her hand again, kissed it and started crying, so did Sara at first sight of Lindsey's tears. "Heeey guys, I'm ok" said Tegan groggily... "I'm... ok". "Just happy to see you awake Tee, happy tears" said Sara. _What's going on? _ thought Tegan. Everyone seemed pretty freaked out? She felt a bit sleepy, sore and dizzy but what could be so bad? Why was she in the hospital? "I... love you guys….." Tegan said slowly. "Love you too Tegan, shhh now, rest ok" said Sara. "I love you so much it hurts Tee" said Lindsey kissing her hand again "so, so much… my sweet sweet angel". "You need to get some rest now Tegan" said Kate stroking her messy, dirty hair. We'll get you cleaned up later today"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

8.10 – Sara was standing in the small hospital visitor's room shower letting the hot water pelt her aching neck muscles. She was so tired; she closed her eyes for a few seconds and felt herself nodding off. She pulled herself together again and started washing herself. She thought about seeing Tegan awake earlier and smiled. _She seems okay, she's fine Sara, she's going to be fine... just relax. _Sara repeated these words in her head over and over again.

9.05 - Tegan woke up feeling groggy again after what seemed like ages but what was in reality only about 2 hours. She tried to ascertain whether or not she was feeling better. She seemed to be breathing a bit better and her headache felt better but every muscle in her body seemed to be screaming in pain. She felt as if she was tied up in a boxing ring for 12 hours and had the crap kicked out of her. Lindsey and Sara was there again, it felt good to hear them whisper sweet and supportive things to her. She was too tired to really communicate back but she squeezed their hands and nodded when they asked her questions. She's never been happier to have them with her. _Everything will be fine. Lindsey's here, Sara's here…. They will make sure I'm OK. _Tegan told herself. Two nurses bought in what seemed to be a portable wash basin to wash Tegan's hair and to give her a sponge bath. Tegan looked and felt so much better after the sticky sweat and dry blood on her body and in her hair was washed out. She fell asleep almost immediately after the cleaning session and was out cold for the next few hours.

11.30 - Sonia came jogging down the hall, she saw Sara standing in the distance and immediately felt emotional seeing her youngest looking alone, lost and scared. Sara briskly walked up to her and wrapped her arms around her mother and held her so tight. They both broke down and started crying. Sara couldn't let go, she wanted her mom to hold her tight forever and tell her that this was all just a dream, that everything was ok but she didn't…. She just shook with emotion in Sara's arms. "Are you ok Sara?" asked Sonia concerned, she took Sara's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. "Sure mom, I'm fine… Tegan… Tee is…" Sara stumbled over her words. This didn't happen often. "Where's Tegan Sara, show me where to find Tee" asked Sonia. "They've taken her for some tests mom, she'll be back soon. Let me take you to Lindsey" Sara led Sonia by the hand to Tegan's room, Lindsey was sitting on a chair outside and jumped up when she saw Sonia "Sonia! Thank god you're here!" exclaimed Lindsey and hugged Sonia tight. "She's ok Sonia, she's going to be fine. The doctors seem happy with her progress. I think she's feeling a lot better" reported Lindsey Not sounding very convinced. The group moved to the waiting room and was informed a few minutes later by Kate that Tegan's CT scan showed some improvement, she was sleeping now but they could see her. Sonia immediately sprung into full on mom mode and asked Kate a myriad of questions. Kate answered all her questions calmly and with great empathy, she had a bedside manner unequalled in that hospital. Calm, empathetic, gentle.

Sonia walked into her daughter's ICU room trying to be strong. She didn't know what she expected but she did not expect Tegan to look this bad. She had so many machines around her, so many IV lines, her face was pale and her cheeks seemed sunken in. Dark circles around her eyes. The eye with the large bruise around it was swollen, she could see her lips through the mask and they seemed cracked and dry. She gently kissed her on the forehead, stoke her hair and took Tegan's one hand in hers and held it in both of hers. She started crying but shook her head and pulled herself together. Sara was standing next to her and had her hand on her shoulder. She needed to be strong, for Tegan but also for Sara who seemed to desperately be looking for an anchor. "Mommy's here honey, you're gonna be just fine, I promise" said Sonia softly. Tegan opened her eyes… "Mom?" asked Tegan groggily… Talking seemed to take everything she had out of her.

Tegan was so relieved to see her mother... Some days you just need your mommy, it doesn't matter how old you are. She tried her best to communicate with Sonia but everything seemed to hurt when she spoke... and her mouth and her brain seemed to not be on the same page. She made a lot of whimpering sounds before finally being able to get some words out. "Mommy" she smiled weakly… "hey honey, how are you feeling" asked Sonia. Tegan was scared but seeing her mother there calmed her. "Hmmm, ok… I'm ok" mumbled Tegan. "What…. are... you doing here?" asked Tegan in obvious pain, sweat beads started forming on her nose from the effort. "My baby girl is in the hospital, do you really think that ANYTHING would keep me away" said Sonia and kissed the back of Tegan's hand again. I spoke to your Dad and to Bruce and they're both on their way – I tried to stop them from coming but they insisted. "Cool" said Tegan very softly. "Mom…. I'm... so happy ... you're ... here..." said Tegan winded. "I'm right here Tegan. I'm not going anywhere, you just rest and get better ok!" said Sonia smiling although pain was evident on her face. "I'm fine...' mumbled Tegan sleepily... " I'm ok..." she said at the end of the short conversation and felt blackness creep back... she tried to fight it with all her might but her eyelids fell closed and the outside world was switched off.


	9. Chapter 9

13.30 - "Sara, the media is having a field day outside and the fans are going nuts. There's A LOT of them. I think you should prepare a statement?" said Tom, Tegan and Sara's manager. "It's none of their business Tom. Can they give us a break... for fuck sakes..." said Sara annoyed. "I know Sara, it's just that right now everybody's speculating. The media are throwing around the word drugs and ..." Tom got cut off by an irate Sara. "What the? Drugs? DRUGS? Are they fucking serious? Tell me they're not fucking serious Tom" she screamed shaking her head looking disgusted. "They're grasping at straws and until you send out some kind of statement it's going to continue. The fans just want some kind of confirmation that she's ok, some of them slept outside last night waiting for word on her condition" said Tom "Really? Are you serious?" said Sara looking stunned. Sara always underestimated their level of fame. "I just... can they give her a moment of privacy... a fucking moment... she doesn't deserve this... ahhgg!" vented Sara. Said Tom and switched on the television and flipped through the channels. "It's on the news Sara, the main news not just E! news and MTV" Sara stayed quiet and clenched her jaw. He got to a news channel and Tegan and Sara's faces appeared in the top right corner of the screen. It was one of their promotional shots. Sara thought to herself that Tegan looked amazing in that shot. He turned up the volume "... Quin was taken to a Los Angeles area hospital last night after collapsing after their very shortened show last night. Miss Quin was apparently feeling ill on stage already and was clearly struggling to perform." said the news anchor. A video seemingly sourced from YouTube started playing and showed Tegan struggling through dark come soon. A fan's voice in the background sounded confused "Something's not right... what's wrong with her? Oh my god Tegan" the voice-over continued. "She left the stage abruptly earlier in the evening but returned looking pale. A few minutes later she left the stage again mid-song and did not return" The screen was filled with photos, obviously taken the previous night, photos of Tegan looking pale and exhausted and at the brink of passing out. One of her with her eyes closed steadying herself with her keyboard stand looking down, one of her at the mic, head thrown back with a tear rolling down her cheek. "Fuck... fuck... fuck! ... Bastards!" whispered Sara to herself. Another YouTube clip showed on screen _"I'm sorry guys, I can't... I'm sorry_" said Tegan "So far it is not clear what caused Ms Quin's medical woes but right now everything from drugs, to pneumonia to alcohol to cancer is being mentioned in the media as possible causes. Nothing has been confirmed or denied by the Tegan and Sara camp and we are still waiting for a statement. Meanwhile, these fans of the band have spent the night outside on the lawn of the hospital waiting on word on the condition of their idol. Security around the Quin twins is tight and they were not allowed inside the hospital." The camera cut to some fans looking worried, a sort of shrine to Tegan was forming behind them. Photos, stuffed animals, flowers, banners. "We're just so worried about her, we're going to be sticking it out here waiting to hear if she's ok" said one fan "we love you Tegan" screamed a group of fans. Nobody paid attention to the suspicious man standing to the right of the shrine, hands in his hoody pockets, emotionless... Sara got up abruptly and switched off the TV.

"You do it please, I can't... I just cannot deal with this now... Please do the statement Tom" Tom stayed quiet for a few moments "Sara, some of these fans... you're like family to them..." Sara cut him off with a loud "yeah well we're not! Tegan is not public property!" she felt disgusted with herself the moment the words left her mouth. _Way to go asshole _she scolded herself in her mind. "They just want to know if Tegan's okay... for some of them you're all they have... I'll draft something and you can check if you're happy with it" Sara just stared out the window and put her hand head in her hand and her elbow on her knee. A few minutes later she walked over to where Tom was sitting with his laptop in a different waiting room. "I'm sorry Tom... I'm an asshole" she said looking at the floor in shame. "You're not an asshole Sara" said Tom gently and got up to give her hug. A tear left Sara's eye. Sara wasn't a big hugger and this was one of the main reasons why. Hugging triggered crying. "I'll do it... I'll write something" said Sara. "I can do it if you want to, and I won't think you're an asshole Sare" said Tom. "No, I think I owe them this... the fans not the media.. fuck the media..."

Sara sat with her Macbook air on her lap, she was logged into their website and staring blankly at the screen. _How do I do this?_ She started typing. "Last night" ... she pressed backspace until the page was clear again. "It is my" backspace, backspace, backspace... "I" ... "am"... "freaking"... "out"... she typed slowly, she gave a large sigh and backspaced again until she was left only with the I... "It is..." Backspace, backspace, backspace. "I am sad to confirm that my sister Tegan received emergency medical treatment last night after our appearance at the Fonda theatre. After leaving the stage early due to illness, Tegan collapsed in the dressing room" Sara breathed heavily. _How much detail should I give?_ "Two medical doctors were with her at the time and she received immediate and excellent medical attention. Tegan was transported to the hospital via ambulance and admitted to the ICU in a very serious condition with a very high fever and a serious respiratory infection. Tegan's condition has since improved slightly. The medical team is optimistic about her recovery. Her condition is now stable though serious. Tegan is in the best possible hands and we as Tegan's family and friends are grateful for the excellent medical care she is receiving. We would like to thank all of our amazing fans for their unwavering support. Please continue to keep Tegan in your thoughts and prayers. We love and appreciate you! Sara xxx "

16.00 - Sonia was sitting next to Tegan's bed watching her eldest give rapid, shallow breaths. It was around 4.00 in the afternoon. Since Sonia's arrival Tegan's condition has been stable, though serious and she has been asleep. Lindsey and Sara were both finally taking a nap in the family room outside. Tegan was paler than she's ever seen her and her hands were cold and clammy. Sonia looked up at Tegan's heart monitor, she didn't know what any of it meant but she's always had a strong, inexplicable instinct when it came to her daughters and she had the dreaded feeling that Tegan was getting worse not better….. The number 88 showed in green, 89, 86, 89… heart rate. There was another number… 85 with a % sign next to it which Sonia assumed was pulseox. Tegan's lips were trembling under the oxygen mask. She must be having a dream… Sonia stoke her hair, Tegan's forehead felt warm. "Mommy's here Teetee, mommy's here" she whispered.

17.00 - Erin burst into Tegan's room panting as if she was running. "Tegan, Tegan... o my god... Tee" she started sobbing when she saw Tegan. Sonia left Tegan's hand for a minute and got up to give Erin a hug... "Shhhh... Shh, Erin she's ok... sshh" Sonia tried to comfort Erin. Erin walked over to Tegan's bed and put her hands over her mouth... "I think I'm gonna throw up..." she said as Sonia pushed her down into a chair. "Tee, Tegan... hey friendo..." Tegan didn't stir and Erin didn't say anything else she just held her friend's hand... a few minutes later she whispered "you're going to be ok Tegan, you fight this ok... you fucking fight this Tegan" Tears spilled from her eyes again. Tegan could hear everything going on but she couldn't move... Erin, I'm here she wanted to scream but she stayed still... she listened to Erin's pep talk. Erin could give a pep talk like nobody's business... but today she seemed timid, nervous...


	10. Chapter 10

_Shit's about to get real guys... Stay strong and send a review please! _

**Chapter 10**

17.30 - Sonia and Erin sat next to Tegan's bed, neither of them talking. Something started beeping fast , the sound of an alarm…. Sonia was startled by it, she looked at the monitor that now had the word "alarm" flashing on the screen and then at Tegan who's breathing was even more shallow and rapid. "We need help in here" screamed Erin out the door. Immediately a resident and a nurse came rushing into the room. A good looking female doctor took her stethoscope and listened to Tegan's heart while the nurse looked at the monitors. "Page Morgan – her temps spiking and she's tacky" A minute later Kate came rushing into the room. "Talk to me guys" she exclaimed "I'm having trouble managing the arrhythmias" said Dr Altman, the cardiology resident. Kate stared at the monitor and shouted orders "... and I need a rectal temp guys" They rolled Tegan onto her side and inserted a thermometer into her rectum. "104" said the intern sounding panicked. "She's spiking fast said Karev." For the next hour they struggled to keep Tegan's heart beating in a normal rhythm and to keep her temp down.

18.30 - "Her lungs are very wet we need to suction again, pulseox is crashing, 79%. Call respiratory! We need to get her on a vent" yelled Kate. They suctioned her lungs while her pulse was increasing rapidly and her body started shivering. "Breath sounds not great guys we need a portable x-ray up here stat! I can't wait for resp to get here, we should intubate I don't want to lose the airway." said Kate. Sonia was crying, Sara and Lindsey was next to her, holding her tight. They were standing next to the wall, out of the way. Pulse is up to 150" said Dr Altman. "Get me some adenosine she's going into supraventricular tachycardia" exclaimed Kate. "Come on Tegan, work with me" Kate mumbled under her breath. "Ok Karev, I'm going to need an echo please." Kate took an echocardiogram of Tegan's heart and had a very concerned expression on her face. "I'm not liking what I'm seeing at all guys" she said. The room was filling up now…. A large number of doctors were working on Tegan, trying to stabilize her but to no avail. Tegan's condition deteriorated by the minute. "Temps up to 106.2…" Tegan was completely covered in ice packs, cooling blankets and given a variety of drugs to bring her fever down, nothing was working. Her fever continued to spike.  
"Dammit guys we need more ice packs, cool the room some more, we need to get this temp down NOW!" yelled Kate. One of the nurses screamed "She's not breathing, respiratory arrest" Karev calmly said: "No breath sounds on the left or right let's bag her, get an intubation kit ready"

Lindsey, Sara, Erin and Sonia were forced outside earlier and was pacing the hallway nervously. Sara saw a light above Tegan's door – it was red and it was on…_ what does that mean_?

"OK let's intubate" said Kate. Tegan started shaking uncontrollably, every muscle in her tiny body violently contracting "She's seizing" screamed Kate. Let's get 1mg of menadil and dexadril in her. They turned Tegan onto her side as she continued to seize for about 30 seconds. An alarm sounded… Tegan's seizing stopped… so did her heart…..

Sara was staring at the red light above Tegan's door, suddenly it turned blue and was blinking on and off….. "Code blue, ICU 1, Code Blue, ICU 1" a voice said over the speaker system" _That's Tegan's room_…. Lindsey felt her legs give way under her, she was standing against the wall and she sunk to the floor slowly…

"She's coding - we've got VF on the monitor let's prepare to shock her at 200, I'm starting cardiac massage" exclaimed Kate. More people came rushing into Tegan's room, including Sara. She looked around in distress. The room was crazy. Kate was standing on a small step pumping vigorously on Tegan's chest. Somebody had a mask over her face and was pumping air into her lungs. Somebody removed Tegan's gown from under Kate's hands and placed 2 orange pads on her naked chest. One above her right breast and one below her left. "Epi's in" shouted a nurse "OK let's shock her at 200" said Kate as she took the defibrillator paddles from the nurse. "OK everyone off - Clear – Shocking" Sara watched in horror as Tegan's body contracted from the current moving over her heart" She looked up at the monitor that continued it's wining and squiggly line. "Still V-fib charge to 300 please" "Charged" "OK everyone clear – Shocking" This time Tegan's body contracted significantly more causing her back to lift slightly off the bed" …._. Come on Tee…. Please... don't do this._.. Sara thought. "No change on the monitor let's go again – 360 - stay clear – shocking" yelled Kate. Tegan's entire upper body lifted off the bed. "Dammit no conversion I need a back board and another one of epi please" said Kate loudly. The team rolled Tegan's body and lifted her onto the backboard that would improve the quality of chest compressions. "Continuing cardiac massage" said Kate. She was pumping profusely on Tegan's chest "Come on buddy, come back to me, come on" she said under her breath. Sara stood frozen in one spot, holding her breath… unable to move a muscle.

Kate felt and heard a small pop under her fingers "dammit broke a rib" she mumbled. She continued with deep chest compressions, sweating as she did so. "Do we have a pulse with compressions?" she asked looking up. One of the team members felt for a carotid pulse in the neck and one for a femoral pulse in the groin. "I've got a strong carotid" said the one "kinda weak femoral but it's there" said the other. "30 Seconds of compressions remaining before rhythm check" said the lady recording the code. "Can somebody check on those labs please" asked Kate while still pumping hard on Tegan's chest. Tegan's body was jerking from Kate's hard compressions. "We need to switch after this shock please and I'll intubate her" said Kate. "I can do it" said one of the interns. "I'll do it – I want her vocal cords untouched!" Said Kate quickly. "Ok rhythm check in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" Kate stopped pumping and stared desperately at the monitor "No change – no pulse, still VF" let's shock her again at 360" Kate looked panicked as she grabbed the paddles and put them on her friend's chest once more "everyone clear - Shocking" Sara heard the machine make a thump noise again, everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. Kate stared at the monitor which for a second or two showed a flat line and then some life giving spikes. _beep, beep, beep, beep_ – "Got her, she's back in sinus" exclaimed Kate relieved. Sara felt somebody putting their arm around her and lead her outside, she was on autopilot – in complete shock…

"Pressure's only 60 palp, let's up the dopamine" said Dr Altman. "Dr Morgan, there's still no breath sounds, she's in full respiratory arrest." said Karev listening to Tegan's lungs. Kate moved to the head of the bed where Karev was still bagging Tegan. Tegan's entire mouth had a blue tint around it. "Pulseox please" she asked. "PO at 69 only" said a nurse sounding concerned. Tegan's heart didn't like this and she was having a wave of PVCs.

"OK Teebag just stay with me" muttered Kate. Kate tilted Tegan's head back and opened her mouth. She put the sophisticated laryngoscope blade down Tegan's airway. "I need some cricoid pressure please" she said urgently. Karev placed two fingers on Tegan's throat and pressed down. "I need video please" Somebody switched on a video screen feeding from a small camera at the end of the laryngoscope blade… "Ok I see the chords" the tube was placed down Tegan's airway "and I'm in" Kate conveyed calmly before pressing the plunger connected to the balloon at the end of the tube "Ok bag her" she said calmly. The resp tech pressed the ambubag attached to the end of the tube rhythmically, forcing air into Tegan's sick lungs. "Ok breath sounds are equal bilaterally. Bag her with 100% O2 at about 12 bpm, let's get her on a vent asap" said Kate while holding the stethoscope over Tegan's chest. "Temp's 104.5" said Karev. "OK guys we're going to need more ice, let's send some cooled air down that vent and flush some cooled saline.

Tegan's entire body was still shivering violently from the fever. Tegan started seizing again "Not again!" Yelled Kate. "One of decodrone please" Tegan stopped seizing but her heart monitor alarm was sounding again. "She's in SVT again, let's get 6mg of adenosine - rapid IV bolus please." Tegan's body jerked and shivered a lot less after a round of seizure meds, her heart rhythm returned to normal slowly. "Temp's down to 102.5" said a nurse "Good, good let's keep doing what we're doing – Dr Altman I'm going outside for a minute to update the family can you run this please"

Kate stopped by the door just before exiting – she breathed deeply with her hands on her sides. And slowly exhaled through her mouth as if to calm herself. "You want me to do it?" asked Altman behind her, hand on her shoulder. "No I'm good, just taking a moment" said Kate slightly embarrassed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Kate found Sara, Lindsey, Sonia, Erin, Jeremy, Ted, Tegan's dad Stephen and stepdad Bruce all looking sick with worry in the family room they were obviously forced into. They pretty much all jumped up when they saw Kate except Sara who looked almost catatonic and staring blankly out in front of her, Mike had his hand on her back, rubbing in circular motions. Kate felt worried immediately, she remembered seeing Sara looking on horrified as they were resuscitating Tegan. Sara seemed to be in shock. She held up her hand and said "She's Okay! She's okay! Just a minute guys, I'll be back in a minute" and walked back out. She found Dr Arizona Robbins, a clinical psychiatrist at the hospital almost immediately "Robbins, do you have a sec?" She updated Arizona on what happened during the last few hours and how she was worried about not only Sara but the rest of the people sitting helplessly in the family room. Arizona entered the room with Kate and subtly started looking at the group of family and friends. They all seemed pretty traumatized and in shock, red eyes, dark rings but one girl was just staring out in front of her, looking pale. _She's pretty_ thought Arizona, _she looks so lost_… She watched her closely as Kate started talking "Guys, lets sit down for a minute" she said. "What's happening Kate, is she OK?" asked Bruce, fear evident in his voice. "Tegan's had a very rough couple of hours, she became very unstable very quickly, her temp spiked again and we had a lot of trouble controlling that and her heart rhythm. Guys…. Tegan coded and..." "what exactly does that mean?" interrupted Ted. "It means that her heart stopped….." said Sara staring emotionless in front of her before Kate could answer. Sonia had her hands in front of her mouth again and everybody gasped. "No no no" said Lindsey over and over again. "We managed to resuscitate her… hear heart is beating strong again but I'm afraid both her lungs collapsed" Lindsey looked as if she was going to throw up any second now, she put her head in her hands and started rocking herself. "We've got her on a ventilator because she can't breathe on her own – the vent will assist us greatly in managing Tegan's pulmonary recovery. She's also in a medically induced coma. She doesn't seem to be responding to the antibiotics as we hoped" She continued telling them about the new round of antibiotics, Tegan's temp management and more. "Tegan is stable right now but her condition has deteriorated and is now critical" she said looking a bit dejected. Tegan's dad started crying and had his hand in front of his mouth as if to hide it. "I want to move Tegan to critical care" she said. "Why… what's that" asked Bruce. "It's pretty much like ICU but the ratio of staff and patient is less and we've got more equipment there. It's basically just a secluded section of the ICU, it's a bit more quiet and private. The main thing is that we manage the CCU like an operating room. Any kind of bacteria of virus can be fatal to a patient in Tegan's condition. Anybody entering the CCU gets scanned by a monitor to detect any kind of temperature fluctuations indicating a possible infection, we also do finger prick blood tests every 12 hours on visitors and staff, we wear masks and gowns." explained Kate. I need to see her, please let me see her" begged Lindsey. "Lindsey, we're still busy stabilising her but as soon as we do and we get her settled in the CCU you can see her for a few minutes okay."

About 90 minutes later Kate led Lindsey and Sara into Tegan's ICU room. Visitors were allowed in pairs and for very short periods of time. Sara and Lindsey were both wearing masks and gowns. Sara was like a zombie... she walked to Tegan's bed and stared at her sister. The room was dimly lit. Sara's eyes followed the tube that went into Tegan's mouth, breathing for her, it was taped to her face. Another tube went down her nose. Tegan's lips were pale and cracked. The bruise on her face was getting darker. _This isn't real_ thought Sara,_ this can't be real, this is a dream_... _wake the fuck up Sara._... Lindsey was holding's Tegan's hand that now had even more tubes in than before. "Lindsey..." said Sara "is this a dream?" Lindsey looked up at Sara confused...

Everybody was allowed to see Tegan for a few minutes only before the team started treating her again. Hours later, the medical team was still actively treating Tegan so no visitors were allowed. Lindsey excused herself from the room and walked aimlessly until she found the dark, closed cafeteria and sat at one of the tables. Her mind was racing so fast..._ Why, how, why my Tegan... _Her mind wandered to three weeks ago when she was sitting in this same cafeteria, at this same table... Tegan was sitting opposite her holding her hand in both of hers, smiling, joking... "Hey, I know you don't want to get your hopes up again sweetie but... I dunno, I have a good feeling this time..." said Tegan sweetly. Tegan really wanted a baby, with everything in her! "Jeremy's going to start charging us for hard labour for all this sperm" she joked... "You know what Tegan" said Lindsey, "I'm glad we're using your eggs this time, I've had a feeling all along that was how we have to do it, perhaps mother nature is just agreeing with me with all these failed attempts. I can't wait to have a mini Tegan running around" she smiled.

Tegan and Lindsey had been trying to get pregnant for a few months. They tried artificial insemination the normal way twice, and Lindsey's eggs were harvested, fertilised and planted back twice. None of the attempts worked and it was really starting to get to them. After extensive tests on both Jeremy's sperm and Lindsey's eggs the fault was found to be with Lindsey's eggs. It was an emotional rollercoaster, to top it all off they had to deal with it during short tour breaks. This time they didn't tell anybody, not even Sara or Jeremy. They didn't want to share disappointing news with them... again. Dr Adison Montgomery was a specialist in the field and suggested that they consider using Tegan's eggs instead of wasting more time trying with Lindsey's eggs which could be viable after a few months of treatment or, could possibly not be. Lindsey was adamant that she wanted to carry their first child. She was older than Tegan and wanted the experience before it was too late. After careful consideration Tegan decided that it was a good solution. It would be kind of special to have Tegan's biological child carried by Lindsey... it would create a special bond. They had harvested Tegan's eggs a few days before and fertilized it. Adison seemed very optimistic and told Tegan and Lindsey that two embryos were growing and could be implanted. This was decision time.. Did they want to keep both or take a chance with the bigger embryo. "I just ... Linds I don't think it should even be up for discussion" said Tegan "I hear you Tegan, but let's just consider this carefully please. I'm not saying no, I'm just considering the options" said Lindsey. "If we keep only one and it doesn't work, I would go crazy wondering if the other one was the right one" said Tegan passionately. "We can freeze the other embryo" "No Lindsey, I don't ... it... it doesn't feel right freezing our baby!" said Tegan looking down. "You're not freezing our baby Tegan!" Said Lindsey sounding amused. "Chances are that neither will implant if we look at my history" said Lindsey while wiping a tear from her cheek. "Don't say that Lindsey, don't..." Lindsey hated fighting with Tegan. It didn't happen often but she couldn't do it... The discussion went on for about 15 minutes... "Honey, if we're meant to have twins we're meant to have twins... I'm one and I didn't turn out to bad, my mom's still sane... it will be cool, besides, the doc said that the chances of both implanting is actually very small so... come on babe" pleaded Tegan. "Ok, let's do both..." said Lindsey, Tegan smiled from ear to ear "Yes!... It's gonna work this time baby..." Lindsey sat with her hand on her stomach imagining Tegan's gummy smile... she hadn't thought about the possible pregnancy since Tegan's been admitted. She lost all track of time and wasn't sure what day it was. She looked at her phone screen to check the date. She saw a red 54 next to her text messages. She had stopped reading them a while ago – she didn't have the strength to face replying to them. She checked her calendar and saw the next appointment with Dr Montgomery was at 11 in the morning. She shook her head and started crying... she was looking forward to doing this with Tegan this time, getting the home pregnancy test... going to the doctor, the scan... all of it... Now there's so much sadness. She didn't feel pregnant... Not that she knew what pregnant feels like... Sure she was nauseous sometimes but she assumed that was because she was so upset. She was exhausted but she hasn't slept in ages. And here she was – at 2 in the morning... crying in a cafeteria. She put her head on her arms and sobbed herself to sleep. About an hour later Sonia walked into the dark Cafeteria and saw Lindsey sleeping with her head on her arms "Lindsey, wake up Linds... Come on let's get you to bed. We were worried about you why didn't you answer your phone!" asked Sonia slightly annoyed. "I... I don't know I didn't realize it was on silent, I must have dozed off... I'm sorry Sonia I'm sorry" said Lindsey apologetically. "It's OK Lindsey, come let's get you to bed – you're exhausted. Let them give you something to sleep" said Sonia leading her back to the CCU. The family room had an adjacent room with beds in where family members of patients in CCU could sleep. A nurse walked in with a syringe. For the first time Lindsey really wanted that sleeping aid, she just wanted to block the world out. Sonia was sitting next to her, Sara was sleeping after she also received a shot. "They're not letting anybody in with her till morning Linds so get some rest." Lindsey looked at the needle and an alarm bell suddenly sounded in her head... I may be pregnant... Is this safe... she pulled her arm away quickly... "I'm OK thanks I really don' t need this" Sonia and the nurse tried to reason with her "NO, I don't want it – please. I"ll go to bed now but please I don't need a shot ok" Lindsey sounded quite frantic. "OK all right, Lindsey calm down" said Sonia looking perplexed. Lindsey seemed to calm down "Sorry... I just ... I want to be alert if Tegan needs me" Sonia didn't answer and simply walked her over to the room with the beds and lay her down. She sat next to her stroking her hair. She was out almost immediately.

_Ahhh a twist in the story! Is Lindsey pregnant? Review please_.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hope you're still standing after the last chapter!_

_As reference - Dr Montgomery is Adison from Private Practice_

**Chapter 12**

Tegan's condition remained unchanged for the next few hours. Stable but critical. It was around 10.45, Lindsey was holding Tegan's hand whispering things to her. She looked at her wrist watch and felt a spurt of adrenaline. She kissed Tegan's hand and got up "I have something that I need to go take care of, I won't be long ok guys. Stay with her please" she said. Erin and Sara looked up at Lindsey confused but nodded reluctantly. Sonia was finally sleeping after being up most of the night taking care of everybody else. "What's that all about?" asked Erin as soon as Lindsey had left the room. Sara shook her head "No idea... take care of? Anyway... whatever" Sara looked up at Tegan's heart monitor and studied it intently.

Lindsey was on the table in the exam room wearing a gown waiting to be examined by Adison. A nurse already took a blood sample and send it to the lab. "Hi Lindsey" said Adison gently. "Hey doc" said Lindsey nervously. "How you doing? I heard about Tegan, I'm so sorry, it must be really difficult for you right now" she said rubbing her hand. Lindsey burst into tears for no apparent reason. Adison just put her arms around Lindsey and held her close as she shook with emotion. "It's okay Lindsey, Tegan's a fighter she's going to be okay" said Adison trying to calm Lindsey. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry" said Lindsey still sobbing. "It's ok, let it out, I understand" Adison spent a few more minutes comforting Lindsey who was a wreck. She looked like a zombie due to the worry and lack of sleep. "Okay, let's have a look. Nice deep breaths" said Adison. Lindsey swung her legs onto the bed and lay back. She breathed deeply and relaxed a bit. She felt Adison squirt cold gel onto her stomach, she felt the ultrasound under her bellybutton" She looked at the screen, unable to make out a thing. Her heart was racing. "The blood tests should be back in minute" said Adison gently. With that a nurse came in holding a piece of paper. Adison looked at the screen with a blank expression on her face...

Sara was standing on a balcony getting some fresh air. "There you are kiddo!" said her dad walking over to her with a cup of much needed coffee. "Hey Dad" said Sara and gave him a weak smile. "How are you holding up Sar?" Stephen asked concerned. He hated seeing his kids in pain, physical or emotional. It was the worst feeling in the world. "I'm okay... how are you dad?" Asked Sara. "I'm fine munckin" he said putting his arm around her giving her a squeeze. Sara started to break down. "This is all my fault dad... All my fault... My fault" she sobbed. "What on earth are you talking about Sara?" asked Stephen confused. "We're supposed to look out for each other... I should've looked out for her better... We look out for one another, that's what we do! I should've taken her to a doctor earlier" she sobbed hysterically. "Don't be silly Sara. This isn't your fault... There's no way you could've seen this coming!" Stephen tried to soothe Sara. So many feeling and emotions were running through Sara. "She was sick before she went on stage dad, I could tell she was sick... She was sick the whole day and I let her go on stage anyway instead if rushing her to a hospital... Maybe if she got here earlier..." Sara trailed off "Kate was clear about the fact that she would probably be just as sick now even if she got here earlier Sara... Shhhhh... It's not your fault Sara! You know as well as I do that when your sister makes up her mind about something, nothing and nobody will change it for her. She would've gone on stage anyway unless you chained her to something"said Stephen reassuringly knowing that Sara was bearing her soul to him. "I know... But I... I should've tried harder... I thought she was okay Dad... She seemed okay... I'm sorry... I... Tegan's the most important person in my life and... I feel like... I've let her down. I've let my best friend down..." Sara said softly still sobbing... They suddenly felt a rush of air as a helicopter came around the building. A photographer and a camera man was hanging out a window taking photos and video of a distraught Sara and her father.. "Those fuckers!" yelled Stephen. He shielded Sara's face and hastily led her inside.

Tegan's condition was unstable, she would be better one hour and worst another. Kate seemed worried as she stood next to her bed checking her vital signs and listening to her heart and lungs. "there's still a lot of fluid on her lungs, we should get her in the prone position as soon as PE is ready for her" she said to Karev with concern in her voice. He left the room to go organize Tegan's physical therapy. "Guys, we've got this okay" she said looking at the 4 women around Tegan's bed. "We've got this" Lindsey took Tegan's cold hand again and held it to her cheek. She watched Tegan's chest move rhythmically up and down, up and down. The ventilator hissed and added to the many other sounds of machines that could be heard in the CCU. Tegan had pillows under her arms and knees and some sort of blow up boots around her feet that came up to her knees. They got pumped up and released a few times every hour to improve Tegan's circulation. They just finished one of their pre-programmed sessions. Lindsey noticed that the critical numbers the doctors were referring to often didn't improve... they stayed the same or they got worse. "Tegan, sweetie, you need to fight ok! You need to fight this with all your might Tegan." She said sternly "With everything in you... you've got to be ok... I love you so much and I'm right here with you... I know you can hear me Tegan, I know you can. And I know you're not giving up." Sara felt as if she was intruding, listening to a private conversation so she got up and stared out of the window... "I love you angel, please fight Tegan" she said louder this time "you've got to be OK Tee..." she said in a softer tone, her voice breaking with emotion. "You're going to be a mommy..."

Sara spun around and faced Lindsey. Erin, Sonia and Kate stared at her speechless for a few seconds. "What did you just say?" asked Sara confused. Lindsey kept quiet for a few seconds and just stared at Tegan's broken face. She was still so incredibly gorgeous. "Tegan's going to be a mommy guys, I'm pregnant..." said Lindsey softly, eyes still on Tegan. Tegan of course didn't stir – the monotone, rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor continued... "That's where I was earlier, I went to see Dr Montgomery... " said Lindsey looking sad. "That's such great news Linds!" said Sonia smiling and gave her a hug "Thanks grandma" said Lindsey smiling for the first time in what seemed like days. Erin turned to Lindsey and took her hands in hers "I'm so, incredibly happy for you! Congratulations... Are you OK Lindsey?" Lindsey nodded quickly "Tegan's going to be fine okay! She's going to be just fine" continued Erin rubbing Lindsey's hand fast. "That's awesome, we're going to make sure this mommy is ok Linds..." said Kate. Sara's face was expressionless at first while she tried to comprehend what she just heard. The corners of her mouth turned up and turned into a huge smile "I'm going to be an aunt! ... I'm.. going to be an aunt guys! Congratulations Lindsey, you guys are going to be amazing mommies... you hear that Tee – you're going to be a mommy... that's weird..." smiled Sara. Lindsey just closed her eyes and mouthed "thank you" and held Tegan's hand to her cheek. "I didn't know you were trying again?" asked Sonia. Lindsey took a deep breath. "We kept it quiet this time. Didn't want to disappoint everyone again. This REALLY is Tegan's baby guys... we used her eggs this time" Sonia was getting emotional again and had her hands in front of her mouth. "You go Tegan! Quin for the win!" said Sara jokingly while mock punching Tegan's shoulder. "We implanted two embryos but it's too early to tell if both are viable, we'll know in 15 to 20 days and hopefully we'll see the heartbeat. But they say I'm definitely pregnant. The blood tests showed a very high hormone count... I know Tegan would have wanted to give you the news herself but I ... I can't keep this to myself ... I just can't" said an emotional Lindsey. "Tegan will understand Lindsey – you need support right now" said Sonia rubbing her back. "Guys, don't tell anybody else yet please? I ... I just want Tee to get better first and make sure this pregnancy is viable" asked Lindsey. "Sure. Listen, you need to start taking care of yourself if you want a healthy pregnancy Linds" said Sara sounding concerned. "Dr Quin's right you know. You need to get some rest – I guess there's nothing you can do about the stress factor but take it easy ok?" said Kate. Have you told Jeremy?" asked Sara. "No, not yet... I'll tell him today"

_Note: Hey guys, I'm going away for a couple of days so updates may be fewer than normal as I need to write more chapters and have very little left in reserve. _

_Please send me some feedback. What do you like, what don't you like? How do you see the story unfold further? Don't know how motivated I'll be to write fast if it feels lime nobody's reading the story - feedback is your friend. I know you all want Tegan to pull through, we all do! To paraphrase 'Don't confess' - She won't get better till she's worse... Perhaps she's over the worst, perhaps not. It breaks my heart too but just stick with me, it's going somewhere specific. Use this link if you prefer to use Tumblr for feedback - mmmm, it's not accepting my link, just search for companyoffonstandby or PM me_


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry for the long wait for this chapter guys. _

**Chapter 13**

Around mid day a man entered a run down, sparsely furnished apartment in Hollywood, he was unshaven, tall, with sandy, untrimmed hair. He walked up to a bottle blond girl with short hair, no older than 23. "What could you find out?" She asked looking up from her computer screen. "Not much new... Security all over the show. If it weren't for those retarded fans and the media circus they've created we'd be in so easily. But I found out who does their medical supplies. It's a company called Medi-tech. Do your thing and get me an access card and some supplies for delivery... And read up about what I'm supposed to do, I don't want to look suspicious" he said looking the girl up and down. "Okay, don't you think we could get the other one somewhere else? That would still be first prize" she asked. "I don't think she'll be leaving soon. Apparently Tegan isn't doing too well... Which could actually work in our favor if we can pull this off. But we can't afford mistakes" he said. "Soon Jake, soon this will be done and we'll have everything we've ever dreamed of." she said. He grabbed her violently and threw her on the bed unbuckling his belt.

Tegan was taken for another round of scans and tests. Her support team was sitting in the waiting room, desperate for some good news. Sara was sitting on the edge of the chair staring blankly in front of her. Her leg bouncing up and down in a nervous tick. Sonia put her hand gently on Sara's bouncing thigh causing her to stop and look at her mother with desperation in her eyes. "Mom…. I can't do this without her" she said softly. "Do what sweetie?" asked Sonia nervously. "Everything…. Life… We came into this world together for a reason… I … She… She's got to be okay mom…. She's got to be okay" said Sara, desperately looking into her mom's eyes.

Kate and Teddy Altman, the cardiologist walked into the room looking worried. "Hi guys, we just want to give you an update" said Kate sitting down. "How are you all holding up?" she asked concerned. Everybody nodded and mumbled that they were fine. "I have some bad news news" said Kate, she breathed out pursing her lips causing her cheeks to ball. Lindsey put her hand over her mouth and started crying. "Tegan's condition isn't improving, in fact, her Apache score is up... Up isn't good. We now have definite confirmation that she has developed ARDS or acute respiratory distress syndrome. ARDS is a lung condition that causes the lung's tiny blood vessels to leak more fluid than normal into the lungs' air sacs. This prevents the lungs from filling with air and moving enough oxygen into the bloodstream. It is a direct symptom of the pneumonia. She's hanging in there though; she's fighting very, very hard! We're going to treat this as aggressively as possible…. well that would be my recommendation" said Kate. Teddy looked at Kate as if she was supposed to say something else. Kate kept quiet, purposefully ignoring Teddy's gaze. Teddy shook her head looking slightly annoyed with Kate. "Legally we have to ask you as her next of kin exactly how aggressive we should be" Teddy asked. "I don't understand…. What does that mean?" asked Lindsey looking pale. Kate glared at Teddy looking angry as hell before turning her head to Lindsey. "Right now, she's still coping okay but her lung function may…. And I say may, not will…deteriorate to the point where we need to consider what they call "heroic measures". If her pulse ox falls too low while on the vent we will need to put her on ECMO" said Kate. "Put her on what?" asked Sara confused. "ECMO or Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation. I'm sorry guys, I know there's a lot of medical terms that you may find confusing but feel free to ask me as many questions as you need... Okay, so ECMO is a procedure that uses a machine to take over the work of the lungs and sometimes the heart. ECMO will provide time for Tegan's body to rest and recover. Extracorporeal means that the blood circulates outside of the body with the help of a machine. Membrane Oxygenation, referred to as the "artificial lungs," is a special part of the machine that puts oxygen into the blood and takes out carbon dioxide just like our lungs do. The goal of ECMO is to insure that the patient has enough oxygen by taking over the workload of the lungs. ECMO will not heal Tegan's lungs, but it will allow time for them to rest and recover. They are in desperate need of rest. If we do decide to go that route, Tegan can be on ECMO for several days... When the lungs have healed and can work on their own, the support from ECMO will be gradually removed. I'm hoping it doesn't go that far but on the other hand, this could greatly assist her recovery but there are certain risks involved."

Lindsey had her head in her hands and rocked side to side. Kate continued. Lindsey heard so many words that didn't make sense, Murray score, PEEP Values, FiO2 ratio, quadrants, pH, Hematocrit, white blood count... She wanted to Kate to stop talking, she didn't want to hear any of this. She just wanted to pretend it's not happening.

"So... what happens if her pulse ox falls too low and she doesn't go onto this lung thing" asked Erin dejected. "I'm hoping we never get there... Her vital organs such as her kidneys, liver, eventually her heart will start shutting down…. Her brain won't get enough oxygen and she'll….well... we'll lose her" said Kate, emotion breaking in her voice. "I'm sorry guys, I know this is difficult but legally we also need to ask you about a DNR" asked Dr Altman. She was cut off by an angry Sara "I know what that is…. It's when we tell you not to try and get her back if she codes again, well fuck that!" she screamed causing Lindsey to jump. "Tegan is a fighter, she would want you to try everything…. Tegan wants to live…. I can guarantee you that! Why… Why are you even asking us this now?" said Sara fuming. Kate remained calm and took Sara's hand "Sara" she said gently. "Tegan doesn't have a living will. She never made this decision. Therefore, we need to give the family that option when a patient's Apache is above a certain number …. Tegan's score is above that number now" said Kate firmly but gently.

"So, she's getting worse... She's that sick now, that you think she's not going to make it?" asked Sonia in tears. "No Sonia, she is indeed very sick and her condition has deteriorated but I'm still positive that she can pull through this, but we have to give you these options". Sara was still angry. Not at Kate though, at this hospital for asking this, at the world, at God. She could feel the anger coursing through her veins. "Well I think I speak for us all when I say do what you need to do, do the lung thing if you need to and there's no fucking way we're giving up on Tee by signing that DNR…. She's going to be fine… She's going to be okay" she said passionately. Everybody shook their heads in agreement. "I agree Sara… I hundred percent agree" said Kate with a smile, relief flooding over her. She didn't want the opportunity to try everything she could to save her friend taken away from her. "She's receiving a lot of physical therapy as you know. They turn her onto her stomach a few times a day to improve oxygen perfusion and they vibrate the lungs to loosen the mucus for suction. It seems to be having a positive effect so we're going to up the frequency of those sessions. The thing is, the pneumonia is actually under control and very much better. Her temperature is almost back to normal but her lungs have taken such a beating that they are just not working the way they should right now and we're starting to see the effects of that on her kidney function. But we're doing everything we can. I'm NOT giving up on her any time soon… Tegan's a fighter…. She's fighting this thing… You need to stay positive, she needs all the positive energy she can get right now. Keep talking to her, she may be able to hear you. Positive things only please" said Kate.

Kate left the family room and felt her eyes tear up. She changed course quickly throwing open the door to the emergency stairwell. She stopped behind the door, took a deep breath and started running up the stairs, leaping them two at a time. She sat down out of breath on the stairs about two flights up. "Fuck!" She whispered through her tears. She hated every second of this, of seeing her friend sick, seeing her other friends in so much pain. "This isn't happening. She's got to be okay... Why? Why Tegan?"

Nancy came walking up the stairs slowly, she took a seat next to Kate and put her hand on her shaking shoulder. It was clear she cared deeply for her. She kissed her forehead and whispered "You okay?" Kate shook her head "Uh huh….. Umm... no, not so much" she said as her voice changed pitch. "Wanna talk about it?" asked Nancy. "Not really….. yeah…. I don't know..." said Kate trying to control her sobs. "I'm listening" said Nancy before kissing Kate's hand. "I just want... I just want you to hold me for a while, tell me it's going to be okay" Nancy put her arm around Kate's slender shoulders "All right, let it out..."she whispered. "It's just, it's silly – this is, it's, it's just getting to me. I'm an ICU specialist for fuck sakes! I should be able to handle this!" said Kate sounding a mixture of embarrassed and annoyed. "This is different. There's nothing wrong with this getting to you, she's your friend..." said Nancy. "I'm scared that this will start affecting my judgement, my work … I don't know. It's already affected my judgement! Weber wants me off the case, says I'm too close." "What did you say?" asked Nancy with a raised eyebrow. "I basically told him to go fuck himself... Told him that if he takes me off the case I'll make sure the family moves Tegan to another hospital so fast his head will spin... Fuck, I can't believe I said that! Career limiting move..." said Kate shaking her head again. "Richard knows you and he knows that your passion is what makes you a great doctor. Keep your wits about you and he won't do a thing. He knows you're the best he's got" said Nancy reassuringly. "Thanks I guess" said Kate with a half hearted smile. "I'm going to sound like a total asshole now but... it's difficult to be the strong one, the together doctor when my friend is lying there in critical condition... I'm not supposed to cry, be scared, I'm the doctor you know and I can't…. do this…." said Kate, tears welling up again. "I don't think anyone will blame you if you do" said Nancy rubbing Kate's back. "They won't blame me but when I show vulnerability... it scares them... because I'm the one that's supposed to tell them... to know that she's going to be okay and truth is….. I don't!" said Kate staring at the floor. "Okay, It's good to let it out…" cooed Nancy. "Shit! Actually, I'm just so scared and tired and frustrated….and I just needed a fucking good cry I guess" said Kate. "I know, I know" said Nancy taking Kate's head and putting it on her shoulder. The sobs started again. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Kate's irregular sobs and sniffs the only sounds. "You're a really good friend Nance… Thank you!" said Kate seemingly calming down a bit. They sat in the stairwell for a while when Kate got up. "I've got to go check on her" she said. "I've told the nurses to page us if there's any change, just take it easy for a few minutes. You need the break" said Nancy. "In that case I could use a cigarette" Kate hardly ever smoked but she had a sudden craving for the calming effect of nicotine. They walked up to the roof where and Nancy took a box of cigarettes from their hiding place. Kate stared at the dark storm clouds in the distance and took a drag trying to still her mind.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Arizona entered the family room after Kate left and quietly sat down next to a still irritated Sara. Arizona has had some short conversations with Sara in the last few days and she's given her more than one shot in order to get some sleep but she could see that Sara was more and more desperate for somebody to really talk to. "Hi Sara" she said gently "Are you okay? I can see you're upset" she asked. "Yes I'm upset" said Sara abruptly... I'm fucking fuming..." she said almost screaming. Everybody looked at her. "Do you want to go have a talk about it? I've got really good coffee in my office" offered Arizona. "No..." said Sara sternly, everybody was still eyeing her. "Actually, sure... let's go... I need to get out of here" They walked quietly to Arizona's modern looking office. Sara walked around absentmindedly looking at the art on the wall while Arizona made coffee. It was clear that this hospital had lots of money, everything was state of the art. Beautiful furniture, tasteful art... Sara was suddenly very relieved that Tegan had the foresight to take out the best medical insurance available for them both. "Here you go, have a seat" said Arizona holding Sara's coffee. They sat in silence for a while, Sara sipping her coffee. "Do you want to talk about it Sara?" said Arizona kindly. "No, I really don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to get out of that room... I... it's not that I don't want to talk to you or anything... you seem really nice... it's just that... I don't need anybody to talk to thanks... I have my family and friends" said Sara looking almost embarrassed. "I know you do Sara, and I also know that you are talking to them and that's good. But I think you know as well as I do that some things you're not going to share with them? Perhaps you feel like you should be strong for them? Be strong for Tegan? But I don't think it works that way Sara..." said Arizona looking at Sara with kind eyes. Sara stayed quiet for the next 5 minutes, so did Arizona. But the silence wasn't uncomfortable, in fact Sara felt more comfort in this quiet room than she has anywhere in the last few days. "It's my fault... all of this" said Sara emotionless. She continued to tell Arizona about the crushing guilt she felt, Arizona just nodded. "And now... now... Tegan is going... oh crap I'm not supposed to say anything." Said Sara looking guilty. "Whatever you say in here stays in here Sara, it's covered by doctor patient confidentiality" said Arizona. Sara stayed quiet for a minute deciding whether or not to tell Arizona. "Tegan's going to be a parent... Lindsey's pregnant. She can't die... she can't die, this kid needs her" Sara started sobbing. Arizona spent the next hour talking to Sara, trying to calm her down. "Thank you Dr Robins." said Sara blushing... "Call me Arizona please! I'm really glad we had a talk Sara, you know where to find me if you need me right" said Arizona.

Lindsey was sitting next to Tegan's bed, holding her hand and stroking her cheek. She felt the tape holding the ventilator tube in place under her thumb. Tegan's face felt cool and clammy. She seemed to have lost a lot of weight, the nutrition she was getting through the tube down her nose and the various IVs wasn't enough to keep her weight up. Lindsey was finally alone with Tegan for the first time in the last few days. She specifically asked everybody if she could just have a few minutes, alone... "Hey baby, you're doing good... I love you. You're going to be just fine, they're taking such good care of you... You just hang in there all right! I'm right here with you okay, right here..." Lindsey was all cried out. She kissed Tegan's hand softly. "I can't wait for you to get out of here, we have a baby room to decorate you know" she smiled. "I think it's a girl babe... She's going to be just as beautiful and talented as her mommy Tee. I gave Jeremy the good news and he's so happy for us. You just concentrate on getting better my angel" Lindsey looked down at Tegan's "You and Me" tattoo and then to her own" Me and You" tattoo. "You and me babe..." she whispered. She kissed Tegan's hand again. Lindsey was a horrible singer but Tegan loved it when she tried. She started softly singing the most cheesy song Tegan's ever written. It was Lindsey's favorite and she never made a secret of it. "The first time I saw your face, I knew I was meant for you... The first time you said my name, I knew I was meant for you... Love, they say it heals all wounds, Love, removes the hurt in you, Love, I know that this is true. Love, they say that it is blind, Love, they say it all the time, Love, I know that they are right. You don't need to wonder If love will make us stronger, There's nothing love can't do..." she trailed off, tears rolling over her cheeks again. "I love you Tegan"

Lindsey was forced by Sonia to go get some rest, it took some persuasion but she finally agreed to go take a nap. Erin and Sara was sitting next to Tegan's bed when Ted walked in with a massive box. "Hey guys, I've been playing mailman... I went for a walk outside and saw all these letters and messages and stuff for Tegan at that shrine thing the fans made for her outside. There's a lot of people there... They all asked me to bring you the messages so you could read them to Tegan. I've already had them sterilized, they sprayed them with some antiseptic stuff. I've left the gifts outside" said Ted. Sara looked at the box, so many letters... "Tom says the email has been going nuts, and of course Twitter and Facebook. People have been amazing..." said Ted. Sara could feel emotion building in her throat again. She swallowed hard, "Thanks Ted" she said softly. Ted walked over to his friend's bed. He'd been avoiding coming close to Tegan, avoiding this room. He just stood there, looking at Tegan for a long time. "Do you think it hurts?" he asked softly. "Kate said that she's on a lot of pain meds so she won't be hurting no" said Erin standing next to Ted with her hand on his shoulder. Ted's shoulder started shaking "I can't stand seeing her like this... I can't" he said through gritted teeth staring at the tube going through Tegan's bluish lips into her airway. "She's always laughing, she's the fun one, fuck... she's the healthy one!" Sara felt uncomfortable seeing Ted break down like this. Just to break the mood she pulled a letter from the box. "Let's read her some letters guys... Kate said she may hear us" Sara's hands were shaking as she opened the letter. Sara, Erin and Ted spent the entire afternoon reading so many letters to Tegan. Key words of love, inspiration, light, health shone through in every mail. They laughed, they cried, they were touched to the core by the incredible messages of love and support for primarily Tegan but also for the rest of them. Tegan didn't stir, the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor continued. Erin looked at the monitors and smiled "I think her BPs up guys, I know you can hear us buddy... We're going to give you a break now so you can rest but there's plenty more where that came from. You just get better now okay"

_Is Tegan taking a turn for the better? Let's hope so! Remember to shoot me a review please!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

For the next day not much changed. Tegan wasn't improving but she was hanging in there, she was stable most of the time. The support team never left the hospital; they had clean clothes sent from home by their management teams. They took turns sitting next to Tegan's CCU bed. Lindsey slept next to her in a reclining chair every night. She wanted so badly to lie next to Tegan, to feel her skin touching hers. To transfer some energy... skin to skin to her lover but she couldn't. She just clung to her arm like a child to her mother's.

"I've got you hooked up to the hospital surveillance system and to their mainframe" said the blonde girl looking at her scruffy partner for approval. She could hack anything. Video of the CCU appeared on her computer screen. Tegan's room was in one corner, the family room in another, the hallway and nurses' station on a third and the entrance manned by security guards on a fourth. Sonia and Lindsey could be seen sitting next to Tegan's bed, they seemed to be talking. "They don't have sound unfortunately but at least we'll be able to see if there's any kind of routine." An image of Erin appeared in the family room screen. The scruffy guy smiled "there she is, our ticket..."

Tegan's dad and step dad had to return to Canada a few hours earlier. Neither one could afford losing their jobs. They promised to be back over the weekend. Tegan's four pillars were all sitting next to her bed. Lindsey, Sara, Sona and Erin were all quiet, lost in thought. Lindsey stared at the monitors. Tegan's pulse ox was dangerously close to the level they would need to put her on ecmo. Over the last 24 hours Tegan had a few periods of significant improvement giving everyone renewed hope only to be slammed back to earth with a period of deterioration. Right now, her vital signs didn't seem great but at least they seemed stable.

Sara looked exhausted and pale. She got up and wandered around the room absentmindedly to keep herself awake. She stood at the window. A storm was brewing outside. The wind was howling and leaves were blowing everywhere. The weather outside was a direct reflection of Sara's state of mind. Sara folded her arms around her body as a chill crept over her, her chin started quivering. She turned around and left the room quietly. Sonia followed Sara into one of the waiting areas. "Sara, sweetie are you okay" she asked concerned. "Yeah mom, I'm fine" Sara lied with her eyes half closed. Tears started seeping through her eyelids. Sonia pulled Sara into a hug and held her close for a few minutes. Sara couldn't shake the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt nauseous. "Don't cry Sara... she's going to be okay" said Sonia rocking Sara. "I think you should get some rest, you're completely drained" said Sonia. Sara didn't reply immediately. "Mom... I don't know, I just have this feeling and I can't shake it..." said Sara looking down. "What are you talking about Sara" asked Sonia. Sara took a minute to reply "It feels as if... it feels as if we're losing her mom..." said Sara, her chin quivering again.


	16. Chapter 16

_Brace yourselves for a perfect storm readers..._

**Chapter 16**

"Code red, CCU, Code red CCU" the sound of the speaker system startled Sara where she was sitting with her head on her mom's shoulder. She jumped up and sprinted to Tegan's room, Sonia followed closely. She stopped at the nurses' station and banged repeatedly on counter. "What does Code red mean... what does it mean?" she screamed. "Sara, calm down" said Arizona holding onto Sara's shoulders. "It means that there's an emergency situation but she's still with us... calm down" Sara pulled herself forcefully out of Arizona's grip and briskly walked into Tegan's room. Kate was there shouting orders. Erin, Lindsey and Sonia was standing next to the wall, they were all in tears. Erin was holding Lindsey who looked as if she could collapse any second. "Pulse ox is falling fast, only 60." said Karev. "Dammit, BP's falling off a cliff... 50 over 30" said Kate sounding panicked. Let's do an echo, I suspect pericardial effusion and a cardiac tamponade. Kate ordered more drugs as Karev switched on the echocardiogram screen. "Lots of fluid around both the heart and lungs." She turned to one of the interns "book the emergency OR now – we need to remove that fluid and get her on ecmo" Alarms were screaming everywhere. Tegan's pulse became slower by the minute. "She's bradying down... pulse only 40, BP down to 40 over 20" said Karev alarmed. "OR can take you in 10" reported the intern. "We don't have 10 minutes! We need chest tubes in both sides please. I'll do left, Teddy – right please"

Kate felt her hand shaking as she took the scalpel from the nurse. She was breathing fast. The mask on her face felt as if it was smothering her. She ran her fingers over Tegan's ribs. She felt the scalpel break Tegan's skin and cut into her muscle, through the chest wall and into the pleural space. Kate forced two fingers into the hole and put a chest tube in. "I'm in, Karev suture this please" she said calmly. Teddy did the same on the other side. Bloody, watery fluid immediately drained from the tubes. "More suction please" she asked urgently. "Pulse ox going up..." she said looking at the monitor and listening to Tegan's lungs with her stethoscope. "Pulse is back up to 60, Ox is 70, BP up slightly to 50 over 30" reported Karev. "She's far from solid ground, let's get her to the ER, prep for pericardiocentesis and ecmo insersion and hope her BP holds" As they started pushing the bed towards the door another alarm sounded "BPs crashing fast, 30 over 10... Pulse down to 30. BP 20 over 5... lost her pressure" screamed Karev looking at the blinking 00/00 on the screen. Kate screamed more drug orders. "Is she bleeding from the chest tubes? Check please. Come on Tegan, stay with me" said Kate as she pulled down her mask and took a big gulp of air. The heart monitor alarmed changed tone. "Loss of pulse, she's in PEA" said Teddy. The dreaded automated voice came over the speaker again "Code blue CCU, Code blue CCU"

Kate immediately started chest compressions on Tegan. "I need one of Epi stat, push through the central line" she said urgently. Karev pumped oxygen into Tegan's lungs with a bag connected to the ET tube. Let's get her on a back board. They rolled Tegan onto the backboard, careful not to dislodge the chest tube. Kate ordered some blood tests. "Put a rush on those labs please" she shouted to the nurse as she left the room. "Still PEA said Kate after a quick rhytm check. PEA showed electrical activity, but the heart either does not contract or there are other reasons why this results in an insufficient cardiac output to generate a pulse and supply blood to the organs. Tegan's arm was hanging partially off the bed. It jerked up and down rhythmically as Kate continued compressions. Everyone was quiet, the only sounds now were the monitor alarms, the very faint "huh huh huh huh" sound caused by the pumping on the sternum that escaped Tegan's ET tube and the sound of quiet sobbing coming from the corner where Tegan's sister, lover, mother and best friend was standing.

Sara walked forward, her hands in her hair. "Shock her! Why aren't you shocking her!" she screamed. Nurse Abbey put her hand on Sara's forearm "Tegan's heart is not in a shockable rhythm Sara. We can't shock it now" she said calmly. "Somebody get them out of here please" said Kate still pumping profusely on Tegan's chest. "Guys you're going to have to wait outside, we'll update you as soon as we can. Come on" she tried herding them outside. "I'm NOT leaving her" said Lindsey with tears rolling down her cheeks, refusing to move. "I'm NOT, I'm staying!" nobody else moved either. Abbey gave up trying. The nurse ran in with the lab results and conveyed them to Kate. "Rhythm check in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" said the code recorder. Kate's hand flew to Tegan's neck as she desperately looked at the monitor. "No pulse, still in PEA. Let's push 60 Meq of sodium bicarb. Open the saline wide and let's up the dopamine and start a lidocaine drip?" she said as she started pumping again. She continued pumping for about 20 seconds and stopped briefly "Okay, she's shockable, v-fib let's prepare to shock at 200" said Kate calmly as they ripped off Tegan's gown and placed the orange conductor pads on her chest. "ok we're charged – everybody off – stay clear – shocking" Tegan's body jumped as the defibrillator made it's thump sound.

Everybody stared desperately at the monitor screen. It continued its squiggly line. "No change let's go with 300..." Teddy had taken over compressions as Kate waited with the paddles in her hands for the defibrilator to recharge. "Charged – stay clear – shocking" said Kate and pressed the red buttons on the paddles. She felt the charge go through the machine and into Tegan's body. She felt Tegan's small body lift under her hands from the shock. "Still no change, let's shock at 360 please... Come on Tegan, come back to us" said Kate as she waited for the machine to charge "Charged – stay clear – shocking... No conversion"

"Tegan come on, Tegan don't do this" shouted Sara, tears gushing from her eyes. She was frantic. Lindsey was staring at Tegan in an almost catatonic state. Erin didn't want to leave Lindsey but she didin't want to see any more of this. She put her arms around Lindsey and held her shaking body facing the other way. "Tegan please! Please Tegan please ... please" Sara was wailing.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 **

_Oh my gosh... I know, I know, you're all hating me right now but stick with me. Heavy reading... We're going somewhere, I promise, read on._

Tegan was floating, no... flying it seemed over a green field with gorgeous flowers. Everything was so colourful, so beautiful. She felt joy... She felt free... The warm breeze caressed her face and ruffled her hair. She could breathe, she wasn't hurting... she was smiling. _Am I dreaming_? The next moment the scene changed. Tegan was sitting with her back against a large willow tree next to an incredibly beautiful lake. Tegan looked healthy again. Her cheeks plumped up and pink, her eyes sparkling. She breathed in deep, closed her eyes and felt her fingers over the tips of the grass.

"Hey Tee" the voice startled her and her eyes flew open. She blinked a few times and stared in disbelief._ I am dreaming! I'm definitely dreaming_... but this feels so real. She saw her old friend... her friend that wasn't with them anymore? Corey?" she asked confused. Corey put his arms around her... he felt real... "Hello my friend. How're you doing Tee" he asked. Tegan smiled, "I'm great, why are you ... what are you... It's so great to see you" she said sounding confused. "I guess that's was a weird question to ask you" said Corey with a smile. Tegan looked at him cocking her head to the side, looking perplexed. The smile slowly disappeared from her face. "What do you mean?" She asked. "You're dead Tegan... well you're not dead but your body is... if I'm making sense? Sorry it's the first time I'm doing this" Tegan stared at him in disbelief. "What do you mean I'm dead?" she asked. "Can you remember being sick in the hospital?" he asked holding her hand. "well... I guess... a little" mumbled Tegan. "I'm not dead Corey... I'm fine" she said. "Well, right now you are... how do you explain me being here?" he said laughing. Tegan stayed quiet for a while... "But it's fine.. I'm happy... right now I feel so happy... and nothing hurts." said Tegan closing her eyes. She put her head back against the tree stump and her hands behind her head. She smiled and sighed. "You have to go back Tegan" said Corey softly. "I can't" said Tegan. "They need you Tegan... it's not your time" said Corey. "Maybe it is my time... this feels right Corey. " said Tegan opening her eyes again. Memories from hospital suddenly came rushing back and Tegan's face contracted in pain "I can't Corey, I can't... fight anymore... I can't do it... it hurts too much... I'm too weak" Tegan begged. "Tegan, it's not your time. But it's your choice, you can stay here, where you'll never hurt again and it will be lovely, it really will, no more tears Tee... Or you can go back, it will be tough, you'll have to fight. It will hurt but you'll have everybody you love there for you Tegan. And they won't hurt... If you leave them they will hurt so, so much" said Corey as Tegan stared at the ground. "You need to decide Tegan. Just remember the love they have for you." exclaimed Corey. "But... but you're here and you're happy" said Tegan looking confused. "I didn't have that choice Tegan. I had that choice back in my life but I screwed up. I wish I had the choice now like you do"

Sara was frantic. She was screaming again with her hands in her hair. "Tegan, come the fuck on Tee pleeeese" Sonia was on autopilot – she grabbed Sara by the shoulders and forced her outside. "No mom nooo, I need to be there nooo!" screamed Sara. Abbey helped Sonia take Sara out of the room. Sonia simply put her arms around her youngest and held her tight outside. Sara was shaking. Sonia tried to focus on the one child she could do something for right now.. Sara.

Another minute of CPR and adrenaline followed. Lindsey felt numb, she was glad that Erin's arms were supporting her. Her legs felt like giving out any minute. Lindsey stared at Tegan's stomach popping in and out as Teddy pumped on her chest. "We're still in V-fib let's shock her again at 360" said Kate sounding more and more panicked.

Sara and Sonia was in a waiting area, away from the images that will probably be burnt into the minds forever... Sonia refused to let go of Sara, trying to physiclally anchor her child. Suddenly Sara jolted as if a bolt of lightning ran through her. She didn't understand what that was... it hurt and suddenly her chest felt as if it was being crushed. "Tegaaaaan" she moaned.

"Clear – shocking". All eyes on the monitor. "No change, continuing compressions" said Kate dejected as she started pumping on Tegan's chest again. "Another round of epi and let's try some adenosine" she yelled. "Come on Tegan, come on, come on" she said in the same beat as her compressions. Kate was now sweating profusely. A nurse came back with more blood test results and Kate ordered different drugs. They got pushed into Tegan's lifeless body immediately.

"I don't know what to choose Corey... help me choose." Said Tegan. "I can't choose for you Tegan" said Corey looking into her eyes. "But you need to choose soon Tee or that choice will be made for you"


	18. Chapter 18

_Almost there guys! Review please if you want to know if Tegan makes it._

**Chapter 18**

"All right that's another minute let's shock again at 360" said Teddy looking at the clock. Kate grabbed the paddles and put them on her friends chest. Her breathing was fast and heavy. Outside Sara felt another shock run through her and yelled in pain, the crushing feeling didn't go away. Sonia couldn't understand why Sara jolted every minute.

"Clear – shocking" Tegan's body jumped once more. Kate's head whipped around to face the monitor. ...

Sara started loudly wailing again "Noooo Tegan, please, Tegaaaan... this is taking too long mom, this is taking too looooong" Sara was losing it completely, her entire body was shaking. Arizona came running into the room with a syringe. "Sara, calm down it's okay. Calm down Sara" she said calmly. Sara screamed louder than ever "Tegaaaan" Sara's screams felt like knives into Sonia's soul. "We're going to sedate her Sonia" Arizona said to Sonia. Sonia just held Sara even tighter preventing her arms to move. Sara felt something sting in her upper arm... double vision... blurring... then the blackness took her away... away from this pain.

"I love them so much Corey, I want to be with them... and I want to live but I just can't ... do it... It's too hard. I can't fight anymore" said Tegan as she started crying.

The monitor's squiggly line went straight after the shock. "Asystole" said Teddy calmly but emotion broke in her voice. Kate started pumping on Tegan's chest again "No Tegan, NO, not like this... I'm not losing you buddy... " mumbled Kate. "Nooo, FIGHT Tegan!" wailed Lindsey. Erin still had her steady arms around her but she started to sink to the floor taking Erin with her. She started shaking, still hanging onto Erin. "Come on, come on Tegan, come on" whispered Kate under her breath. Tears started spilling from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She looked down to hide them and saw a tear fall onto Tegan's chest. "Let's get another epi into her... IV push and an antropine bolus" said Kate out of breath still pumping. "Dr Altrman can we switch please" she asked. Teddy took over compressions and Kate took a penlight out of her pocket. She shone the light in and out of Tegan's pupils. "Pupils 6mm, very sluggish but reactive. Still flatline!" she said. Time passed and CPR continued in silence. About a minute later Kate looked at the monitor and yelled "we're back in Fib let's shock at 360.

Corey held Tegan in his arms. "I want to go back Corey, I want to go back" she jumped up. "That's my girl" smiled Corey. "Tegan, you need to run into the lake, that will take you back. You have to do it quickly!" Tegan smiled a massive gummy smile at Corey. "Love you Corey, see ya later bud" she ran towards the lake.

"Clear – shocking"

Tegan got thrown back by what seemed like an invisible force field. A shock sent her flying to the ground. She landed on her back. "What... What was that..." she asked confused. "You have to try harder Tegan" said Corey.

"No conversion let's try again at 360" yelled Kate.

Tegan ran towards the lake again with more determination this time.

"Clear – shocking"

Tegan felt the force field knock her back violently again. "I need to get back... Corey how can I get back" she pleaded.

"Dammit –still no conversion, let's try another round of compressions and epi" said Kate looking petrified. Lindsey started crying, never taking her eyes off Tegan... "Tegan please baby, please Tegan. I love you Tegan, you can do this" she pleaded.

Tegan could suddenly hear Lindsey's voice... pleading for her to get back. Tegan started sobbing ... "I can't Linds... I can't..." she was sitting in front of the force field with her head in her hands... She heard Sara's screams and she flinched... I'm sorry Sara ... I tried... Sara... she fell to the side and lay on the grass, seemingly in pain.

"Time? asked Kate loudly. "7 minutes doc" said the lady recording the code. Kate was out of breath, tired, scared but not giving up... not yet... But she knew she was running out of time.

"Tegan please my love, please come back. This baby needs you Tegan... she needs her mommy" Tegan jolted up, she stared at Corey. "A baby? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked looking hurt. "I couldn't Tee. Not allowed... try again Tegan, try for your baby" said Corey. Tegan stood up and ran towards the force field with all the determination in her body. She felt something suck her in forcefully. Suddenly she was hovering over her hospital bed. She saw Kate pumping hard on her naked chest. She saw Lindsey and Erin whimpering in the corner.

"I need a cardiac needle, I'm going to try and remove some fluid from the cardiac sack" said Kate. She knew it was risky doing this under these circumstances without the proper equipment, but that equipment would take time. Time she didn't have. "Dr Morgan I don't think you should..." Karev got cut off by an irate Kate "If I hear anything except 'Yes doctor' from you I'll have your license ... I'm running this... Do it" she yelled.

Tegan was scared, she tried with all her might to get back into her body but she couldn't. I can't leave them... I have to get back.

"Hold compressions - fine VF" Kate ran her fingers over Tegan's rib cage. When she found the spot between Tegan's ribs she was looking for she plunged the hideously long needle into Tegan's chest. Sweat beads were forming on her forehead. She slowly pushed the needle in with her eyes closed. "I feel it, I'm in" she retracted the plunger of the syringe slowly producing a watery liquid. She pulled some more, the syringe filling fast. She pulled the needle out of her chest slowly and looked up desperately to the monitor. "Stronger VF, I want one more epi and 20 seconds of compressions to circulate before we shock again" said Kate taking the paddles. Teddy started cardiac massage again. "Okay Tegan, this is the one, come on buddy come back to us" Sonia entered the room again looking dazed.

Tegan watched Kate put the paddles on her chest and heard her yell "clear" She felt the sucking sensation again... Everything went black.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Everybody in the room stared at the monitor. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Kate sobbed "She's back... Sinus rhythm" The medical team started applauding. Lindsey let out a sob on the ground, "Thank you... Thank you" She realized that she had wet herself without knowing somewhere in the last few minutes. Erin finally let go of Lindsey and fell back against the wall breathing heavily, for the first time she let go of her emotions... She started shaking. Sonia sunk to her knees next to Lindsey and pulled her close "She's back Linds, she's back"

"Let's move, she's still unstable, we meed to get her to the OR before she crashes again" yelled Kate. They wheeled Tegan's bed out of the room quickly. Erin forced herself onto her unstable feet. She walked out of the room and stopped outside. She leaned onto a wall to stabilize herself. Tears spilled from her eyes. She started jogging towards the ladies room. She threw open the door and violently vomited into one of the toilets. She felt a hand on her back, another hand held her hair out of her face. "It's okay Erin..." Alex... Thank God Alex is here... She vomited again, Alex rubbed her back. He put his hands under her armpits and lifted her, he turned her around and pulled her close to him. Erin sobbed into his shoulder.

More than an hour later an exhausted looking Kate came out of the OR. She was still wearing her surgical cap and gown. She pulled off her gloves as she was walking over to the family. They all jumped up at once. Kate smiled and she could see them visibly relax for a second. She turned to Alex and hugged him hello as she stared speaking. "I've got good news guys! Surgery was a big success. We managed to successfully drain the excess fluid from the sack around Tegan's heart and the space around her lungs. We got her on ECMO without further complications. We're already seeing a massive improvement in her oxygen levels. Her kidneys seems to be responding well and we may only need limited dialysis. Her condition is still critical but she's stable. She's doing very well under the circumstances. We're very happy with her progress so far" Sonia started softly crying, tears of joy. Lindsey flung her arms around Kate's neck "Thank you Kate, thank you! Thank you!" she said. After another minute of conversation where Kate explained their expectations of ECMO she had a confused expression on her face, "Where's Sara?" she asked. "Dr Robbins sedated her when..." Erin trailed off and looked at the ground. Images and sounds of Sara wailing flashing back. "That's good, somebody should stay with her for when she wakes up, it should be in the next hour" said Kate "We're keeping Tegan in post op for another 30 minutes or so, you can see her once she's back in her room" everybody took turns giving Kate long hugs. Sonia was last. She pulled out of the hug after a few seconds and took Kate's tired face into both her hands "Thank you Kate, I don't know how I can ever thank you enough" she said looking into Kate's kind eyes. "Just doing my job..." said Kate shyly. "I think we all know you did way more than just your job, you fought with everything in you. You saved her" said Lindsey. Kate bit her bottom lip, fighting her tears. "She's not out of the woods just yet, but she's getting there! She's got a map and a torch now!"

_Phew! That was sooo close, but things seem to finally be looking up for Tegan! _


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: thanks for sticking with the story guys! Thanks for the PMs and reviews, please keep them coming, they inspire me to continue writing! Reviews are your friends!_

**Chapter 20**

"Jake, these people have been through a lot... maybe we should wait a while" said the blonde hacker girl. "What are you talking about... I don't give a shit what they've been through. This is happening. I'll give you one more week for planning and then we have a week to execute. We need to get this done now, I'm tired of fucking around." He walked out of the room. The blonde girl stared at the screen showing the video feeds from the hospital. She felt sorry for them for a second but quickly shook her head to snap out of her moment of weakness.

A nurse entered the family room to tell them that Tegan was back in her room and that they could see her. Lindsey jumped up and briskly walked towards Tegan's room. Sonia was hesitant, "I should stay with Sara for now, she can't be alone when she wakes up" she said, torn between her two kids. "Alex and I will stay with Sara. Go be with Tegan, she needs you guys. Sara will be fine." said Erin. After seeing the way Erin supported and kept Lindsey calm when Tegan coded Sonia knew Sara would be okay with her there. "Go Sonia, I've got Sara. I'll let you know as soon as she wakes up.

Lindsey walked into Tegan's room briskly. She immediately took Tegan's hand and touched her cheek with her fingers. "Ohh baby... Thank God you're okay Tee. I love you so much my sweet angel... My brave, beautiful angel..." She felt warm tears stinging het face and hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. "You are strong Tegan, you are brave... You are phenomenal and you're going to be fine my love" she said as Sonia entered the room and put her hand on Lindsey's shoulder. "Lindsey's right Teetee, you are phenomenal. You are going to be back on your feet in no time. I love you my baby girl" she said taking Tegan's hand in hers. Tegan's hand felt warm for the first time. Tegan looked better but Sonia wondered if it was her imagination playing tricks on her. Tegan actually had a little bit color in her cheeks and the blue ring around her mouth was gone. She stared at Tegan's chest slowly but rhythmically moving up and down. She looked up at the monitors. During the last few days she learned a lot about what those readings meant... Sometimes she wished she hadn't. Tegan's BP looked okay from what she could tell. 110/70, her heart rate looked steady at 75 and for the first time since she was admitted her pulse ox was in the 90s, in fact it was 98%. Kate walked into the room rubbing sanitizer into her hands. "Hi guys, patient is looking much better right?" she said. "She sure does!" said Sonia. "Amazing what 2 hours, surgery and ecmo can do! I want to tell you what to expect though. This is the ecmo machine" Kate said pointing at a large machine on the other side of Tegan's bed. Thick tubes ran into it from below the sheets. They were red, obviously filled with blood. The machine made a clicking sound as dark red blood ran into it and bright red blood ran out, back int Tegan's body. Lindsey felt a bit nauseous just looking at it. "The machine has taken over the function of Tegan's lungs. That's why her pulse ox is so good right now, you would have noticed that her coloring has improved a lot and her hands feel warm. Her blood is getting more oxygen and her tissue and organs are getting more oxygen. That is very good! The strain on her heart is less since we removed the fluid buildup and placed a drain and as a result her circulation has improved significantly. It's important to know though that this is the work of the ecmo, her lungs are still very sick but they are getting a well deserved rest and so are her vital organs that were taking some major strain! You'll see that the vent is pumping air into her lungs at a very slow, much, much gentler and lower rate. It's basically just keeping them inflated very gently to prevent them collapsing. If we can get Tegan's lungs stronger in the next few days and we don't have further complications I think she would be okay. As I said earlier, any patient on ecmo is critical and she's still got one hell of a fight ahead of her but she's getting there. Ecmo can be a life saver! I'm happy with her progress." said Kate. "Will you be able to get her off the machine ok?" asked Sonia concerned. "There's no indication that we won't, let's cross that bridge when we get to it! Right now, let's allow her to enjoy a well deserved break!" said Kate smiling a tired smile. "You guys should get some rest!" she said. "So should you!" said Lindsey, "You look exhausted, you must be completely drained!". "I will, I promise! When I do I'll be 30 feet away in the on call room if you, or Tegan needs me okay, and my team will be here to take care of her. I'm right here, I'm not leaving this hospital" said Kate. She turned to Tegan and took her hand in hers "I'm so proud of you buddy... You're my star patient! Such a rockstar! Hang in there Tee, we've got you. You're gonna be okay".

Erin sat next to Sara's bed. Alex had his arms around her. For the first in this hospital she felt comforted. "It's okay baby, Tegan's okay" whispered Alex into her ear and gently kissed the side of her head. "I just hope she stays that way..." said Erin softly and closed her eyes. "She will, she's a fighter Erin" said Alex rubbing her arms. "I'm so sorry I wasn't with you earlier... You needed me... I'm... so sorry..." said Alex, emotion building in his voice. Erin turned around and faced him, she looked into his dark blue eyes that slowly started to fill with tears. "You're always with me Alex... Hey, hey... Shhh... It's okay, I'm fine. And Tee's going to be all right." she said gently. "I love you, and I'm so fucking proud of you Erin... And I promise I'm not leaving your side again." He looked at Sara. She was sleeping but she didn't look peaceful. It killed him knowing what they went through the last couple of days... and it killed him that he wasn't there with them.

Sara slowly started coming out of the darkness, becoming aware of her surroundings. She felt the soft pillow under her cheek, her throat felt dry and sore and her eyes stung. What was that smell? That stinging familiar smell... _A hospital? Tegan!_ her eyes snapped open and she sat up quickly, gasping. "Tegan!" she exclaimed breathing fast. "Sara, it's okay! Tegan's okay, just relax" said Erin calmly with her hands on Sara's shoulders. "she's okay Sara!" she reiterated. Sara felt herself starting to hyperventilate. Erin sat down next to Sara and wrapped her arms around her. "Slow, deep breaths Sara, slow breaths!" Erin said rubbing Sara's back. "Tegan's okay, just relax. Come on Sara try and relax for me" she said calmly. "I need to see her, I need to see Tegan" said Sara still hyperventilating. "Sara, calm down or they're going to sedate you again, calm down and you can see her... Slow, deep breaths Sara" said Erin still hugging Sara. Arizona entered the room holding a syringe. She put it down on the nightstand and took Sara's hand. Sara desperately tried to calm herself down to avoid that shot. "Sara, just relax, Tegan is okay, in fact she's doing so much better. You can see her but I need to know you're calm first okay?" said Arizona. Erin laid her back gently on the pillows. "Is she really okay?" asked Sara seemingly calming down. "Yes Sara, she's okay" said Arizona softly. "You're lying to me, you're lying... Tegan! Is she dead? Tell me!" yelled Sara. Erin took Sara's face forcefully in her hands and stopped her head from moving side to side. "Look at me Sara, look at me!" she said loudly. "I won't lie to you Sara, she's okay" Sara looked at her suspiciously still breathing heavily. "Would I be this calm if she wasn't?" she asked looking into Sara's brown eyes. Sara felt herself relax. Arizona handed her a brown paper bag. "Breathe into this" Sara took the bag and breathed into it. She felt her breathing slowly normalize. "Okay, I'm calm, I'm calm. I'm going to see Tegan" she said sitting up. Arizona pushed her back. Sara felt her anger rapidly building inside her. "Let me go!" she said forcefully. "I will in a minute but I need to check you out first. You had some pretty hectic sedatives Sara. Just let me make sure you're okay to get up. You can see Tegan soon, I promise. Trust me Sara" Sara relaxed a bit, she did trust Arizona. Her head was pounding. Arizona offered her a drink of water which she eagerly grabbed and took a large gulp of it. Arizona took a penlight out of her pocket and shone it into each of Sara's eyes causing her head to hurt even more. Erin held her hand. "Follow the light please... Now follow my finger" said Arizona moving her finger up and down, side to side. "Touch your nose with your forefinger please" Sara did as commanded. "Okay, you seem fine. I'm just going to take your blood pressure and if that checks out you're good to go. Arizona wrapped the BP cuff around her arm and put her stethoscope in her ears and the end on the inside of Sara's arm. "Just relax Sara! Your pulse is very fast, nice deep breaths okay" she said gently. Sara took a deep breath and felt her diaphragm and throat muscles shudder in revolt. She felt the cuff tighten around her arm and closed her eyes tightly. "Hmmm, BP is a bit low but that's understandable. You can go Sara but take it easy please. Let one of the medical staff know if you start feeling faint. I suspect you've got a killer headache right now but that should improve soon. Take these two aspirins in the meantime. And try not to get yourself worked up okay"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Sara walked into Tegan's room nervously. Erin had her hand on the small of her back and it comforted her a bit. Her eyes flew up to the heart monitor immediately and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw spikes and heard rhythmic beeps. Sonia put her arms around her and held her tight. "She's okay Sar, she's okay" she whispered. Tears rolled down Sara's cheek as she looked at her twin. "Are you all right sweetie?" asked Sonia concerned. "I'm fine if Tee's fine" she smiled weakly. Sara walked over to Tegan's bed and took her hand. "Hey brother..." said Sara using her childhood nickname for Tegan. She stayed quiet for a minute trying to compose herself. "You're okay Tee, you're okay... You scared the fucking crap out of us, but you're going to be fine. You're a scrapper. You're fighting and you're winning Tee. Just keep going okay, you're gonna beat this. I've never believed in anybody as much as I believe in you Tegan"

A few hours later Sara was still sitting next to Tegan's bed holding her hand. It was 3 in the morning. She was so tired but every time she nodded off images of Tegan being shocked ripped through her subconscious. "Sara, are you still awake?" whispered Sonia from her reclining chair. "Yeah... I can't sleep, but I'm fine mom, go back to sleep" whispered Sara, careful not to wake Lindsey who finally went down about 30 minutes ago. Sonia got up from under her blanket and took Sara's hand. "Come..." she whispered. "I don't want to leave her mom" said Sara looking up at her mother. "She'll be fine Sara, you need to get out of this room for a few minutes. Come with me" Sara hesitantly got up and walked out of the room holding her mom's hand like a five year old. Sonia led her to a waiting room where they found Erin sitting with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin on her arms, resting on her legs. She was staring out in front of her, deep in thought. "Stay here Sara, I'll be back in a minute" whispered Sonia. "Hi E" said Sara sitting next to her. "How're you doing Sar?" asked Erin turning her head. "I'm okay... A bit embarrassed but fine..." Said Sara looking at the ground. "Huh... Why are you embarrassed?" asked Erin perplexed. "For shouting at you. For acting like a lunatic... You know... I'm sorry" said Sara blushing. Erin just looked at her confused. "Erin, Thank you... for staying with me... For calming me down. For just being here... I... I'm so happy that Tegan has you as her best friend, because I swear there's no better best friend in the world... I'm happy to share my best friend with you... and I'm so happy that you're... my friend too... You're so important to us... I just want you to know that" said Sara sincerely in the dimly lit room. "Sara... Thank you... I don't know what to say... I'm so... I'm honored that you've all taken me as part of your family. I love you guys all so much and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you... We're soul family and family is there to take shit when they need to. And you didn't act like a lunatic Sar, you don't have to apologize. I didn't even think about it twice... We're cool" said Erin holding her fist out. Sara touched it with hers "Cool... Thanks again Erin" said Sara and hugged Erin tightly. "Where's Alex?" asked Sara. "He's sleeping on the couch of the other waiting room, finally nodded off a few minutes ago" said Erin. "I'm so happy he's here. You need somebody to support you because God knows all you've been doing is support us..."

Sonia walked into the room holding a small tray with three cups. "I've managed to get us some warm milk and honey from the nurses, maybe it will help us all unwind a bit" she said. "Thanks Sonia, those nurses love you! I need some air" said Erin grabbing her jacket. "That's a great idea! Wish those nurses had some whiskey too" said Sara jokingly and followed her. "Don't push it rock star" said Sonia smiling. Erin chuckled. They all walked onto the balcony of the visitors room. Sara held her arms out wide, threw her head back and breathed in deeply. "I'm grateful tonight that I can breathe... and I'm grateful that Tee is okay" said Sara. "Cheers to that!" said Erin. "To Tegan" said Erin holding her cup up. "To Tegan" repeated Sara and Sonia. "To health, happiness, family and friendship" said Sara.

That sat quietly on a bench in the cool February air watching the LA lights sparkle. "I need to tell you guys something..." said Sara, suddenly sounding emotional. "Today... when Tegan... Oh God I can't even say it..." said Sara with her face in her hands. Sonia put her hand on her thigh and squeezed it. "It's okay Sara... take your time..." Sara stayed quiet for a minute, taking a few sips of her warm milk. Her heated breath made small clouds and she looked at it, contemplating the wisdom of sharing this with them. "You know how everybody always asks us if we have any weird twin... things going on? Well... I never thought we did, ever, but today... I swear I could feel it when they shocked Tegan... I felt those shocks run through me, even when I wasn't in the room anymore... Especially when I wasn't in the room? I couldn't see it or hear it but i felt it. It was the weirdest thing... I..." Sara trailed off shaking her head. "Oh sweetie... I know... I felt you jolt and I cold see you were in pain but I assumed it was emotional pain. It killed me seeing you in so much pain" said Sonia sounding emotional. "Maybe it... I don't know maybe it was all in my head... I guess it was... But I felt physical pain. I felt those shocks and it felt as if somebody was pumping on my chest... My lungs and my heart felt as they wanted to explode. And I lost it... I lost it... I couldn't stand the thought of..." Sara started crying again. "I don't know if Tegan could feel anything... I guess not... But if she could... I never want Tegan to feel that pain again" she said softly looking at the floor. Erin felt her eyes burn and tears break free from her eyelids. She got up. stood behind Sara and put her arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight. Sara put her hands over Erin's. Erin brought her head down to right next to Sara's, still holding her tight. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Sara... I can't imagine how difficult... How utterly traumatizing that must have been. But you know, maybe you took Tegan's pain when she couldn't. Maybe you carried her through it"

_A/N: Probably the soppiest chapter ever... femotion... Remember to pop me a review please! _


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

The next few days were pretty uneventful. Tegan remained in stable but serious condition. Every day felt like Groundhog Day. Everybody started settling into Tegan's daily routine. She would receive a sponge bath in the morning, x-rays and CT scans an hour later, rest for 2 hours, physical therapy for an hour, rest for 2 hours, more physical therapy, more scans and test to ensure that the ecmo machine was working as it should and that Tegan wasn't forming any blood clots, and so it went on and on. Lindsey was starting to wonder how Tegan could get any rest with all this commotion going on around her. But, something must have been working because every morning when Tegan came back from x-ray and CT Kate had a smile on her face. Every day Tegan made progress, some days very little and at a snails pace but she was slowly fighting her way back.

The support team helped as much as they could with Tegan's physical therapy. Arizona said that it was good for them to do something physical for Tegan if possible. she wanted them to feel as if they were of some use. The therapists let them help where they could, knowing that physical touch by a loved one is as important as any other treatment. The support team mostly helped to move Tegan's arms and legs up and down, left and right, around in circles, all to keep her muscles and tendons loose. Sara put lip balm onto Tegan's pale lips a few times a day. Erin massaged cuticle cream into her fingernails. Lindsey rubbed lotion into her skin every day after her sponge bath. She enjoyed being able to touch a little bit more of Tegan than her hand and looked forward to this bit of physical touch every day, lightly massaging her soft skin with both her hands. "All I want to get is... a little bit closer... So let's make things physical." Lindsey sang to Tegan every day, and every day it made Lindsey chuckle. Lindsey felt the hair on Tegan's legs grow longer every day. "Tegan's going flip when she sees this. She hates hair on her legs" said Lindsey to Sonia laughing.

The therapists massaged Tegan's entire body a few times a day to improve circulation and prevent bed sores. The medical team continued to treat Tegan's lungs aggressively with drugs and a variety of other treatments. None of the support team left the hospital. Somebody was next to Tegan's side at all times, whenever possible. Every day they played Tegan her favourite music and read her some mail. Sara told everybody that she was sure that Tegan's vital signs improved every time they played music. Sara was sending regular but very vague website updates on Tegan's condition. The media continued to hound them, especially now that they knew that two A-list actors were in the hospital and haven't left since they got there. As a result none of them opened their e-mail or their text messages any more. They left it all to Jeremy, Tom and Erin's assistant. They were however sending regular updates to all of Tegan's many friends and family. The lack of outside contact was kind of like being stranded on an island. Nobody else was allowed to see Tegan and they asked respectfully that no more friends come to the hospital. Tegan's fan made shrine outside grew every day. Flowers, cards, letters, gifts.

Sara was reading Tegan some mail while listening to some music. A new heap of mail just arrived from Jeremy, mails from their email account. Mails from so many of their close friends. All of them expressing the desire to be there but respecting their decision not to allow further visitors. Sara read out the letters one by one. Long, beautiful, sincere emails from a variety of family and friends, famous and none. Musicians, producers, peers, crew, band mates... _ You can have Manhattan, I know it's for the best, I'll gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep, And I'll tip toe away, So you won't have to say, You heard me __leave_ she heard Sara Bareilles' gorgeous voice softly over the speaker and stared out in front of her. She loved that song, she hated that song... it reminded Sara of her... of the one person she should have hung onto for dear life but didn't. She thought about that girl often and especially during the last few days. She Felt a sudden pang of longing in her chest. She hastily pressed the remote control's forward button looking annoyed. Ted walked in and helped Sara read some more letters. Sara picked up the next email and her heart jumped into her throat as she read the name in the from field. She swallowed deeply, eyes wide and folded the paper up without reading. Ted gave her a weird look. "Empty page... don't know what happened there..." mumbled Sara, lying. For the next hour the page felt as if it was burning a hole in her pocket.

Sara finally found herself alone. She was sitting in the emergency stairwell holding the folded up piece of paper. She studied the creases of the folded page intently. She didn't know whether to tear it up or read it. She opened the paper, her hands were shaking. "Dear Tegan" the note started. It was a beautiful letter of encouragement and love sent from one friend to another. She always had a way with words, thought Sara. After the note to Tegan the letter had some blank lines and then continued... "My dearest Sara" As she read the first line, tears started seeping from her eyes. Sara started rocking, she wiped the warm tears with the back of her hand and tried to get the swimming words back in focus. "I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't even imagine your pain. It kills me thinking about either one of you hurting, physically or emotionally. I wish I was with you, I wish I could hold you and take your pain and your fear away. I would get on the next plane to LA if I knew you wanted me there. I've been sending you so many texts and emails but I haven't had any reply. Please don't push me away Sara, we've been friends too long to let one night get between us. I don't want to lose you. I care too much for you. Please phone me, I just want to talk. Give Teegs a big hug from me and send her my love. I miss you. Sending you love and light xxx" Sara stared at the name at the end of the printed out email... Emy.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 **

The bruise on Tegan's face had changed colour and was now a deep purple with some greenish spots where it was starting to heal. The swelling was almost all gone. Tegan looked frail having lost a lot of weight. Her nutrition was increased during the last few days and she seemed to at least hold her weight steady and not dropping any further.

Erin was somewhere in the hospital getting some physical therapy for a strained neck muscle. She was resisting getting help for the last day or two but it got so bad that she could hardly turn her head and she moved like a robot. "That's what you get for being in a constant muscle spasm... and not getting it sorted out earlier... and sleeping in chairs... and not getting proper rest" Kate scolded Erin earlier. Sara and Sonia made a decision to both go speak to Arizona together. They tried their best to work through this thing and come out the other side still sane! Lindsey was sitting next to Tegan's bed in a sunny spot left by the winter's sun peeping through the open blinds. She was writing in a book when Alex entered. "Hey Linds, how's the patient doing this morning?" he asked. "She's doing okay thanks Al, not much to report... Kate wants to talk to us about something but she got called into emergency surgery. She said it's not urgent and we don't have to worry but..." Lindsey trailed off. "I'm sure it's nothing serious, Kate wouldn't tell you it's not a big deal if it was. Hey what's this?" asked Alex pointing to the journal in Lindsey's hands. "It's a journal we're keeping for Tegan. It was Erin who suggested it. We write down everything that's happening to her, or we write messages to her or sometimes we just write what we're feeling. We all know Tegan and we know that when she wakes up she's going to have a million and a half questions, she's going to want a full report and I don't think we're going to remember anything... There's so much happening every day" said Lindsey smiling. "I guess it's also a great form of therapy for all of you?" said Alex with his hand on Lindsey's shoulder. "Yeah... It is... " said Lindsey softly. "How are you doing Linds?" asked Alex. "I'm okay, tired and throwing up a hundred times every morning but I'm fine. I'll take the morning sickness any day knowing that it's a baby causing all of it. God Alex... Tegan wants a baby so, so bad. She will be so over the moon when she finds out. So happy... I can't wait to tell her." said Lindsey sounding emotional. "So, when are we going to see a mini Alex or Erin running around? This one needs a friend" asked Lindsey smiling. "Soon I hope... we're trying... well obviously we haven't 'tried' in a while but you know... soon" said Alex. "Mmmm – Hospital supply rooms are not as comfy and romantic as they look on TV?" laughed Lindsey. Alex chuckled and looked at Tegan's Kids 50 tattoo peeping put from under her arm "Does this mean Tee wants 50 kids?" He asked jokingly. "Probably!" smiled Lindsey. "You guys should go home and get some rest, just get out of here for a while. It's Valentine 's Day tomorrow. I'm sure you don't want to wake up in a hospital. And Erin's completely finished; she's been a rock for us. She needs a break" said Lindsey. "Aren't you all exhausted and drained?" asked Alex with a raised eyebrow. Lindsey just kept quiet and looked at Tegan's "The world just strips away" tattoo. Are you going home for a rest?" asked Alex. "No... I'm not going anywhere" said Lindsey. "Then neither are we" said Alex smiling and squeezed Lindsey's shoulder.

The support team were all summonsed to the waiting room. Sara was nervously pacing the room with her arms folded when Kate entered. "Hi guys" she said "Don't look so nervous!" she smiled. Sara dropped her arms to her sides and sat down next to her mom. "Tegan's doing well under the circumstances. If all continues to go well we may be able to start weaning her off the ecmo in a few days. She's stable, everything's as expected at the moment. Now... We would like to try and wake Tegan up today. It will be very brief but we need to check her neuro function. Her head CTs and all her other tests all keep coming back normal but her heart stopped beating for almost 10 minutes after all and her oxygen levels were very low. Sara sighed loudly and put her head in her hands. "Do you think there's a problem Kate, is Tegan going to wake up, is she going to be okay, will her brain be okay" Lindsey was rambling and felt those familiar tears roll down her cheeks. "Hey, hey Linds... shhh it's okay, she's okay. So far everything looks fine, but we just need to check and make sure. I suspect that it won't be more than a bit of confusion, perhaps some intermittent memory loss, some mood swings but I don't think it's serious. Dr Shepherd is the best neuro surgeon in the country, she's in great hands. I think it's a good idea for you to be there when she wakes up, she needs to see some familiar, loving faces, but I need you guys to stay calm please. Only one person can talk at a time here. Don't confuse her, don't get her worked up. She's going to be groggy, confused and scared. She'll probably be in a some pain as we'll need to ease up on the pain meds if we want her to wake up. Lindsey, I want her calm. It's important that she stays calm! So I think it's better if you don't tell her your news now" said Kate, Lindsey nodded and swallowed hard. "When she wakes up I want only ONE person at a time to speak to her. I repeat, try not to confuse or agitate her. When we ask, I want you to keep quiet until we've done our assessment. You can speak to her again for a minute or two, thereafter we're putting her under again."

Sara, Sonia, Lindsey and Erin sat next to Tegan's bed waiting for her to wake up. It's been hours since Kate's removed Tegan's sedation and she was still not stirring. She had some new electrodes, this time on her forehead an temples To monitor her brain activity throughout the process. "Come on Teegs, wake up sweetie" said Lindsey while holding Tegan's hand. "This is taking too long... Why's she not waking up? It's taking too long... something's wrong" said Sara starting to breathe fast. "Nothing's wrong Sara" said Dr Derek Shepherd. His voice was calming and soothing. "Just give her some time... give her time" Sara was pacing up and down again. She needed a way to get rid of her build up energy, adrenaline and frustration. Walking up and down wasn't doing the trick. Sara could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She walked to the end of the bed and held on the metal bars at the feet. She shook it hard twice causing Tegan's head to loll around slightly "Wake up Tegan! Wake the fuck up!" Sonia turned to her looking upset "Sara, don't do that! No! Calm down... We need Tegan calm so settle down!" she said strictly. "I think she's waking up guys" exclaimed Lindsey.

Tegan became aware of her body first. Pain seemed to come slowly, from a distance and then it suddenly hit her like a punch in the gut._ Where am I? Everything hurts... Where am I?_ Tegan tried to move, tried to open her eyes but she couldn't. She felt something going into her mouth and throat. Something else down her nose, it was uncomfortable and she wanted it out! She tried to cough but she was too weak. She heard beeping, hissing, clicking... what is that? The sound of footsteps... something shaking... "Wake up Tegan! Wake the fuck up!" somebody screamed. _Sara_? Tegan forced her eyes open halfway, they were drooping. Light flooded into her pupils. Blurry images slowly came into focus.

"Tegan, it's Kate. Look at me Tegan, open your eyes buddy" said Kate calmly stroking Tegan's hand. She nodded at Lindsey to start talking "Tegan baby, it's Lindsey... Hey, There you are... Hi sweetie. You're in the hospital Tegan. But you're okay. They're taking really good care of you, everything's okay" Tegan stared into Lindsey's eyes. "She's not fighting the vent, BPs holding, pulse is up" said Derek. "Tegan, everybody's right here with you... Just say calm, we're going to look into your eyes and do a few tests okay. Just relax for me" said Kate gently. Lindsey was stroking Tegan's hair softly.

Tegan didn't understand what she was doing in a hospital. Her brow furrowed. Memories slowly started coming back to her though but she felt confused... _Everything hurts...What's going on?... So tired.._.. Light was blinding her eyes. Lindsey's hand in her hair comforted her a bit. "She was too weak to move. She tried to do as commanded but the male doctor. The light went in and out, in and out of each eye. "Follow the light Tegan... now follow my finger" said Derek. Tegan followed orders although she was struggling a bit. "Can you squeeze my hand Tegan" said the gentle sounding male doctor as he took her hand in his. "Squeeze my hand Tegan" he asked again. Tegan tried with everything in her to move her fingers but she was just too weak. Kate looked up at Derek with concern in her eyes. "Tegan, squeeze the Doctor's hand – come on focus" said Sara loudly. Everybody in the room stared at Tegan's hands, her fingers moved and she squeezed Derek's hand weakly. "Yes! That's it Tee" exclaimed Sara.

Tegan felt dizzy but she didn't want to close her eyes. She wanted to see these faces. She needed to see them. Her mom, Sara, Erin and Lindsey too turns to talk to Tegan. They all spoke softly and calmed her with their gentle, loving words. Tegan felt calm again, she started to feel safe again. She didn't register much that was being said but she heard her loved ones and she saw their faces. Their tired, worried faces..._ did I do this to them? They look worried... I did this to them._... "Time to go back to sleep Tegan" said Kate smiling. "You're doing great Tegan, we've got you alright! Just keep on keeping on, my star patient." said Kate winking at her friend. "Love you buddy. See ya on the flipside" said Kate. Everybody else took turns to say goodnight. Kate turned open the IVs and Tegan felt herself slowly slipping away. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Lindsey was on a high for the next day from seeing Tegan awake and responding to questions. She had a smile that went from ear to ear and it never left her face. For the first time in days she slept like a log, she woke up and actually had an appetite. Lindsey walked into Tegan's room with a shiny, red heart shaped balloon and another balloon shaped with the shape of an I, then the shape of a heart, then a U. She was holding a plastic solar powered flower with a smiley face in her other hand. It was all she could find at the hospital gift shop. The flower moved from side to side happily. She put the flower on the nightstand and tied the balloons to the bottom of the bed. "Happy Valentine's Day sweetie" she said and kissed Tegan's forehead softly. Tegan and Lindsey both loved Valentine's day. They had an unofficial competition every year to see who could be the cheesiest. Lindsey leaned forward, her face now only about 6 inches from Tegan's. She breathed in Tegan's scent. She cocked her head and stared at the love of her life, taking in every bit of her beautiful face, her long eyelashes, her perfect button nose, her soft lips, her flawless skin, her gorgeous cheekbones. She smiled "You're so beautiful..." She started her daily song, singing softly "My funny valentine. Sweet comic valentine, You make me smile with my heart, Your looks are laughable, Unphotographable, Yet you're my favourite work of art. But don't change a hair for me, Not if you care for me, Stay little valentine stay, Each day is valentines day" Lindsey breathed deeply to control her emotion that was threatening to once again spill over. "I love you" she said holding Tegan's hand and stroking her cheek softly. The plaster over the cut was removed a few hours ago and it was healing beautifully. She moved closer and planted a soft kiss on the scar. "Whoops, am I interrupting something?" said Kate entering the room smiling and looking guilty. "Yeah, we were just having passionate valentines sex when you walked in, so if you don't mind" Lindsey chuckled.

Sara couldn't get Emy out of her mind but she didn't reply to her mail, she didn't text her, she didn't call her... but she missed her, she pined for her. _Fucking valentines femotion._... she thought to herself.

Alex arranged a romantic valentines breakfast in Kate's office. Erin didn't want to leave the hospital. Not because she felt she shouldn't but because there were a dozen media vans parked outside and she didn't have the strength to face them today. She didn't want anything to spoil her good mood.

When Tegan was taken to her daily X-ray and CT scan, Lindsey ate a huge breakfast with Sara and Sonia. They shared funny Tegan stories and laughed out loud and just finally relaxed a bit. Lindsey had forgotten how good it feels to laugh so much your cheeks and stomach hurts. She was sitting in Tegan's room after another busy day of Physical Therapy, tests and treatment. Dusk was falling outside. She held Tegan's hand in hers as always. Lindsey took her phone out of her pocket and took a photo of Tegan's hand in hers, a hand and a tattooed arm with IV lines and a BP cuff around it, part of her hospital gown. Lindsey suddenly realized how much she missed her camera. Her camera was part of her soul, her language, that's how she expressed herself. One of her favorite things in the world was taking photos of Tegan. Lindsey hesitated before posting the artistic shot to Instagram. The caption read: "Not the ideal way to spend Valentine's Day, but I've NEVER been more in love"

A day later, Sara sat on the roof of the hospital with her back against the wall and her legs pulled up. Her head was thrown back and leaning against the wall. Her forearms were resting on her knees and a paper cup was hanging from the tips of her right fingers. Her eyes were closed and had feint dark rings under them. Her mouth was open just a crack, she smiled. This empty rooftop has become her happy place. Her peace hardly ever got shattered by the sound of an emergency helicopter landing. Sara was thinking about the last time she saw Emy, it was about 4 weeks ago on their last short tour break. Sara spent her break in New York. She knew it was a bad idea getting close to Emy again. They've been relatively good friends after ending their relationship about 6 years ago but they've never crossed that line again. They didn't see each other a lot but when they did the chemistry and soul connection was undeniable. It was obvious for others to see, it was simple, it was primal, it was real. Emy understood Sara like nobody's ever understood her... not even Tegan. Emy unexpectedly crept back into her life. That night came flooding back into her head at the most random, sometimes inappropriate times. But this time, she allowed it... she enjoyed it. Sara smiled with her eyes still closed. She relived that night. The party of a mutual friend in New York that they left early, the two bottles of red wine, running hand in hand down central park west, the roof garden, the blanket, talking for hours... Emy's apartment, the crisp white sheets that smelled like laundry detergent. That smell, that familiar sweet smell, Emy's smell. Sara's never felt more sheer desire, more lust for Emy... she wanted her, body and soul. She needed to feel her silky hair in her fingers, her soft creamy skin under her hands. Emy's sweet, warm breath in her neck. She wanted to give Emy pleasure and she felt her insides shudder as she thought about it. It was a night of the most passionate sex Sara's ever experienced. She wanted Emy back that night, she wanted to be with her every moment. She wanted to bare her soul to her. As Sara lay next to Emy's naked body the voices started. _So many reasons it didn't work out Sara... Emy's better off without you... You're no good for her... She doesn't love you anymore... she doesn't... Don't let yourself get hurt again Sara... It's better you go now before you hurt her_... Sara thought about their relationship. Fear was preventing her to let go but she feared more what she didn't know. _I've changed... She's changed... Can this work? I miss her... I need her... So much... I love her... I want to make this work so bad... NO! Sara you asshole... she's finally over you... and now this... don't do this to her... I'm so selfish... I need to let her go... I hope I didn't fuck up too much. I need to let her go... but I can't._ Sara forced herself up, quietly got dressed and sneaked out of Emy's apartment. It was stormy outside, large, icy raindrops fell on Sara's jacket hood and face hiding the tears that started falling. Sara walked briskly, then picked up speed until she was sprinting as fast as she could down the streets of Manhattan. Running away from her past... running away from her future?

Sara opened her eyes and let go of the memory of that night. She was confused, she was lonely but more than that she was angry, angry at herself. She took the cup and hauled it in anger across the roof towards the helicopter landing pad. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing" she whispered.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Hope you're still enjoying the story. __**Reviews please!**_

**Chapter 25**

Tegan's condition continued to improve every day. Kate walked into the family room where the support team was gathered for their daily official update. Stephen and Bruce were there again as it was weekend. "I just had a look at Tegan's latest test results" Kate reported. "Everything looks good, her lungs are clear and so much stronger. I think we're ready to take her off the ecmo" she said smiling. A collective sigh of relief could be heard. "Are you sure she's strong enough Kate?" Asked Sonia concerned. "Well, she'll still be on the vent, it will be breathing for her but her lungs and not the machine will be doing the work again, oxygenating her blood. We'll see how she copes with the vent but I'm positive that we can get her off that too in the next few days. The longer we wait the more difficult it becomes to get her off the ecmo. The body can only tolerate it so long and the risks will start increasing from here. She's ready, she's been working hard. We've been weaning her off ecmo bit by bit over the last few days. She coped just fine. Yesterday we bypassed the ecmo completely for half an hour and she was fine. I didn't want to get your hopes up just yet so I didn't tell you. We'll be taking her back into surgery in an hour. Surgery always has some kind of risk involved though. Hold thumbs and send lots of love and light" said Kate looking confident.

The team was sitting in the stuffy family room a few minutes after Tegan was taken to pre-op. Nobody spoke, everybody lost in their own thoughts and prayers for Tegan. Sara looked noticeably on edge. Her leg was jumping up and down quickly again. She had a rough couple of days. Tegan was getting better but Sara still could not shake her anxiety. Emy entered her mind frequently and she was hating herself more and more for not having the guts to pick up the phone and call her or to at least write her back. She hardly slept, a mixture of worry, anger and longing always swam around in her chest. She got up, walked around and sat back down a number of times. She was freaking out knowing her twin was in surgery again. Erin turned to her "you know in the days of the cavemen, adrenaline was there to help you run away from physical threats, from mountain lions and bears and stuff… But you know… These days our mountain lions are emotional… It's stress, it's in our heads. But our minds don't know the difference between an emotional threat and a physical threat so it produces the same amount of adrenaline and we don't use all that built up adrenaline" she said. Sara looked at her suspiciously. "Yeah so… What are you a shrink now?" she mumbled. "So, when I feel a rush of adrenaline I run it off because it fucks me up physically. I imagine a lion chasing me and I run… Sometimes I scream… Let's run Sara… Let's run up to the roof" she said, her face emotionless. "Run from this lion…" said Sara.

Sara and Erin stood in the emergency stairwell, both already breathing heavy in anticipation. "Go, run from the lion Erin" said Sara as they started running up the stairs. Sara ran as fast as her short legs and her now unfit body could carry her. The imaginary lion was on her heels and she felt the adrenaline coursing through her body forcing her legs to continue. Erin followed close on Sara's heels. She tripped and fell banging her knee hard on the sharp end of one of the steps. She curled in pain. Sara didn't notice and kept running as if her life depended on it.

Sara burst onto the roof and stopped. She bent down and put her hands on her knees panting, struggling to get her breath back. She felt a sharp pain in her side, she hadn't felt that pain since high school PE drills. She stood like that for a few second, suddenly anger and fear overcame her. She turned to the wall and banged her palms on it repeatedly, screaming. Tears of rage were bursting from her eyes. A nail was sticking out from the empty wall and Sara's hand hit it. She pulled it away and held her injured hand with the other, bending over. She looked at it and saw blood slowly seeping from a cut in the fleshy bit above her wrist, under her pinky. The adrenaline was wearing off and the pain slowly increased… Sara didn't mind it, in fact she welcomed it. She focussed on the pain that seemed to take away all her other pain. She stood with her eyes closed, her body started shaking with emotion. She turned back to the wall and opened her eyes…. Sara could feel the rough wall break her skin as she punched it over and over. She couldn't will herself to stop…

Erin came walking up the stairs slowly and saw a wild eyed Sara punching the wall. She felt her knee scream in pain as she sprinted forward. She grabbed Sara from behind with both her arms and held onto her as tight as she could. "Let me go, let me go" screamed Sara. "It's okay Sara, it's okay… Okay" Erin kept repeating as she held onto a raging Sara. Sara slowly stopped struggling, a loud wail escaped her throat. "Aaaaaaahhhggg, everything is so fucked up…. Make it stop" Erin turned Sara around as she started sobbing uncontrollably. "Shhhh, it's okay Sar. Everything's gonna be alright. Just relax. Shhhh, I've got you Sara, I've got you" Sara's body was like a balloon slowly deflating. She started sinking to the ground, still shaking and sobbing in Erin's arms.


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: just a short chapter to end off the evening_

**Chapter 26**

Sara lay sobbing in Erin's arms, she didn't know how to stop. Her world came crumbling down slowly. Everything that had happened in the last few weeks crushing her. Erin just held her, rubbed her back and arms and whispered softly. "It's okay, it's okay Sara... Let it out... I've got you, I've got you..." Seeing Sara break down was one of the hardest things Erin has ever had to witness. Erin gently put her t-shirt material scarf around Sara's bleeding hand. Sara slowly started to calm down, her head on Erin's lap. She stayed like this for about half and hour, her diaphragm and throat muscles spasming involuntarily every few seconds. Alex walked out of the door and got a fright when he saw a broken Sara lying in Erin's lap. He walked over briskly and bent down on his knees. "Is everything okay... Is she alright?" He asked sounding panicked. "She's okay, she's okay... Just give us a minute honey" said Erin sounding spooked. Alex put his hand on Sara's back and rubbed it. "Tegan's out of surgery, she's fine... Everything went great. She's off ecmo and she's stable" he said. Another sob escaped Sara's throat. She was still too overcome with emotion to talk.

_Thank God... Tegan's okay... Tee's fine_... _Pull yourself together Sara_... Sara wanted to sit up but couldn't will herself to do so yet. "Should I call Kate or Arizona?" Whispered Alex into Erin's ear. Erin nodded and kept rubbing Sara's back. A few minutes later Kate came walking onto the roof looking worried. "Sara? You okay there?" She asked gently. Sara forced herself into a sitting position and finally managed to talk. "Yeah, I'm fine..." she said softly looking pale. "Have you heard the good news? Tegan's out of surgery and she's doing fine" said Kate looking at Sara. "yeah, that's great... thank you Kate" said Sara weakly. Tear stains were visible on her red cheeks, her eyes were bloodshot. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry Erin..." she said looking at the concrete floor. "That's okay, you're okay Sar" whispered Erin. Kate felt panic rise as she saw blood on the scarf around Sara's hand. She gently took Sara's healthy left hand in hers and felt her pulse, it was rapid but strong. "What happened to your hand Sara?" she asked looking into Sara's exhausted eyes. Sara looked down at her hand and felt emotion starting to build again. She shook her head. "It's no big deal" she whispered. "Can I have a look?" Asked Kate calmly, trying her best not to upset Sara again. She gently removed the scarf. Sara turned her head away. Sara's knuckles were bleeding and her hand was swollen. Kate turned her hand and saw the gaping cut on her hand. "Let's get you cleaned up Sar" she whispered as she wrapped her hand again. Alex and Kate gently and slowly lifted Sara To her feet. Sara's legs buckled beneath her and she held on to Alex for support. She felt completely drained and had trouble just standing. "Erin" she said softly, all the fight drained out of her. "I'm right here Sara" said Erin. "Thank you... Thank you..."

Alex put his arm under Sara's knees and lifted her. Sara didn't struggle. He carried her off the roof. Erin came wobbling behind them. Her knee screaming in pain. "Is that Sara's blood on your pants" asked Kate. "Yeah, Don't know... I think so... I think I just sprained it" she said through her teeth. "What on earth were you two up to?" asked Kate with her arm around Erin's middle, supporting her as she hobbled towards the elevator. "Long story... Let's just get Sara sorted out first"

Alex put Sara down on a hospital bed. Erin fell down into a chair nearby breathing in pain. Sonia came rushing into the room and gasped when she saw Sara. Sara just turned away from her mother and pushed her face int the pillow. "Sara, sweetie, are you okay, what happened" asked Sonia. "I'm fine mom, just... I just need some space... Mom... Please" she said, still not facing her mom. Sonia bit her lip, forcing herself to stay quiet. "Alright sweetie, I'm right outside if you need me okay" she whispered and gave Sara a kiss on the head. She knew that when Sara asked for space she meant it. It still felt like a stab in the heart though.

"This one looks as if she's getting cabin fever" said the bottle blonde hacker girl looking at the computer monitor. "Good, then maybe she'll get out of there soon" said the dirty looking man. "Keep an eye on her, we don't want to miss our chance"


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"We're going to need an x-ray of this hand" said Kate studying Sara's raw knuckles. "And this guy is going to need some stitches and a tetnis shot. She said looking at the gaping cut. Sara stared out in front of her emotionless. Her hand was throbbing. "Can you get me a BP please" Kate asked an intern. She took the penlight out of her pocket and shone it into Sara's pupils. "Follow my finger" she requested. Sara did as instructed. "Have you eaten anything today Sara?" asked Kate. "I... don't think so" said Sara quietly. Kate shook her head. "I know it's been hard for you Sara but why did you hurt yourself like this?" she asked gently, her eyes searching for an answer. "I don't know... I guess I was just frustrated..." mumbled Sara. Kate couldn't get much else out of her.

An x-ray of Sara's hand showed 2 broken bones in her hand. Luckily it didn't require surgery. Kate stitched up her palm and placed a removable cast on her hand with strict instructions not to remove it without concent! Sara nodded tiredly. _What the fuck did I do... I play guitar for a living..._ thought Sara, distress started showing on her face again. Without asking permission Kate injected Sara with a sedative and put her on an IV with glucose and saline. Sara was out immediatly. Kate stoked her hair "What's going on with you Sara? Don't lose your grip now" she whispered to her sleeping friend.

Lindsey was standing next to Tegan's bed looking at the monitors. Since the ecmo was removed her pulse ox dropped back to the low 90s but Kate said it was normal. The large machine with the two thick blood filled tubes were gone and Lindsey sighed, relieved. Tegan's chest tubes remained in place for now. The tube helping her breathe stayed and so did the NG tube. It was clear that Tegan was still very sick but Lindsey felt calm, knowing that she was getting better. For the first time she believed that Tee would be okay. "You are doing so great babe, so great! You're going to be out of here in no time... I love you more every day..."

Kate walked outside to the waiting room shaking her head, she felt so sorry for Sara and she hated not understanding what was going on in her head. "Hey guys" she sighed. "Seems we have another patient, Sara's hand is broken in two places. We cleaned up her raw knuckles, the cut required 5 stitches and we've got her in a cast. Physically she's fine, shaken up but fine... but I'm worried about her emotional state. I've sedated her again. I know she hasn't been sleeping for days. I've consulted with Dr Robbins and she agrees that it would be good to force her to get some rest for maybe the rest of today and tonight. I'm therefore going to admit her for the night, keep her sedated, let's just make sure she's okay" reported Kate. Everybody nodded and thanked her, she walked up to Erin who was looking shaken herself. She sat next to her and started a private conversation. "What happened E" she asked. Images of a hysterical Sara came flooding back into Erin's head. "I... I don't know... She just lost it..." Erin ran Kate through the afternoon's events. She's had to tell this story so many times already, everybody was asking questions. "I'm going to see Tegan now..." said Erin sounding tired and tried to get up. Her face contracted in pain and she plonked back down "ahhhh!" Alex and Kate was next to her immediately "what's wrong baby?" asked Alex with wide eyes. "My knee... I fell and i hurt it but it's fine... I'm sure I just sprained it" Kate and Alex helped her up and led her towards the x-ray room. "It's fine guys.. Don't worry about it, just help me hobble to Tee's room" she pleaded. Alex picked her up "time to take care of you for a change" he said looking worried. Erin had some seriously sprained ligaments and it turned out the blood on her pants weren't Sara's after all. She had a cut that required stitches too. They put some ice packs on her knee. They would consider surgery once the swelling went down but they hoped it wasn't nescessary. Callie the otho resident numbed her up pretty well and the drugs took their toll. She tried het best to fight the drowsiness caused by the pain meds so she could go see Tegan but the fight was soon lost. They decided to keep her sleeping for the night too. They wheeled her next to Sara in the double room. Sonia stood in the middle of the two beds looking at her two hurting kids. Erin was like a child to her too. She wished there was so something she could do to ease their pain.

Sara woke up with another pounding headache and a throbbing hand. Dawn was breaking outside and light started seeping through the blinds. She turned to see Erin in the bed next to her and her mom and Alex sleeping in two chairs. _What's wrong with Erin? _she thought panicked. Erin looked fine though, sleeping on her back with her mouth hanging open. Sara told herself that it can't be serious, she's probably just sleeping in an empty bed. Her thoughts wandered to Tegan and she breathed a sigh of relief remembering that Tegan made it off ecmo okay. She knew het mom wouldn't be in here with her if Tee wasn't okay. She thought about her meltdown and shook her head. Emy entered her thoughts again... She wanted Emy to be here with her. To take her pain away, to tell her everything was going to be okay. Nobody else, just her Emy...

Sara and Erin were both released a few hours later after being forced to eat a full breakfast. The walking wounded entered Tegan's room, Erin had crutches and a leg brace and Sara a white cast on her arm that ended halfway up her forearm. "You two look like you've been to war" teased Lindsey. "Are you guys okay?" she asked concerned, Sara and Erin nodded. "Seriously... Don't do that! You need to take care of yourselves girls, Tegan needs us"

Sara sat in the stairwell, the roof was no longer her happy place, it was ruined forever. She stared at her phone, the screen showed a photo of Emy playfully looking over her shoulder. _I can't go on like this... I have to... I have to at least try. _Sara pressed the green button in a moment of bravery. The phone rang once. "Sara?" She heard the voice say. Sara's eyes went wide and she pressed the red end button. _Stupid... Fuck Sara why did you do that... She's going to think you're an idiot... Fuck! _The phone in her hand started ringing. Emy's face appeared again. "You can do this Sara! Quin for the win" she mumbled to herself. "Hello" she said sofly...

"Sara, it's Emy... I'm so happy you called" she said softly. Sara stayed silent for a few seconds "hi Emy..." she said, emotion breaking in her voice. "Sara, are you okay, is Tegan okay?" asked Emy alarmed by Sara's weak voice. "Yeah, yeah, Tegan's much better. Her condition is still very serious but she's getting better every day... The docs say she's going to be okay" "Thank God" sighed Emy. "I've been so worried... I tried so many times to get a hold of you... I still have Tom's number and he's been updating me though but he wouldn't let me speak to you... Said it was your decision" Warm tears ran over Sara's cheeks again... She had her hand in front of her mouth trying to conceal her sobs. "Sara?... Are you there?" asked Emy. "I'm sorry Emy... I'm sorry I haven't been in touch... And I'm sorry for..." a sob escaped her mouth "oh God I'm sure you hate me... I'm sorry for that night... For just leaving without saying goodbey. For disappearing off the face of the earth... Please don't hate me Emy" said Sara through her tears. "I don't hate you Sara... You hurt me but I knew you needed time... Sara ... " Sara tried to interject "Emy I.." She was cut off fast. "Shutup Sara and let me talk!... I respect and will accept whatever you decide" said Emy sternly, her voice changed tone, becoming gentle "but I want you to know that I think you are perfect, and lovely just the way you are and that I think we can make this work Sar, you're the one... You've always been the one and I'm not letting you go without..." Sara's tear filled voice cut her off mid sentence. "I love you Emy, I always have... I need you... I need you so much"


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: hope you're all happy Sara's happy? Let me have your thoughts please. Review!

**Chapter 28**

Sara and Emy talked for two hours. They both declared their love and Sara felt truly calm, happy and safe for the first time since entering this hospital. Sara unashamedly shared her fears, her anxiety her longing with Emy. Lots of tears followed, lots of laughs. Lots of love... "Hey guess what? Tegan's going to be a mommy! Lindsey's preggo! And they used Tegan's eggs. I'm going to be an aunt!" said Sara giggling. "Holy shit! That's awesome! You're going to spoil that kid rotten!" said Emy laughing. "You bet I am... And maybe I can spoil our kid one day" Sara quickly put her hand to her mouth regretting what she just said. Emy was quiet on the other side... "Too soon" asked Sara softly. "No... I'm just wondering what age would be okay for Tegan take our kid to rock concerts." she giggled. Sara breathed a sigh of relief._ Stay cool Quin_... "I want to be with you Sar, I'm coming to LA... I need to be with you" said Emy. "Em, I'm fine. I'm okay now... And Tee's gonna be okay. I'm the luckiest girl in the world" grinned Sara. "I can't wait to see you but I want you to stay and finish your exhibition... The world needs to see your talent. I'll buy you a ticket and you can come to LA in a few days when you're done" said Sara. "But you need me and that's more important right now, fuck the show" said Emy. "I have you... Just hearing your voice and knowing that you're mine again is okay... Em... I insist... Finish the exhibition" Emy stayed quiet a few seconds "I love you Sara Quin... And I never want to lose you again..." Sara and Emy said goodbye like two teenagers. Neither wanting to hang up. Sara left the cold stairwell feeling like a new person... Feeling alive again... Feeling loved... Feeling safe... She could face the world again!

Five days later. Emy and Sara spoke on the phone numerous times every day. The gang was relieved and happy to see Sara almost back to her old self again. She was in love and it showed! Lindsey was doing well, her morning sickness continued though. Erin's knee was getting better and she only required one crutch now. Tegan's condition continued to improve. She remained sedated but her chest tubes and cardiac catheter was removed. Her condition had been stable since being removed from the ecmo machine. Sonia continued to take care of all of them like a mother hen.

Kate walked into Tegan's room and looked at the five strongest, most amazing women she had ever met. Lindsey was writing in the journal, her hand in Tegan's as always. Sara and Erin were reading Tegan fan mail. Sonia was fiddling with the iPod insisting they listen to Josh Groban now because "he's just so uplifting" Sara rolled her eyes and groaned, "I guess it's ok, would be kind of hard to puke with an ET tube down your throat hey Tee" Pride welled up in Kate's chest. "I have good news! It's time we try and get rid of this tube... As you know we've been slowly weaning Tegan off the vent over the last few days and she's been handling it just fine. All her scans and test results check out. We feel she's ready." Sonia started sobbing and flung her arms around Kate's neck. "You hear that sweetie" said Lindsey holding Tegan's hand "we're getting rid of this horrible thing" She kissed Tegan's hand, happy tears spilling from her eyes. "We've been keeping her sedated so she doesn't fight the vent and try and pull her tubes out but we're removing it now. She should wake up in about an hour or so, then we can TRY and extubate her. It does't always work first time, just want to manage your expectations. Again, we need her calm. One person talks at a time!" Kate smiled knowing how much these ladies could talk!

An hour and a half later everybody was watching Tegan, trying to will her eyes open. Kate came back into the room. "Any movement yet?" she asked. "Nada..." said Sara dejected. "Then again we all know how much she hates waking up." she smiled. "Tegan, sweetie... Wake up my love" cooed Lindsey. Tegan's eyes opened slowly. "Hi baby, welcome back my love."

Tegan saw blurry faces and heard Lindsey's soothing voice telling her how much she loved her. Her eyes focussed on a shiny red heart shaped balloon... She wanted to smile but something in her throat and mouth was preventing her. She started to cough, wanting it out! She needed to talk, she needed to tell them she loved them. Tegan heard a familiar, calm voice, Kate? "There's a tube in your throat Tegan, don't try to talk! We're going to try and remove it... Just relax for me... Let the machine breathe for you... We're almost there... It's okay. Can you squeeze my hand Tegan?" She focussed all her energy and managed to lightly squeeze Kate's hand. "There we go buddy, good job" said Kate looking up at the monitors. Tegan looked around the room, still groggy. Kate... Mom... Erin... Sara... Lindsey... They were all smiling and it made her feel safe, she felt herself relax. They all took turns to speak to her, softly holding her hand, explaining where she was and what was happening. Telling her how much they loved her. She was confused but she knew that whatever was going on was okay... She was okay. "Alright Teebag, we're going to suction you one more time and then we're taking this bad boy out" said Kate. A respiratory technician pushed the suction tube down to Tegan's lungs and started suctioning. It was the worst feeling in the world, it hurt and it felt as if she was gagging. Tears spilled from her eyes and her face contracted in pain and discomfort. "Alright Tegan, almost there... You're so brave... There we go" said Kate stroking her hair. Lindsey wiped a tear from Tegan's cheek, leaving her own to run down to her jawline.

Sara was standing at the end of the bed with her injured hand arm over her middle and her healthy hand over her mouth. "Oh God I can't watch this" she whispered and closed her eyes. The gargling noises made it even worse. Erin got up with great difficulty, her leg still in a brace. She stood next to Sara and put her arm around her waist. "I know... I know... It's not nice... Almost there baby girl, almost there."said Sonia loud enough for Tegan to hear. The suction tube was pulled out and Tegan felt relief wash over her. She opened her eyes and met Sara's. She looked straight into her eyes for a while and felt herself relax. Her eyes drifted down to Sara's middle and she started to panic as she saw the cast. _Sara, what happened, what... Are you okay?_

"Whoa, pulse is up to 100" said a nurse. Kate saw what Tegan was looking at and took her face in her gloved hands. She turned her head and looked into her eyes. "Tegan, relax... Sara's okay... Just a little hand injury, it's nothing to worry about okay" she said. "Everything's fine Tegan, just stay calm" said Sara, suddenly feeling guilty. Tegan's heart rate slowly returned to normal.

"We're going to count to three and then pull the tube out okay, I want you to cough on three Tegan" said Kate calmly. Tegan felt scared and she squeezed Lindsey's hand. "Alright here we go, one, two... " Tegan coughed as she heard three and felt the tube slide out. She continued coughing weakly as a nurse put an oxygen mask on her face. "Just breathe Tegan, breathe, one at a time" said Kate and put a stethoscope on her chest, listening to her lungs. "There we go, good job Tegan. My star patient. Just breathe" she smiled and turned to the resp tech "lungs sounding clear, good bilateral breath sounds". "BPs holding steady, slightly low at 105 over 65. Sinus rhythm on monitor, pulse stable at 75" reported Dr Altman. Everybody breathed a sigh of relief. "Easy does it, nice deep breaths Tegan. You got it." urged Kate. "Your throat's going to hurt for a while Tee, and it's going to hurt to speak but we're going to numb it up okay. We'll get you some ice chips soon. So proud of you buddy" Tegan's mouth started trembling under the mask "I think she wants to say something" said Lindsey. Kate gently pulled the mask to the side of Tegan's face. "I... love... you guys" Tegan whispered.

"They've just taken her off the vent, she's getting better" said the hacker girl. "Good, they'll come out eventually" said the scruffy man smiling an evil smile.

a/N: There's been some switching up of names - fixed now I hope! I'm a disaster tonight! Ha ha! It's late but I wanted to get some chapters out because I want to get through the boring parts to some more action. Forgive me ;) Let me know if you come across more boo boos please! Thanks!


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Kate upped Tegan's meds again after what must have been a pretty traumatic morning for her. "Let's give her some time to rest now, we'll wake her up again later today" said Kate. Lindsey was ecstatic that Tegan was awake and off the vent, she was dying to tell her the good news about the pregnancy but she was fully aware that this may not be the best time. The gang all stayed next to Tegan's bed, they were joined by Ted, Alex, Jeremy, the twins' dad Stephen and stepdad Bruce. They all stayed pretty quiet to allow Tegan some rest. Sonia had put on some soft classical music and they were all lost in thought. Sara was thinking about the next evening, Emy would be arriving in LA. She was nervous but excited and keep going over the first time they'll see each other in her head making up fictional scenarios. Most were awesome but every now and the doubt crept in ... _What if she doesn't show... What if she tells me she made a mistake... What if she doesn't love me after all?_

Lindsey ran into the bathroom for the umpteenth time that day and hurled into the toilet bowl._ And the hits just keep on comin' _she thought to herself as she flushed the toilet. She rinsed her mouth and took a sip of the mouthwash she left in her bag at all times. She gargled and spit it out. She sat on the closed toilet and regained her composure. "You like giving your mom the run around hey little one" she said and smiled with her hand on her belly. She was starting to show ever so slightly. Her breasts were super sensitive and felt the size of melons!_ I'm sure Tegan will just looooove this, _she thought and smiled.

Tegan became aware of the dryness in her throat, it hurt... Her body felt exhausted and sore but she had a feeling she should be glad to be alive. She opened her eyes, slowly letting the light in. She felt confused at first but when she saw the shiny red heart balloon she remembered waking up earlier. Kate removed the oxygen mask and replaced it with a nasal cannula to allow Tegan to try and communicate. "Hey baby..." Whispered Lindsey "hey sexy" smiled Tegan weakly. "Awake for 10 seconds and she's already busy with sex talk" piped Sara. Tegan laughed but as soon as she did she felt pain "oouucccch" she breathed softly. "Shit! Sorry Tegan... Sorry!" said Sara looking panicked. "Sss okay Sar, I'm okay" said Tegan softly, her voice sounding raspy. It was sore to speak. She squeezed Lindsey's hand. "How are you feeling my angel?" said Lindsey stroking Tegan's hair softly. "I'm okay... But I've been better..." she whispered, trying not to strain her voice. She still felt groggy and weak but forced herself to stay present. "Here's some ice chips Tee, I'm sure your throat is pretty dry and sore" said Kate. Tegan eagerly opened her mouth and closed her eyes, enjoying the cool liquid in her mouth slide down her raw throat. "What... What happened" she asked weakly after Kate opened her mouth and sprayed something soothing into her throat. Kate told her why she was in the hospital and what happened since she's been there. She diplomatically left out the two times Tegan's heart stopped and she needed to be resuscitated. "Fuuuck... That's harsh..." she mumbled. Everybody chuckled. "You can say that again" said Sara. "Fuuuck... that's harsh" repeated Tegan laughing again painfully. "Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor Miss Quin" said Kate looking at Tegan over the rims of her glasses. She smiled and looked at the monitors and back down at her notes. Tegan whimpered. "You're okay Tegan, everything's gonna be alright. I love you! You're so brave honey" said Lindsey looking into Tegan's sunken eyes. Eyes that held so much love. Those deep brown eyes where she could see her future. "We love you Tee... I love you! We're all staying right here. Just concentrate on getting better okay" said Sonia kissing her child's forehead. "I love you too.." whispered Tegan, this session had sapped the little energy she had. Everybody in the room spoke a few words to Tegan and she squeezed their hands one by one. "Time to get some rest buddy. You'll feel better tomorrow, just take it one day at a time" said Kate holding her hand in both of hers. Tegan felt her eyelids get heavier but forced them open again "Hey... Dr Morgan... Thank you" she breathed heavily. Kate smiled "You got it Teebag... And since when do you call me Doctor?". "You... deserve it" smiled Tegan weakly and closed her eyes.

Sara sat in the waiting room with her Macbook air on her lap ready to send another website and social media update. The first truly honest one in days. "I am so happy to let you know that Tegan's condition has improved a lot over the last few days. She was taken off the ventilator and she is stable. She was awake and alert a few times today and she is in good spirits even though she is still in a lot of pain. She is communicating with us and she is firmly on the road to a full recovery. Thank you to the incredible, passionate and talented medical team who are all so dedicated to Tegan's recovery. We would like to thank you all again for your amazing messages of love and support. We read them to Tegan every day. We are all so touched by your generosity and love. We would like to request that the media respect Tegan's privacy as well as her family and friends' as we go through this challenging time. Love and light! Xxx Sara" The phone next to her rang and caused her to jump. "Hey Em" she said and smiled. "Yeah, I'm so excited to see you too... Counting the minutes. Tegan's doing so well, joking around already... I feel it would be okay to get out of here for a while tomorrow."

The blonde hacker girl yanked her earphones off and stared at an unshaven Jake laying on the couch watching some reality show. She hacked Sara's phone and email pretty easily about a week ago. She breathed fast "Tomorrow... She's leaving the hospital tomorrow"

_A/N: Just one chapter tonight. I'm going away for the weekend so I probably won't have time to update. But check back soon or follow the story. Some exciting chapters to follow. Please send me your thoughts, review or PM! _


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Tom, Tegan and Sara's manager strolled over and gave Sara a big hug. "I'm so happy Sar! You must be so relieved?" he said. "I am, feels like a huge weight has been lifted now that she's off the vent. The docs says she still has a long and difficult road ahead of her before she's 100% again but she's getting there!" said Sara with a huge smile. "So, you know how we offered full refunds to the people who had tickets for that fateful show? Well, something interesting has happened... Something pretty incredible." said Tom. "What do you mean?" asked Sara perplexed. "Some fans started a campaign on social media urging people not to take the refunds. They basically said that what happened was out of your control and that it was amazing that Tegan tried to do the show when she was clearly very sick. How it showed dedication and respect for the fans. They also said that Tegan's going to have some massive medical bills so they want you guys to have the money." said Tom. Sara looked at him speechless. "You guys have insurance against show cancellation and refunds due to illness though, and you have great medical insurance of course, but how amazing are these people... Only 5 people took up the offer for a refund." Sara felt tears well up in her eyes. "But... But... I can't believe it... That's one of the most touching things fans have ever done for us... It's amazing. I'm blown away... When Tee's all better we're doing another show... Something really, really special, and these people are all getting free tickets. We'll have some extra money from the insurance payout. Keep their details!" said Sara. "Will do... Sara, I don't want to be a party pooper, but have the docs said anything about when, or if Tegan's vocal chords and lungs will be okay to sing again?" asked Tom. Sara felt as if somebody poured a bucket of ice water over her head. She had never thought about the fact that Tegan may have permanent damage. "Don't be ridiculous, she'll be fine... Why won't she be? Kate would've mentioned something... They said 'before she's 100% again' so obviously a complete and full recovery is the goal here" said Sara suddenly looking pale. She would be gutted if this was to be the end of their career but it didn't matter. As long as Tegan was alive and well. "Okay... I hear ya but perhaps you should have this conversation with the medical team" said Tom. Sara nodded and stared out in front of her, _why did he have to go ruin a perfect day..._

Tegan was asleep for the entire afternoon. It was early evening and Lindsey was sitting next to her bed watching her chest move up and down rhythmically. Lindsey couldn't stop staring, every breath felt like a gift. Every beep from the monitor told her Tegan was still with her, that she was okay. The support team decided to give Lindsey some alone time with Tegan. Tegan opened her eyes groggily and smiled under her oxygen mask when she saw her lovely Lindsey. "Hi sweetie, how are you feeling my love?" asked Lindsey moving the oxygen mask off Tegan's face. "Hey baby... I'm... good... I think... Better" said Tegan, her throat still hurt a lot when she spoke and she felt very weak but she truly felt a hundred times better already. Lindsey smiled at her and kissed her hand softly. "They say you'll feel better every day, just hang in there alright!" said Lindsey. "Am I... contagious?" asked Tegan sounding hoarse. "No, you're definitely not contagious Tee" answered Lindsey smiling. "Then... get over here... and kiss me already" smiled Tegan weakly. Lindsey leaned over with a naughty smile and whispered "you have no idea how I've missed you". Her lips touched Tegan's warm, soft lips. She could feel the familiar spark causing butterflies in her stomach. Her tongue circled and then parted Tegan's lips slightly.

"I love you so much Lindsey... You're my everything" whispered Tegan after one of the most intimate and lovely kisses of her life! "I love you too Tegan... I was so scared..." Lindsey started crying. "Hey, hey... Shhhh, I'm okay... I'm going to be just fine... I promise... I'm not... going anywhere" said Tegan touching Lindsey's face, she was happy that Lindsey picked up her hand and held it to her face because she knew she didn't have the strength to do it herself and she didn't want to scare Lindsey any more than she already has, she wanted to comfort her. She looked at her amazing, beautiful partner, holding her hand to her face. She looked so tired but there was something about her. She was glowing.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"Tegan... I have something to tell you" said Lindsey looking serious. The smile slowly disappeared from Tegan's face. "No, no... It's good news sweetie!" said Lindsey smiling. "Oh..." is all that Tegan could utter. "You're never gonna guess it so let me just tell you..." said Lindsey nervously and put her hand on Tegan's cheek. "You're gonna be a mommy Tee... I'm pregnant". As Tegan heard the words she's been longing to hear for so long she started to feel dizzy. The rush of adrenaline caused her heart to speed up significantly. Lindsey looked up at the heart monitor in a panic. "Hey relax baby, just breath for me... Take it easy Tee" Kate came rushing into the room "Well, I'm guessing you told her" she whispered at Lindsey. Lindsey nodded and continue to stroke Tegan's cheek. "Nice deep breaths Tee" said Kate holding the oxygen mask over her face again. She started fiddling with an IV. Tegan's heart rate slowly went down to a high but normal rate. Kate pulled her stethoscope from her neck and listened to Tegan's heart and lungs."There we go... Easy does it... I'll give you guys a minute" said Kate leaving the room.

"Did... Did you say?... I dunno... These drugs... make me.." mumbled Tegan looking confused. "It's not the drugs Tee, you heard right, we're having a baby... I went to see Dr Montgomery while you were... sleeping... I'm 7 weeks pregnant" smiled Lindsey and squeezed Tegan's hand. Tegan felt warm tears rolling over her cheeks. All her pain was suddenly replaced with the most joy she's ever felt. "Oh my god... Are you... okay? Is everything okay?" asked Tegan through her tears of joy. "Well, I'm puking my lungs out every morning but I'm fine. I'm seeing the doc again tomorrow for a checkup" said Lindsey. "Ahhh baby... I'm going with you" said Tegan as forcefully as she could. "Sweetie, I don't think they're going to allow you out of CCU but..." Lindsey got cut off by Tegan "I'm going with you". Lindsey looked up at at Tegan's heart monitor that was going ballistic again. "Okay...shhhh... Relax Tegan... Calm down... I'll try and make it happen... Shhh... Just breathe" Tegan's monitor was still beeping very fast. "Hey, give me your hand" said Lindsey. She pulled up her shirt and took Tegan's hand. She slid it down under her loose pants, onto her belly. "Meet our baby Tegan". Tegan felt her heart rate slow down as she felt Lindsey's soft skin under her hand. "This... This is... The best day of my life" she panted. "Mine too my angel" said Lindsey and kissed Tegan's forehead multiple times. She took Tegan's face in both her hands "I love you mommy Tee" she whispered looking into Tegan's eyes. "I... am so... in love with you Linds... I never want to... be without you" said Tegan out of breath. "I love you... Marry me Lindsey..."

_A/N: a short, but sweet chapter. Review please!_


	32. Chapter 32

_A/N: Hi guys. What's up with the drop in reviews / PMs for the last two chapters? :( Didn't you like it or were you stunned to silence with Tegan's proposal? I know, I know, they were very soppy but I like soppy. Thanks to everyone who did review, appreciated very much as always. Please, please review, love getting feedback! (Anonymous guest reviews also open btw)_

**Chapter 32**

Lindsey felt her cheeks flush as she tried to comprehend what Tegan just asked her. "Yes Tegan, of course I'll marry you... I love you" said Lindsey through her tears. "I... I thought you didn't want... I ... are you sure it's not just the drugs talking baby?" asked Lindsey looking suspicious. Tegan had always said she wasn't interested in marriage. "Yes... I'm sure... I want the ... world to know... we're committed to each other... Forever..." said Tegan winded. "and I want to do this... for our baby... I know... I know marriage... isn't the be all and ... end all of commitment... but I want to do this... I want to marry... the love of my life..." said Tegan smiling weakly. She felt the tiredness creep back, she felt her breathing become more laboured. "I would love nothing more than to marry you my angel" said Lindsey and kissed Tegan on the lips. "Tegan... I hope you don't mind but... I'm really sorry but... I told Sonia, Sara and Erin about the pregnancy... I just couldn't go through it alone... and.." Lindsey trailed off. "Of course sweetie... hey... hey Linds... look at me..." whispered Tegan. "Don't cry... It's okay... I understand" she whispered again. Lindsey smiled and wiped her tears. They heard a soft knock on the door. Sara, Sonia and Erin peeped around the door. "Are we interrupting?" asked Sara. "No... no.. come in" smiled Lindsey. "How are you feeling rock star" said Erin as she came closer. "Heeey friendo ... I'm better... I... I'm having... the best day... ever" smiled Tegan. "Whoa, really?" said Sara looking puzzled. "I... just heard that I'm going to be a mom and..." Tegan got cut off by cheers and whoops. "You go Tegan! This is so weird. I can't wait to be an aunt. Look at what I got the little monster at the gift shop" rambled Sara walking over to the couch to pick something up. "Don't... call my kid... a monster..." laughed Tegan weakly. "You're such a walkover I'm sure the kid's going to be naughty as fuck..." said Sara. "Hey... hey potty mouth... baby in the room" said Tegan softly, smiling pointing her finger at Lindsey's belly. "I'm so excited Tegan, congratulations honey" said Sonia kissing Tegan's hair. "Grandma Sonia... I like it..." said Tegan hoarsely. "Awesome, awesome news my friend, congratulations!" said Erin and squeezed her hand. Sara walked over with a stuffed giraffe. "You're going to need to learn how to share Tegan..." said Sara handing Tegan the toy. Tegan smiled and put hear arm around it weakly. "Share, Tegan! Oh ok I guess you can hang onto it for another few months but then you're going to have to let it go okay" laughed Sara. Tegan smiled faintly but she was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by all the commotion around her. Kate looked slightly concerned looking up at the monitors and down to Tegan who looked as if she was about to pass out. "Five more minutes guys... I mean it"

"Guys... we..." mumbled an exhausted Tegan. "We're engaged..." Sara stared at Tegan in disbelief, knowing how Tegan felt about marriage. Everybody took turns to congratulate the happy couple. Sara was last to get to Tegan. "Congratulations... are you sure about this?" she asked smiling. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life" smiled Tegan weakly. "Okay everyone, Tegan's had a very eventful and exhausting day so we need to let her get some rest now please" said Kate. Tegan felt so drained but so incredibly happy and loved. "Sar..." said Tegan. "Right here Tee" said Sara taking Tegan's hand. "Take care of... my girl... mmmm... baby... for me please... Make sure... sure... she... gets... some rest... and... eats " Tegan's eyes started drooping and her speech slurred, her mouth not co-operating so well any more. She sounded weaker with every word. "You got it Tegan... I've got your back" said Sara suddenly feeling teary again. Kate upped Tegan's drugs and put the oxygen mask back on her face. "There we go buddy, sleepy time" she said. Tegan felt woozy almost immediately. "Love... you guys..." she mumbled before slipping into sweet sleep.

Dawn was breaking outside. The blonde hacker girl walked out onto the porch with a cup of coffee. Jake was smoking a cigarette. "I think today's the day... You ready Susan" he asked. Susan nodded looking pale. "Jake, you're not gonna hurt them are you?" she asked. "I'll try not to... I can't promise I won't hurt them in the process Suze – you know that" he said. "Okay but please, try.. they haven't done anything to you... please try... no blood okay" she turned and went back into the apartment. "Didn't do anything to me? Yeah right... they did plenty... Fucking dyke bitches!" he breathed through gritted teeth, hate showed on his face...

"Lindsey, there is NO WAY Tegan is leaving the CCU today... not even for few minutes okay. I'm not willing to take any chances. She had a rough night last night as it is..." said Kate sternly. Tegan was obviously quite over stimulated the previous day and she had a few nightmares that kept the medical team quite busy running in and out of her room to check her vitals every time her heart rate went up. "Kate please, there has to be a way for Tegan so come with me... Please.. she really wants to... I think it could only do her good" pleaded Lindsey. Kate sighed, "I'll see what I can do... but I'm not promising anything"


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Sara was sitting on the side of Tegan's bed talking to her twin after breakfast. The support team decided that it was a good idea to give Tegan a bit of alone time with everyone as she seemed to get overwhelmed quite easily at the moment. Tegan was given some protein milk that tasted like card board and made her queasy but she managed to keep it down ok. She felt a bit better than the previous day. Nurse Abbey came in to check on her "I'd kill for a cup of tea..." whispered Tegan. Sara knew that tea always made Tegan feel better, it was one of Tegan's favorite things in the world. "I'm sure I can hook you up" she smiled. She asked the nurse if Tegan could have some. "Dude, what happened... to your hand" asked Tegan. "Nothing Tee..." said Sara blushing. "Doesn't look... like nothing" said Tegan cocking her head. "I... got angry and frustrated and I punched a wall and broke my hand okay. It's not a big deal. They say there won't be permanent damage. Tegan's eyes went wide. "You what... Sar... why?" Sara didn't answer, she didn't need to. Tegan knew all about Sara's anger issues. Tegan just looked at her twin for a while. Sara was staring out of the window uncomfortably, she thought about Tegan's singing future but didn't say a word. "Sar... thank you" whispered Tegan, her throat still hurt when she tried to speak and she became out of breath very easily, she coughed weakly... "For having my back... for being here... I... love you sis... you okay Sar?" asked Tegan. "Love you too... I'm good if you're okay Tee. I... I hate seeing you hurting... It kills me... I'm very proud of you... you're very brave" said Sara sounding slightly embarrassed. Tegan and Sara loved each other so much. They both knew they were loved and appreciated but they hardly ever showed or told each other just how much they were loved. It was a flaw in their relationship And they both knew it. The nurse came in with a cup of tea to break Sara's awkward silence. Sara put a straw in the cup and held it to Tegan's mouth. Tegan sipped it slowly and felt it soothe her raw throat and sensitive stomach. "Hey Tegan want some cool news?" asked Sara. "No..." joked Tegan. "Yes, of course". Sara pursed her lips and started talking. "Ummm, where do I start..." said Sara looking down. "Whaaat?" urged Tegan. "Emy... umm, Emy is..." said Sara uncomfortably. "How is Emy? I miss her..." smiled Tegan in between tea sips. "Oh good because you're seeing her later today" said Sara. Tegan looked confused and coughed out some tea. "Tegan, Emy and I are... we're back together... and I know you're gonna tell me this is a bad idea but just hear me out" said Sara quickly. "Why would I tell you it's a bad idea? You know I love Emy... I've always wanted you two... to make it work... but at some stage... I gave up... But, It's great... you two... were made for each other" said Tegan weakly. Sara burst out in tears. "Thank you Tee, you know... how much your approval means to me... I just thought that you wouldn't think it's a good idea if we..." Sara trailed off. "I just... I don't... want to see you... get hurt Sara... don't hurt each other"

Tegan was asleep for most of the morning after going for some scans and x-rays and having a nurse take enough blood for tests to make Lindsey feel nauseous. She heard a bit of movement in her room and opened her eyes. Sonia was sitting next to her and she squeezed her hand. Staff was wheeling some equipment and an examination table into her room. Tegan's brow furrowed. Kate came walking in, turned to Tegan and shook her head "the hoops we'll jump through for you Quin!" She removed the oxygen mask and replaced it with a nasal cannula.

Lindsey came walking in with Dr Montgomery. "Hi Tegan. It's good to see you awake. You feeling a bit better?" asked Adison. "Yeah, a lot better... thanks" said Tegan. "Well firstly, congratulations! You must be so excited" said Adison. "Super excited" smiled Tegan weakly. "If Tegan can't come to the mountain we'll bring the mountain to Tegan" winked Dr Montgomery. "We've got all our equipment here to do Lindsey's ultrasound. We're done with the blood tests already. "We'll give you a minute to change Linds." said Adison. Sonia got up to leave "Mom... don't go..." said Tegan. "Munchkin, as much as I would love to stay, some things you need to experience first time without your mommy" she smiled and left. Tegan started to feel nervous. She watched Lindsey turn around and get changed into a gown. She followed the curve of her spine with her eyes. _So gorgeous_. Tegan's heart monitor sped up.

"Hey Emy, are you on the way to the airport yet?... Give me a ring when you know if your flight's on time... Yeah, a little better every day... Lindsey's having an ultrasound now... hold thumbs. Can't wait to see you... soooooon... I love you too Em, so much" Sara pressed end and smiled. _Everything is falling into place. Everything's going to be fine._

Lindsey's examination table was pushed right up to Tegan's bed. Tegan held onto Lindsey's hand as tight as she could. Kate and Adison walked in. I hope it's okay with you if Kate stays Lindsey. She needs to keep an eye on Tegan's vitals, this is not usually done in the CCU you know. "Yeah, of course, no problem... Thank you for making this happen" said Lindsey nervously. "How have you been feeling lately Lindsey" asked Adison, sitting on a stool next to her bed. Kate was standing on Tegan's far side with her arms crossed watching Tegan's monitors like a hawk. "I'm alright, morning sickness was pretty bad there at some stage but it seems to be getting better, or perhaps I'm getting used to it. My breasts are super sensitive and... large" she chuckled. She felt Tegan squeeze her hand and smiled as she squeezed it back. "No dizziness, cramping?" asked Adison. "No dizziness in a while now and no cramping" reported Lindsey. Adison took Lindsey's BP and listened to her heart. "All normal... Ok let's see what we have here" smiled Adison and squeezed gel onto Lindsey's stomach. She rolled around the ultrasound probe for a few seconds. Tegan was staring at the screen but couldn't make out a thing. She started breathing faster. "Alright, there we go, I can see the amniotic sack... hang on..." she said. Tegan's heart monitor sped up again as nerves got the best of her. "Easy Tegan just breathe" urged Kate. Tegan took a deep breath, squeezed Lindsey's hand and swallowed hard. Lindsey turned her head and looked straight into Tegan's eyes. Calm washed over Tegan and she smiled. "OK, now let's see if we can pick up a heartbeat". Adison rolled the ultrasound probe over Lindsey's stomach. She had a concerned expression on her face and she kept quiet for a few seconds. "Juuuust give it a second, where are you little one?" she mumbled to herself. Tegan's heart started racing again. Kate had turned off the sound to Tegan's monitor but kept a close eye on it. Her elevated pulse was expected in this kind of situation but Kate didn't like it one bit. Tegan squeezed harder and took another deep breath. "There it is..." smiled Adison. Tears spilled from Tegan's eyes as she watched the monitor showing a heartbeat of 100 per minute. She had never seen a more beautiful thing"

"Mmmm" said Adison cocking her head to the side. "What have we here, another amniotic sack". Lindsey closed her eyes and held Tegan's hand to her chest. "Come on number two, show us your heartbeat" said Adison. She pressed her fingers into Lindsey's belly. Come on... where are you" said Adison calmly but both Tegan and Lindsey were freaking out. "Tegan, breathe – deep breaths" Kate held the oxygen mask over Tegan's face again. The few seconds Adison spent searching for a second heartbeat felt like an eternity. Her frown turned to a smile "Congratulations, you're expecting fraternal twins – there's the second heartbeat. Nice and strong. Everything looks perfect guys" Tegan was a wreck and she burst out crying. "Thank you ... thank you..." Lindsey was dumbstruck. She turned her head slowly towards Tegan with wide eyes and smiled. "I love you". They watched the screen for a few minutes marveling in their little miracles. "That one looks like you" joked Tegan. "Funny Tee..." said Lindsey rolling her eyes. Tegan giggled "Twins... twins..." Lindsey smiled "Quin for the win eh!" She leaned over and kissed Tegan while Adison was removing the gel on her stomach.

Sara, Sonia and Erin was pacing up and down nervously outside as Kate appeared. "Is everything okay?" asked Sonia. "Everything's fine grams, so are both moms. I'll leave it up to them to share the details" smiled Kate. "Thanks Kate... do you have a minute?" asked Sara. Kate looked at her watch, "sure what's up?" she said. "Could we talk in private?" asked Sara. Sonia frowned but let it go. "Okay, let's go to my office" said Kate. "What's on your mind Sar?" asked Kate as they sat down in her office. "I just wanted to talk to you about... ummm... I just wanted to ask if Tegan will be okay to sing again?" said Sara looking down. "I thought that may be on your mind..." Kate sighed. "Sara, Tegan's lungs have been through hell, some patients recover fully from ARDS relatively quickly, some take very long to do so and some never regain full function..." Sara's shoulders slumped. "Tegan is strong and we have no reason to believe that she won't regain full pulmonary function, she's been impressing me so much but there's no way of telling yet. Her vocal cords should be okay but there may be some damage from the tubes. I'm planning on sending a scope down her throat tomorrow so we can have a better picture of what we're dealing with. Her lungs will need a lot of physical therapy... She's going to have to work hard but let's stay positive!" said Kate forcing a smile. "Not that it matters in the greater scheme... I'm just happy she's okay... But singing is her life you know..." said Sara. "I know Sar, I know... We're going to make sure she gets the best possible treatment... We'll get her singing soon.. Sara, don't mention this to her just yet okay" said Kate, Sara nodded and swallowed hard to stop the tears that were building.

_A/N: remember to review pretty please!_


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

"Take care of yourself Lindsey, and you too Tegan. I want to see a healthy and happy family in about 7 months okay! Kate said to tell you to get some rest Tegan! No visitors until you get some rest okay" said Adison as she left Tegan's room with all her equipment. Tegan was suddenly utterly exhausted. "You're tired... get some rest now sweetie. We'll give everyone the good news later" said Lindsey. "I want you next to me... please Linds... I... I need you next to me" said Tegan softly while moving the oxygen mask to the side of her face. She weakly patted the space on the bed next to her. She tried to move towards the side of the bed but she was still so incredibly weak. She moved a few inches but it sent her heart monitor into a frenzy again. "Tegan, relax baby. They're not going to approve of this but screw 'em" said Lindsey as she replaced the mask and took Tegan's slender shoulders and then her hips and feet and moved her to the side of the bed. She kicked her shoes off and got on the bed next to her love. She was super careful not to hurt Tegan or pull on any tubes or wires. She gently lifted a sleepy Tegan and put her arm under her neck. Tegan moved and put her head on Lindsey's chest. It felt so right... Feeling her body touch Lindsey's again. She could hear her heartbeat, slow and regular, it helped hers slow down and it made her even more sleepy. "Love you Linds..." She felt safe and loved. Her hand found its way to Lindsey's belly. She smiled a tired smile and whispered. " I can't wait to meet you my two little peanuts"

"You guys should get out of here for a while... go home... sleep in a decent bed. Have a glass of wine! Tegan's gonna be okay. You've been cooped up in this hospital for more than three weeks and you really deserve a break" said Kate to Erin, Sonia and Sara. "So do you Kate!" said Sara. "Nah, I'm okay, I'm used to this place. I'm not going anywhere" said Kate. "I don't want to leave her here alone" said Sonia. "Mom... why don't we take turns to stay" said Sara. "Mmmm I don't know.." said Sonia, hesitant to leave Tegan. "Mom... you need to get out of here too" said Sara gently. Everybody except Lindsey, Erin, Sara and Sonia have been sleeping at home for the last few days. Tegan's four pillars flat out refused to leave. "Okay, Sara... I know you would really like to get out of here tonight, so you and Erin go first and then Lindsey and I will go home tomorrow when you come back" smiled Sonia. She knew all about Emy visiting. "Emy will want to see Tegan though, I'm gonna go to Tegan and Lindsey's place, take a shower, put on something nice for a change and go fetch Emy at the airport. Erin's lending me her driver. Then we'll pop by real quick just to say hi and sleep over at Tee's place." said Sara. Erin looked tired too "I'm good with that, are you sure you don't want the first night with Sara Sonia, I don't mind?" she asked. Sonia smiled, "I'm one hundred percent sure Sara doesn't want to babysit her mom tonight" she winked at Erin.

Erin and Sara left the hospital through the basement car park to avoid a fan and media frenzy. They managed to stay hidden quite well in the back of a SUV with tinted windows. A random security guard was driving as they were worried that Charles, Erin's regular security guard would get recognized by the paps. "Bet you're super excited to see Em?" said Erin smiling. "Nervous... But excited" said Sara grinning. "I'm so happy for you Sara, you deserve every bit of happiness." said Erin. "Hmmm, let's hope I don't fuck this one up..." said Sara softly. "You won't... It means too much to you... You've lost her once and I have a feeling you're not about to let that happen again" said Erin squeezing Sara's hand. "Looks as if we don't have any tails" said the security guard. "Great, you'll come pick up Sara again at 5?" asked Erin. "Sure thing" said the security guard. Erin knew him quite well and trusted him. He wasn't her usual security guard but he often formed part of the team, he was usually the one that blended in with the crowd. Charles trusted him impeccably. They stopped in front of Tegan and Lindsey's beautiful but understated home. "I think I owe you a glass of wine E!" said Sara. "Well, Alex is in a meeting at the studio to try and clean up the mess he made by cutting his promo tour short so I guess you can twist my arm. Do you have time?" Asked Erin. "Yeah more than enough time... Come on.. One glass... Big day, we have to toast it" Sara convinced Erin. "I won't be long Stu" said Erin. "Take your time, no rush. I'll be right outside"


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Sara unlocked the front door with the key Lindsey gave her, she switched off the alarm and slowly walked in. The smell in the house reminded her of Tegan and she smiled. "I sincerely hope they have wine!" she said. "Oh yeah, they always have wine" said Erin walking over to the large and well stocked wine rack. She picked out a particularly good South African pinotage and started uncorking it as Sara was taking in her surroundings. A vase with dead and dried out flowers was standing on the large piano in the corner. One of Lindsey's cameras was on the couch. She looked at the photo gallery on the wall, evidence of well lived lives. Photos of them as kids, as young musicians just starting out, then more recent pics. Fun pics with Erin, Alex and their other friends. Their parents and grandparents. A goofy pic with Kate at halloween, Tegan dressed in hospital scrubs and Kate with a pretend axe in her head. Sara smiled and shook her head. So much love...

Sara turned around and saw Tegan's favorite guitar. It was so special to her that she didn't even take it on tour. Sara suddenly realized just how much she missed playing these last few weeks. Singing and playing guitar was like breathing to her, soulfood which she hadn't had any of recently. She picked up the guitar and started tuning it "Don't worry Gerty, your mamma will be home soon to give you lots of attention" she said using Tegan's nickname for the guitar. She started playing her version of Mr. Mister's "broken wings" as Erin put the glass of red wine down in front of her. "Baby I don't understand, Why we can't just hold on to each others hands, This time will be the last, I fear unless I make it all so clear, I need you soooo. Take these broken wings, And learn to fly again, And learn to live so free, And when we hear the voices sing, The book of love will open up, And let us in... Baby I think tonight, We can take what was wrong, And make it right, I need you so, Baby it's all I know, That you're half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole..." She smiled and put the guitar down. It was one of her all time favorite songs... this 1985 hit... She didn't know why because it was so cheesy and cheese was more Tegan's thing... She remembered her and Tegan as little kids in the back of their mom's car belting out this song with the radio at top volume.

"You need to get into the shower - you don't want to keep Em waiting right" said Erin after a 45 minute heart to heart with Sara. "Stuart's gonna drop me off at home and he'll come pick you up at 5 - he's yours for the rest of today and tomorrow... And whenever you need him okay!" said Erin. She got up and gave Sara a long hug. "Good luck Sar, it's gonna be great! Can't wait to hear the details" she winked as she made her way to the front door.

Erin closed the front door behind her, she was fishing for her cellphone in her bag. She looked up expecting to see the SUV. _Did we get our wires crossed? I thought I told him to wait for me? _She continued fishing for her phone. Suddenly a hand covered her mouth and nose and held her one hand behind her back. She struggled to breath her free hand pulling his, desperate to get out of this grip. The sweet smell of chloroform overwhelmed her quickly and everything went dark. Her body went limp. The man pulled her under her armpits to the front door which was well hidden from the street. He dialed a number on a cellphone and started speaking. "Everything is going almost as planned... Yeah yeah I took care of the guard, he's out of action. We've just had a stroke of luck... A bonus if you wish.. I've got Erin... Yes it's a good idea! Let me know when Sara gets into the shower" he hung up and started tying an unconscious Erin's hands behind her back and her feet together with multiple thick cable ties. He ripped off a piece of duct tape and put it violently over her mouth.

Susan, the blonde hacker girl was staring at the computer screen showing feeds from various hidden cameras she placed in Tegan's house a few days ago. She watched Sara go into the bathroom and get undressed. "I can't believe we're doing this..." she swallowed hard to get rid of the pang of guilt. It worked. She pressed dial...

_A/N: *Gasp* ... Reviews please!_


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Lindsey woke up with Tegan still sleeping in her arms. This was the first bit of truly peaceful sleep she's had in ages. Everything felt in sync again with Tegan in her arms albeit a broken an fragile Tegan. She lay staring at the white hospital ceiling playing with a strand of Tegan's hair. After about half an hour Tegan started to stir. Lindsey gently rubbed her back. Tegan had lost so much weight, she could feel her ribs and spine under her fingers. "Hey you... Did you have a good nap?" she asked. Tegan moved the oxygen mask away from her mouth "Hmmm, stay right here forever..." she said groggily. Kate walked in with her usual swagger and smiled "hey love birds, did you have a good cuddle?" Lindsey blushed and started getting up. "Nooo... Don't go..." said Tegan. Kate looked amused. "Ahh young love... Don't get up Linds, I just want to give Tee a once over" she said. "I thought you would kick me out of bed for sure" said Lindsey. "No, I for one am all for it but just beware of nurse Smith, she's like a boarding school principle.. Don't tell her I said that..." Laughed Kate. "You're just gonna have to lie back on the pillow for me Tegan". Lindsey helped Tegan lie back. Kate replaced the mask with a nasal cannula and started examining Tegan. She checked her pupils, felt her glands, listened to her heart and lungs, checked into her ears and looked down her throat with a light. She clicked her pen and started writing as she spoke. "You're doing great Tegan. Vitals are stable, no sign of further infection. Lungs sound good. Pulse ox looking better every day. Blood tests look okay. I just want to double check your blood pressure... Monitor says its a bit low" she reported. "When can I... Get out of here" said Tegan still sounding weak. "Not just yet buddy, you're still pretty sick okay... I'm sorry but you're going to be with us for a while still. We want to make sure you're ready..." Kate got cut of by Tegan "but I'm okay... I'm good" she huffed. "Tegan... How do I... Tee, you're not even strong enough to sit up yet... you're still in the Critical Care unit... As you've surely noticed you've still got a lot of machines and IVs attached to you... We'll try and move you to ICU soon... Then high care... Then a normal room and then home... But just hang on, you'll get there. Just take it easy and give it time" Tegan sighed and rolled her eyes "That sounds like a lot of time...this sucks..." she mumbled. Kate wrapped the BP cuff around Tegan's upper right arm and tried to change the subject. "Every time I take your BP I sing this song in my head" she said pointing at the Bruce Springsteen lyrics on Tegan's upper arms. Tegan smiled "Maybe... you can sing it with me... on stage one day" Kate was a brilliant musician in addition to being a doctor, Tegan always said she should quit her job and just make music. "That's a deal buddy" said Kate. "First show we do... Wherever it may be... You're singing this with me" said Tegan as the cuff tightened. "I promise Tee" smiled Kate. Tegan smiled. "Has Sara left to go pick up Emy?" Lindsey nodded. "Oooooh, hot date night... I really hope... they're not spending it here!" she chucked.

Sara stepped into the shower and started singing. It felt amazing... The two glasses of wine she had earlier loosened her up a bit and she could feel her shoulder spasms relaxing under the hot water. After a lengthy shower she got out, pulled a comb through her wet hair and pulled on some jeans and a shirt. She headed to the living room to look for her cellphone. She clipped her watch and started singing Living Room. "Stop and stay still" said a man's voice. Sara felt her heart jump into her throat. She froze on the spot..."

"Turn around real slow"... Sara slowly turned and saw a scruffy looking man of about 35 pointing a gun at her chest. She moved her eyes and saw Erin tied up looking petrified. Tears were rolling down her cheeks over the silver duct tape on her mouth. A blonde girl of about 25 briskly walked over to her and grabbed her hands violently, she swiftly tied them behind her back. "Please... What... What do you want... Take what you want and leave us" said Sara, fear breaking in her voice. "Okay, I'll do that since you ARE what I want..." He smiled as Sara felt horror running through her veins...

The woman wore gloves, she grabbed Lindsey's camera off the couch and started taking photos of Sara and Erin now sitting next to each other against a wall. She violently ripped the tape off Erin's face. Erin's face stung and her breathing increased. "Tell your pretty hubby we want 10 million dollars... We'll get instructions to him" said the man. Erin stared at the camera that was now obviously on video mode. She kept quiet. The man walked over and slapped her hard through the face. Erin could taste blood in her mouth. "Talk bitch" he shouted. "Erin just do what he says" pleaded Sara. The man kicked Erin hard in the stomach and she keeled over in pain, gasping for air. "No, please... Please don't... We'll do what you want" pleaded Sara. A minute later Erin was still on her side. The man grabbed her hair and pulled her into a sitting position. "Talk!" He said loudly. Erin's voice was shaky "Alex... Alex these people have us... And they want 10 million dollars... Just do what they say, pay them what they want... They said they'll send instructions." she said still winded from the kick in the gut. "Don't call the cops or they'll kill us..." said Sara looking into the camera.

_A/N: remember to review please_


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N: hope you're enjoying these new action packed chapters. Pop me a review please!_

**Chapter 37**

Alex was sitting in a studio meeting room with some serious big wigs when his phone started buzzing. He turned it around. Unknown number. He didn't answer. "Why's your dickhead husband not answering?" said the man, Erin and Sara now figured out his name was Jake. "He's in an important meeting... He's not going to answer unless he knows it's me or the hospital" said Erin looking down. Jake grabbed Erin's phone out of her bag and started searching for Alex's number. He pressed dial with a gloved hand. Alex answered on the first ring. "Erin... Hang on... Excuse me for a minute guys... I'm sorry... E, Everything okay?" He asked softly as he walked out of the meeting room. "Erin? Are you there?" He asked. "No she's not... We've got your wifey and we've got Sara... Get over to Tegan's house... Do not call the cops... Check the content on the camera. Remember first sign of cops and they're dead" said Jake and hung up. Alex felt adrenaline rush through his veins as he sprinted out of the building. He jumped into his Audi and called Charles their security manager on his bluetooth car kit as he drove off. "Charles, it's Erin and Sara... Call Stu... They've been taken... I don't know... I don't know... Meet me at Tegan's house... Get Stu on the line and call me back. No cops!" he screamed. Tyres screeched as he sped down the street in a panic. He dialed Erin's number numerous times, then Sara's... Both went to voicemail immediately. Alex ran a couple of reds, cars were slamming on breaks and hooting. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. "Fuck!" He yelled.

Jake and Susan each grabbed a girl and hastily led them to a van outside. Sara's injured hand screamed in pain from being in the awkward position behind her back. Erin limped. Both got shoved into the van violently. Susan got into the back with them as Jake drove off. Sara and Erin were both completely petrified and shaking with fear. Susan put a chloroform cloth over Erin's mouth. She struggled to get out of her grip. Sara kicked the blonde as hard as she could as she saw Erin's body go limp. "You little bitch" breathed Susan through her teeth. Sara kicked and screamed some more trying to escape her hold. "Shut them up!" shouted Jake annoyed. Susan had the cloth over Sara's mouth. Sara felt her muscles grow useless as darkness consumed her.

Alex screeched to a halt in front of the house and ran towards the front door that was still open "Erin! Sara!" He yelled panicked. Charles came running in behind him panting. "Where... Camera... Fuck! This isn't happening! Where's Stu" screamed Alex. "I can't get hold of him... Cell's off, can't trace him... Can't pick up a signal on the SUVs tracking device either." Alex felt his heart racing. Sweat beads formed on his forehead and he was breathing fast. He saw Erin and Sara's cellphones lying next to a camera on the dining room table. His hands were shaking as he grabbed the camera, switched it on and pressed play. Tears were streaming down his face as he looked at the photos of his wife and friend tied up. He flinched as he saw a man slap his wife and kick her in the stomach. Only his back was visible. He listened to message, all color drained from his face. "I'll fucking kill him!" he screamed.

Emy has been standing in the arrivals hall of LAX for the last hour looking for Sara. Her eyes scanned the room once more, her shoulders slumped as she sat down. She felt a pang of hurt in her chest. She held her phone to her ear. "Hi, it's Sara, leave me a message... Or don't" she heard Sara's familiar voice message. _Something's wrong... Does she have the time wrong... Why's her phone off? Did something happen to Tegan?... Oh Sara... Why did I think this time was different... I knew it... Every chance she gets she runs... _Emy shook her head, her throat felt thick with emotion and she hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks. Emy's mind was telling her to get on the next flight back to New York... _This is it, the last straw. Close the door. _But her heart protested, her heart told her to fight for Sara. Fight for the love of her life. She sat debating with herself for another fifteen minutes before calling another number. "Sonia! Hi, it's Emy... Good thanks... Do you perhaps know where Sara is?... Yeah, that was the plan but she's not here and her phone is off... I don't know either... It must be a misunderstanding... I'm getting a cab to the hospital... Okay, if you speak to her ask her to call me! I'll see you soon." Nervous energy was running through Emy as she stared out of the cab window. "Where are you Sar? Where are you?" she whispered.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Sonia tried a few times to phone Sara with no luck. She tried Erin's number. _This is weird... they won't switch off their phones, not with Tegan in the hospital._ She shook her head trying to make sense. She dialed Alex's number. It rang a few times before she heard his voice. "Sonia.." he said. His voice sounded strange. "Alex are you with Erin? I've been trying to reach Sara and her phone's off? So is Erin's. Sara never showed up at the airport" she said. "Sonia... I'll be at the hospital in a few minutes. I'm sorry I can't talk right now... I'll see you soon" said Alex before hanging up. Tegan was taken for her daily x-rays and scans as Lindsey walked into the waiting area and saw Sonia looking perplexed. "What's up Sonia?" she asked. "Sara and Erin are both not answering their phones and Sara never showed up at the airport?" said Sonia. "And then Alex just kinda cut me off... I dunno, something's wrong" said Sonia, anxiety rising in her voice. "I'm sure there's an explanation for all this Sonia? They've both been on their phones a lot. Maybe they ran out of battery, or got a flat or something?" said Lindsey. "Yeah? Why didn't she use the driver's phone?" asked Sonia. Her instinct steering her in the right direction. "um... well does the driver have Emy's number?" asked Lindsey. "Something's not right Lindsey" said Sonia scared. Lindsey swallowed hard...

Sara woke up and took in her surroundings. She was in an empty room in what looked like an old warehouse? Erin was lying on her side a few feet away from her, still out cold. She maneuvered her way over to Erin with great difficulty as her feet were tied together. "Erin, E wake up" she said not too loudly. She didn't want to let their capturers know they she was awake. "Erin!" she said again and gently nudged her with her feet. Erin started to stir. She looked around panicked. "Sara! What the fuck! What's happening, who are these people!" she whispered. "I don't know... listen don't worry! Alex is going to do what they tell him and we'll be out of here" she said. Erin breathed fast and sat up. "Sara... I've played a cop enough times to know that kidnappers don't just let their hostages go... not when they've seen their faces. We need to get out of here... we... we need to get..." Erin cut her sentence short as she heard a key in the lock. "Pretend you're still out" she whispered and fell back down. The door opened, the man walked in and stood in front of them and looked down. "Nice try sweetheart, this is not where I left you" he said as he kicked Sara hard in the ribs. Sara could feel bone snapping and she gasped. She curled in pain. The man took his boot and stepped on Erin's injured knee making her cry out. "Don't fuck with me bitches"

Emy was led into the waiting area by one of the security guards stationed outside. "Sonia, it's so good to see you!" she said and hugged her tight and then hugged Lindsey. "Is Tegan okay? Any sign of Sara?" she asked. "Tegan's fine Emy, I haven't heard from Sara... or Erin" said Sonia looking worried. "This is strange, I haven't seen Sara this excited and happy about anything in ages... why wasn't she at the airport?" said Sonia. Her fear was growing. "Maybe she's at Tegan's house, maybe I was suppose to me her there..." said Emy. With that Alex walked in looking horrified, Kate jogged in after him "Alex, what's going on with you... Al?" she said. Charles followed Kate. "Hi Emy..." he said and briefly hugged her. "Sit down... really, sit down... Erin and Sara... they... oh my God how do I say this..." he breathed heavily. "What is it Alex?" asked Emy sounding panicked. "Erin and Sara's been kidnapped..." Emy felt as if a sledge hammer hit her in the chest. She had her hands in her hair. "No, no this can't be happening". Sonia was in shock and she stared in front of her trying to make sense of what Alex just said. She jumped up and walked to the door only to be stopped by Lindsey. "how... who would do this... where are they... we need to find them"

Alex told Emy, Sonia, Kate and Lindsey everything that happened during the two hours. The phone call, the camera, the abandoned cellphones, the photos, the message. How they searched for Stuart but couldn't find him. Sonia and Emy were both sobbing hysterically. Lindsey and Kate looked utterly shocked but tried to comfort the two distressed women. "What are we going to do? We can't phone the cops... what..." said Sonia through her sobs looking pale. "We have to wait for their next message... The money's not a problem, I'll pay immediately and ... " Alex got cut off by Charles. "If we pay the money they're dead... they won't have a reason to keep them alive" he said. Alex lost his cool and grabbed Charles by the collar and shoved him into the wall. "Don't say that! This is your fault... you're security! I trusted you to keep them safe!" he yelled. Charles had his arms in the air. "Alex, calm down, fighting will not help us now. Let's just focus on getting them back alive" he said. Alex let go of his collar and turned around to compose himself. "I'll get a team together. We'll stay under the radar, we'll find them" said Charles. "They said no cops" said Alex with his hands in his sides looking down. "We're not cops... trust me Alex, they're not going to kill them without getting their cash. Wait for the call" he said sternly. "Not a word of this to Tegan... not a single word!" said Kate loudly. "She won't be able to handle this kind of shock. Not a word!"

Lindsey walked into Tegan's room trying to be brave. Tegan opened her eyes. "Hey... where have you been? I missed you" she whispered weakly. Lindsey bit her lip trying to compose herself as she pretended to wash her hands. Tegan knew Lindsey inside out and she immediately picked up that something was off. "What's up sweetie, you seem upset?" she asked. "I... I just wish we were home in our own bed tonight" lied Lindsey. "I don't like seeing you sick" she sighed. "I'll be... out of here.. soon babe" smiled Tegan. "I'm okay" she whispered. Lindsey took Tegan's hand and held it to her cheek. "I love you Tee" she said. Horror filled her mind as she imagined what Sara and Erin must be going through... how she would feel if somebody took Tegan from her... Tears rolled down her face. "Shhh baby, I'm right here" whispered Tegan. Kate walked into the room looking tired and pale. The feeling that something was wrong crept back into Tegan's body. Her breathing sped up, so did her heart monitor. "What's going on guys?" she asked sounding scared. "Nothing Tegan, everything's fine" said Kate as she pushed a needle into one of Tegan's IVs and pressed the plunger of the syringe. "Get some rest Tegan..." she heard Kate say before a deep sleep overcame her.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Sara's ribs screamed in pain as she opened her eyes and looked Jake in the eye. "You two stay quiet and don't try anything" he said as he left the room. Sara heard the key turn in the lock. "You okay?" whispered Erin. "Yeah, I think he... He broke some ribs but I'm okay... You?" Sara whispered back. "I'm okay" said Erin. They both stayed quiet for a minute. "What are we gonna do E?" asked Sara. "I don't know... We have to try and get out of here. We need to try and find something to break these restraints" said Erin now sitting up. She looked around the dark room. It was completely empty. Just four walls. Erin worked her way over to a wall, still in obvious pain. She started frantically rubbing the plastic cable ties against the wall. Sara slowly made her way to the wall next to Erin and also started rubbing hoping her cast will add more friction. It was incredibly difficult with her hands tied behind her back and it felt as if someone was stabbing her in the chest felt every time she picked up her hands. They continued the exercise for about an hour. Sara did so slowly and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She refused to stop even though Erin told her to multiple times. "Am I getting anywhere?" panted Erin. Sara looked at the restraints Behind Erin's back, her arms were bleeding. "No... Not really... Stop Erin... You're bleeding" she whispered dejected.

Alex haven't heard anything from the kidnappers the entire night and was becoming more and more frantic. The security team checked every bit of camera footage they had and examined everything in Tegan's house carefully. They knew what they were doing but so far they came up empty handed. Everybody on the team were ex cops or marines. Alex had been in contact with Sonia and the rest of the guys at the hospital every thirty minutes. Dawn was breaking outside. Charles walked into Alex and Erin's beautiful living room looking shocked, he stopped in front of Alex. "Stuart... They found Stuart's body... Stuart's dead" he said softly. Alex had his head in his hands. "No... No! Those fuckers!" The phone started ringing...

Emy and Sonia were sitting in the family room. Neither had slept. They decided not to let anybody else know about the situation. Not even Stephen, Bruce, Jeremy or Ted. Both looked sick with worry. "Who would do this... Why did they do this!" said Sonia and started sobbing again. Emy rubbed her back Trying to comfort Sonia even though she had never felt more scared herself. Arizona entered and sat down next to Sonia. "Sonia, Shhhhh, I'm gonna give you something to make you sleep okay" she said. Sonia tried to protest but her words grew weaker as she felt the needle prick her upper arm. "No... I need to be awake... No... Sara!... Sar..." she flopped into Arizon's arms. Emy jumped up "you stay away from me with that! I'm okay... Please... I need to be awake" she said holding out her palm.

"Are you ready with the cash pretty boy" said the voice. "Yes, what do you want me to do? Are Erin and Sara okay? Let me talk to them!" said an emotional Alex. "They're fine" snapped the voice. "I want proof! Let me talk to them!" screamed Alex. No reply. He looked at the screen of his phone. Call ended... "Shit! I fucked up! Shit!" He screamed, his hands were shaking. Alex was losing it! A minute later the phone started ringing again. "Alex... " he heard his wife's shaky voice. "Erin, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" he asked. "We... We're okay..." said Erin sounding weak. "We're gonna get you home safe baby... Hang in there... I love you" said Alex. The man's voice came on again. "I know you have people trying to find us... You won't... I want you at the hospital at all times. Sift through the latest batch of Tegan's fan mail... There's a black envelope with banking details. I'll call again later" The phone went dead.

Sara and Erin were both tied to chairs in another room now. Jake figured out what they were up to trying to break their restraints. They both received a few more violent kicks. "You better hope your shithead husband pays up" he said. "He will... Or... I can do it... I can do it right now on the internet... Please let me pay you... Please let us go..." pleaded Erin. "And risk the cops tracing the location... Nice try" he said. "You can be out of here before they even leave the station... Please... He won't have the cops involved anyway..." whispered Erin. "Let her pay you..." said Sara through gritted teeth, her pain was increasing by the minute. "If you give me 2 hours to build in some security they won't track us... It's a good option Jake, we didn't think we'll have her here too... This is an easy way out" said Susan. "How sure are you?" he asked. "Very!" she said confidently.

Time passed as Susan worked on her computer. "Why... Why are you doing this?" asked Sara bravely. "Well fuck sweetheart, you're not very bright are you? ... Money! You're superstar friends are loaded" he said looking away. Sara had a feeling that this wasn't the whole story. "So are many other people... Why us?" said Sara. She knew it was a mistake as he turned around with rage in his eyes. He punched Sara hard in the face. Sara felt the punch hit her and blacked out. Blood was running down her nose and dripping onto her white shirt. "No! Please, please don't hurt her! Sara!" screamed Erin and felt an incredibly hard slap sting her face. "If it wasn't for the fact that I need you conscious I would kick the shit out of you now." Sara woke up in pain and lifted her head. Blood seemed to still be streaming out of her nose. "She needs help... Please untie her... Please she needs to stop the bleeding..." pleaded Erin. "Can you shut up... I'm trying to concentrate... Untie her and get her to the bathroom to stop the bleeding" screamed Susan. Jake did as told and led Sara to the bathroom. She poured water on her face with shaky hands and plugged her nose with toilet paper. It bled through pretty fast and she tried again. She looked around the bathroom to find something to hurt him with... There was nothing.

Tegan woke up and smiled as she saw Lindsey's head on her arms resting on her bed. The touched her hair softly and Lindsey jumped up. "S... Sorry baby I... Didn't mean to ... scare you" said Tegan weakly. Her heart monitor sped up. Lindsey breathed deeply. "It's okay Tegan you didn't scare me... I must've had a nightmare" she said taking Tegan's hand. "It's okay Linds... I'm here" said Tegan sounding brave. They stayed quiet for a minute. "I wonder... how Sara's big night went" smiled Tegan. Blood seemed to drain from Lindsey's face, she tried to smile but she was a horrible actress. "Lindsey... What's going on... Talk to me" said Tegan softly. "Nothing Tegan, everything's fine. I'm sure we'll hear all about it soon" she kissed Tegan's hand softly. She felt a sudden cramp below her navel. She breathed deep to try and stop it... Another one... "Baby... Lindsey... are you okay?" said Tegan. Lindsey nodded but was unable to utter a word, she was in so much pain. Tegan's heart monitor picked up speed, so did her breathing. "Linds..." she said out of of breath. Kate came rushing in with Karev. "Pulse is up to 120, resps at 25, BPs falling... 80 over 50.. Pulse ox down..." said Kate loudly while putting the oxygen mask on Tegan. _What's going on... Lindsey... Where... What... _Tegan's mind was racing "Let's sedate her... Now!" screamed Kate. "Lindsey... Linds..." whispered Tegan as she felt darkness creep back. "Is she... Is she okay..." said Lindsey in pain. "She's fine Lindsey, what happened?" asked Kate listening to Tegan's chest. Lindsey just got up and walked to the toilet clutching her stomach. She walked into a stall, sweat beads were forming on her forehead. She pulled down her pants and sat down. What she saw horrified her... Tears streamed out of her eyes._ No... Please... No! _There was blood on her panties. She heard Emy knock on the door. "Lindsey, are you okay... Lindsey" she said sounding panicked. "I... I need a doctor... Call Dr Montgomery"

_A/N: More drama! Will Sara and Erin escape? Are the babies in danger? I'll try and update again tomorrow. Review please._


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N: Thanks for the PMs and review guys. I know these chapters are difficult to read but stick with me. We'll have a conclusion soon. Send review please. I want to know what you're thinking. _

**Chapter 40**

Kate came rushing into the ladies room with Adison and Emy short on her heels. "Lindsey... Lindsey... what's going on? Are you okay... Linds?" Kate was frantic. "I... there's blood... please... bleeding... Kate help me... Please I can't lose these babies... It will kill Tegan..." Lindsey was sobbing hysterically. "It's okay Lindsey, we've got you..." said Adison calmly. An orderly came in and picked up Lindsey's tiny body quite easily and put her on a gurney. "Please, the babies... please let them be okay. Tegan needs these babies" whispered Lindsey through her pain. Kate was running the gurney down to the exam room as fast as she could. Adison was shouting orders as they entered. She was rattling down a list of tests as Kate put an oxygen mask on Lindsey's face. "Alright Linds... nice deep breaths for me, I know... I know it hurts... breath in... and out... and in... there we go. I need a BP please" said Kate trying to remain calm. Lindsey could feel needles pierce her arm as somebody started an IV and another took some blood for tests. Adison had the sonogram on Lindsey's belly almost immediately. "Are they... are they okay... please tell me..." Lindsey sobbed. Adison and Kate both had concerned expressions on their faces. Adison rolled around the sonogram probe. "Come on guys, where are you..." she whispered. There was a lot of commotion going on in the room. "I need you guys to shut up if I'm gonna find some heartbeats" A few seconds passed... Everybody was quiet. There they are... two heartbeats, they're a bit slow but they're there. Where's those meds?" said Adison urgently. Kate took Lindsey's face in her hands. "They're still here Linds, we're gonna take care of them. Just try and stay calm for me okay" she said. Lindsey was still sobbing... She felt her entire world being ripped from under her... Adison ordered more drugs and tests. "Lindsey, I'm gonna do an internal sonogram okay... It's gonna be a bit uncomfortable" said Adison. "I... don't care if you shove a baseball bat up me just... tell me they're okay..." panted Lindsey. A nurse removed Lindsey's pants and Adison put Lindsey's legs in stirrups and gently guided the probe up into her vagina. Kate held her hand and she squeezed it tight. Lindsey sobbed in relief when she saw a heartbeat... Then another.

Sara was tied to the chair again, she managed to control her nose bleed but a bruise was already forming on her cheekbone. She was thirsty, so thirsty... They haven't had anything to drink since they were taken the previous day. Jake slapped the back of her head when she tried to take a drink of water while she was cleaning her face. "Could we please... get a drink of water... please" she asked looking down. "No..." was Jake's only reply. Sara felt like crying but she was not going to give him the satisfaction! "Asshole" she whispered. Erin started giggling, so did Sara. Jake walked over and looked at them suspiciously. "What the fuck are you laughing at?" he screamed. He walked to Erin's side and grabbed her hair pulling hard. They couldn't stop laughing, an obvious defense mechanism kicking in. He grabbed Erin's throat and started squeezing it. Erin felt the fingers tighten around her windpipe. She couldn't move, she was tied up really well. She tried to shake her head but the hands squeezed tighter. She couldn't breathe. It hurt like nothing she's felt before and she felt the world start to slip away. Her face was blood red, eyes and mouth wide open. The veins on her temples started to show. "Stop it... please... stop! No please... Stop!" Sara was hysterical and tears were running down her cheeks. Jake started laughing like a madman "who's laughing now... huh! Who's laughing now!" he screamed. Erin felt the world fade away. _This is it... I'm dying._.. Susan got up and pushed him away from Erin. "What the fuck are you doing? Trying to kill the golden goose..." she said sounding annoyed. Erin gasped for air just before losing consciousness. Pictures and sound crept back. She coughed violently interrupted by wheezing. "Erin... are you okay? Are you okay?" asked Sara. Erin nodded her head looking down trying to compose herself and find her breath. "If you kill us they will find you... they will search the ends of the earth for you and they will find you... You can count on it... You can't just get away with killing America's darling... they will find you and fucking torture you before killing you" yelled Sara in rage! Sara's rage seemed to fuel Jake's. He cut Sara's injured hand loose and ripped off the removable cast. "Well maybe I'll just hurt you then... think you're a rockstar hey.. when all you are is a talentless fucking dyke" he screamed sadistically. "Sara... just shut up..." wheezed Erin. Jake took Sara's fingers and bent them hard towards her forearm. Sara screamed, she could feel her broken bones move. "No please, stop please" yelled Erin. He took her fingers again and bent it towards her palm. Sara heard a snap and felt bone move in her hand. She blacked out in pain.

Emy was sitting in the waiting area alone. She was sobbing. How could all of this be happening. She sobbed for Lindsey, for Tegan, for Erin but mostly she sobbed for Sara... _How can you be gone just when I found you again_... Kate walked in and sat down next to her and started rubbing her back. "It's okay Emy... Shhhhh" she whispered. "Is... Is Lindsey okay.. The baby?" She asked through her sobs. "Lindsey's okay... so are the babies... Plural" said Kate smiling. "What?... There's two?" she asked stunned. "Yeah, they haven't told anybody yet what with everything happening... They're expecting twins" said Kate. "Are you sure everything's okay" asked Emy seemingly calming down now. "We're admitting Lindsey and putting her on bed rest for a few days. She has had a LOT of stress recently and if she wants to keep these babies she needs to take it very easy... The babies were in a lot of distress. The pregnancy is in a very sensitive stage... Bad timing right... We're giving her something to sleep now and we're going to continue monitoring both mom and babies for a while but Adison is positive that she has it under control. We're also going to keep Tegan sedated for a while. She's simply not strong enough to handle everything that's happening. I'm a bit worried, Tegan's condition has deteriorated during the last 24 hours but we have it under control..." Reported Kate, she sighed knowing there was something else on Emy's mind too. "Thank you..." whispered Emy. "Em... They're gonna find them... She'll be back in no time... Just... Just keep believing"


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Alex was in the hospital conference room with Charles sifting through the box of fan mail they just picked up outside. He was breathing fast, his hand shaking. He found a black envelope and ripped it open. His eyes scanned the contents. _Dear Tegan. I'm sorry you're sick and I wish you a speedy recovery._.. He threw the letter to the side and continued searching. Charles pulled out another black envelope and Alex grabbbed it out of his hands and tore it open. _Swiss bank account... a number... pay the money and I'll tell you where to find them._ _This account can't be traced so don't bother trying._.. "Should I pay.. should I pay now?" he asked confused. "NO! Alex if we pay before we have them we won't see them again... We need to make arrangements for an exchange first" said Charles with his hand on Alex's shoulder. "Why aren't they calling?" said Alex dejected. "They will, give it time" said Charles. "I just feel like we're running out of time... the longer they have them..." Alex trailed off and wiped tears from his cheeks.

Sara woke up in a sitting position with her head thrown back, her swollen hand was tied back to the chair. She was breathing heavily. "Okay, we're secure let's make this payment" said Susan. Jake smiled and cut Erin loose. Erin's wrists screamed in pain. They were full of dried blood where she rubbed them raw against the wall. "Get up!" shouted Jake pointing a gun at her. She got up and felt her legs shaking. Her blood sugar was obviously very low by now due to stress and lack of food and drink. Her neck hurt and it hurt to breathe. He shoved her forward causing her to stumble. She regained her balance and walked over to the computer. She sat down and started typing the bank's URL. The website appeared. The cursor hovered over the login box. "What are you waiting for?" snapped Susan. "Um... just give me a minute to remember my account number... just... a minute" said Erin, she closed her eyes and started typing. She stopped. "Is that it?" asked Susan irritated. "It needs 3 more digits, hang on" she said. Susan slapped her head hard. "Maybe that will help you remember" she laughed sadistically. "Just give me a fucking minute" yelled Erin. She typed in the last three digits. She moved to the first of the dual passwords boxes and started typing. Then the second... She pressed enter. A screen with her name and account number appeared. "Account locked - please contact customer support" appeared in red. "no, this isn't possible, it's the right details I swear it is" she said shaking her head pressing enter again and again. "Somebody was trying to be clever here" said Jake as he kicked her in the ribs. Erin fell to the floor gasping. "Stop... stop... please" yelled Sara.

The cellphone in Charles' hand started ringing. He answered immediately. "Yes... could you trace it?... Dammit!... Keep trying" he said and pressed end. "Somebody just tried to log into Erin's bank account... can't trace it... these guys are good" he said staring out of the window.

"Fuck this, I'm going with the original plan. Let's get them in the van" said Jake annoyed. Sara was cut loose from the chair. Jake tied her hands behind her back unnecessarily hard and put a black pillow case over her head. Susan did the same with Erin. They led them to the white van and shoved them inside. They closed the door revealing a BioTech medical supplies logo. "I've gonna shave so I look legit. Keep an eye on them. I'll be five minutes" said Jake. Susan waited in the van with a gun pointed at Erin and Sara. Jake appeared wearing looking clean and shaven. He was actually quite good looking when he was cleaned up. He was wearing surgical scrubs with a white doctors coat. A stethoscope was hanging around his neck and he had a hospital ID tag. He pulled out of the warehouse into the LA sun. "When we get there you head to the helicopter landing pad on the ground... you know the spot. Stay in the van. "I'm going up to CCU and doing what we talked about..." said Jake. "I don't know Jake, do we have to do that?" she said sounding scared. "Yes, if they lose one... they'll be more desperate to save these two... we have to" he said. Sara tried to scream, so did Erin but the duct tape over their mouths were preventing them. _No... No please no... not Tegan... stay the fuck away from Tegan... I'll fucking break you in half... Nooo, Tegan! _screamed Sara in her mind.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

A van pulled up outside the hospital delivery gate. The guard looked at the lady's credentials. "Where's Jane today?" he asked. "We have some emergency supplies, I'm sure Jane will be here with her normal delivery soon. We may be a while, boss wants me do stock take while I'm here... as if I have the time for that shit..." said Susan looking nonchalant. The guard chuckled and waved her in. In the back of the van Jake was holding Sara and Erin's legs to prevent them from kicking and making noise.

"Okay, I'm going in... keep these two quiet. I'll be out soon... we'll make the call... get the helicopter and as soon as I have confirmation of the cash in our account we're out of here" said Jake. Susan swallowed hard. "Hurry up, I want this done now..." she said.

Kate and Emy were sitting with a sleeping Lindsey. Kate had her hand in a fist in front of her mouth._ How much more... how much more can they be expected to handle... These babies have to be okay... Sara and Erin must be okay..._

Jake took an elevator up to the CCU. He stopped in front of the door. He knew the ins and outs of this hospital having studied the video feed for hours. He stopped in front of the two burley security guards and showed his hospital ID. "You new here?" asked the one. "I've been on holiday in Hawaii, perks of being a doctor hey" he laughed and swiped his card. The door clicked open. "What a dick" said the one guard to the other. He heard Susan's voice in his ear. She was watching the video feed on a iPad in the van. "Hang tight for a minute, they're taking her for some scans or something" she said. Jake turned into the mens room. Time passed slowly. "Okay, she's back... they'll probably be checking her vitals now... give it 5 minutes and you're good to go" she said.

Sara felt the cable tie finally snap from the friction she's been applying using the sharp end of one of the shelves in the van. She stayed quiet. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her nasal passages were still quite swollen from the earlier punch and it made breathing difficult with the tape over her mouth. She moved her hand slowly. Susan didn't seem to notice, she was engrossed in the video feed. She pulled the pillow case off her head and saw Susan's back. She was looking out of the front window not paying attention to her hostages. Sara spotted a full whiskey bottle and grabbed it. She slowly moved forward and hit Susan over the head with everything in her. Susan's head fell forward... she was out cold. Sara was shaking, she broke the bottle on the van's floor and used the shards to cut Erin's hands and feet loose, then her own. Both girls ripped the tape off their faces. Sara gasped for air. "Tie her up Erin... I have to get upstairs..." said Sara out of breath. "I'll be there as soon as I can... Don't call security... Sara... be careful" said Erin taking the cable ties and tying Susan's hands and feet.

Sara jumped out of the van and started running as fast as her injured body would allow her. _Hang on Tegan... I'm coming.._.. She found an emergency elevator and punched the up button repeatedly. The doors opened almost immediately. She got in and pressed the CCUs floor number. She burst out of the doors and saw the two security guards. "Miss Quin, ar you okay... you look injured?" Neither of them knew about the kidnapping, they were simply instructed to up security 100 times and they assumed it was to keep the paps out. A very difficult task in itself. "Yeah, I... it's okay, I just had a fall. Open please. They let Sara in without further questions.

Sara burst into CCU and some nurses and doctors looked up. "Sara? Are you okay?" Sara simply held her palm out and walked briskly towards Tegan's room. "Yeah, I'm fine just... give me a minute with Tegan please" she said. Sara walked into Tegan's room and saw Jake hovering over an unconcious Tegan with a syringe in his hand. "Get away from her... get the fuck away from her" she said loudly. Jake simply put the needle into one of Tegan's IV ports and looked over his shoulder. "Shut up, lock the door or I'll press the plunger... if I do her heart will stop in five seconds...I said lock the fucking door..." he said calmly.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Kate walked to Tegan's room and tried to open the door. _Weird, it's stuck_... She tried again... it didn't budge. "Dr Morgan, Sara's in there she.." said a nurse. "WHAT? Sara's in there? Call security... call Alex he's in the conference room" she said and jogged over to the video feed screen at the nurses station. "Who the fuck is that?" she screamed looking at the man next to Tegan's bed. "I... uh... I just assumed it's Dr Brown... the specialist from San Francisco you had..." the nurse trailed off. "Well it's not... shit!" screamed Kate banging her palms on the counter.

Alex, Charles and 4 security guards came running towards the nurses station followed by Emy. "Kate... what's going on..." said Alex sounding panicked. "Sara is in there, somebody's with her... the door is locked" said Kate. Emy was hanging onto the counter looking shaken. "Sara's in there, oh God... Sara!" she whimpered. A nurse rubbed her back. With that Erin came limping in... "Erin... oh my God Erin" said Alex as he threw his arms around her. "You're okay, are you hurt... Erin..." Erin simply tore herself out of Alex's grip and headed for Tegan's room. She tried to open the door and screamed "I've got to get in there!" Alex ripped her away as nurse held up a phone. "Alex... it's the man in Tegan's room" she said looking pale. Alex ran over and grabbed the phone, Charles pressed the speaker phone button. "What... what do you want... don't hurt them... we'll give you whatever you want" he panted. "Firstly, I want Erin in here... now. Send her in and nobody gets hurt. The rest of you stay outside... if you try any funny shit I'll send Tegan into cardiac arrest so fast your head will spin. Evacuate the rest of the CCU... do it and I'll give you further instructions" said Jake. They heard the phone click. "I'm going in" said Erin determined. "You're not going anywhere" said Alex holding her. "Erin, no, don't go in there please" pleaded Kate. "I'm going... he'll kill Tegan... and then he'll kill Sara if I don't. I'm going..." she said. One of the guards pulled off his bullet proof vest and handed it to her. She grabbed it and pulled it on. Alex had tears rolling down his cheeks. "Please Erin... don't do this" he pleaded. "I'll be okay... it's the only way. Just do what he says" said Erin calmly as the guard clipped the vest in place. Kate started ordering the evacuation, the one other patient in CCU was already being wheeled out by medical personel. Erin turned to Alex. "I love you. I'll be out soon..." she whispered and swallowed hard. She walked to the door and opened it. "This changes everything, I'm calling the SWOT team" said Charles. Alex was losing it. "No... I can't believe I let her go in there" he wailed. "Alex, calm down... she needs you calm" said Kate hugging her brother.

Erin closed the door and held her hands in the air. Jake was standing with a gun in one hand pointed at her chest. His other hand had his thumb on the plunger of the syringe. "Sara, against the wall over there... Erin, take that IV stand and knock down the camera" he said. Erin took the IV stand and did as instructed. "Now close the blinds" he instructed. Erin again did as told. "Okay get next to your friend" he said. He picked up the phone and dialed the nurses station. "I want a helicopter... on the roof... the medevac one will do just fine. Fueled up. Then I want you to transfer the money... do it now. I'll give you five minutes... don't try anything funny or all three gets it."

"Why... why are you doing this? We'll give you what you want... just please... don't..." Sara got cut of by an irate Jake. "Why... fuck you Quin... you and your fucking lesbo sister... you want to know why?" Jake had a crazed look in his eyes. It was clear he was emotionally unstable. He seemed more and more like a madman. "I... I had the perfect girl... she was perfect... she was my everything... we had it all... I had a fucking awesome job... and I had an amazing fiance... And then, one day she told me about this band she liked "Tegan and Sara" ... at first I didn't think anything of it... but as time went by she became almost obsessed with you... she was watching you fuckers on YouTube the whole day... Tweeting you... listening to your fucking aweful music all day... she had a folder with hundeds of photos of you... And then... one day... she told me that she didn't love me... that she wanted out of the engagement... I didn't understand why... then she told me she was gay... she was a fucking lesbo just like you... only... she wasn't ... I knew her... she wasn't ... she was confused... she wasn't gay... you two made her gay! You took her away from me! and then... " Sara tried to interject. "shut up and let me finish... I lost my job because all I did was try and get her back... and my life sucks now..." he screamed. Sara breathed heavily "and Susan?" she asked carefully. "Susan's just a toy, a means to an end... I would not have been able to pull this off whithout her but oh well... I guess that's the end for us" he smiled. "I... I'm sorry about what happened... but... It doesn't work that way... you can't turn somebody gay..." said Sara softly. "The fuck you can't!" screamed Jake, spit bubbling from the sides of his mouth. He was crying and shaking. "I'm... I'm sorry" said Sara. "You will pay..." said Jake as he turned to Tegan. He put his thumb back on the plunger. "No... nooo please... if you kill her there's no way they're letting you go... please think about it... they will kill you" said Sara petrified. "Yeah well, maybe that's not such a bad thing." he said looking dejected. His thumb still hovered over the plunger. The phone rang and he jumped to answer it.


	44. Chapter 44

_A/N: these next few chapters are crazy. I feel drained now. Hang in there, almost over! Review please! _

**Chapter 44**

"Are you done" Alex heard the voice snap on the other side of the phone. "Yes... the money is in your account... please... don't hurt them... The helicopter is on its way" said Alex carefully. "You've got 5 minutes for that chopper to get here... tick tock, tick tock..." Alex heard a click and slammed the phone down. "Alex, the helicopter is here... the SWOT team are taking their positions. We need to stall him for a few minutes though, don't tell him the helicopter's here" said Charles. Alex nodded, he looked as if he was about to throw up. Emy was sitting with her head in her hands, Kate was trying to comfort her. Kate was very happy that both Lindsey and Sonia were sleeping peacefully at the moment. She silently hoped that Tegan's sedation would last, it was bound to be wearing off.

On the other side of the door Jake checked something on his phone. It was confirmation that the money was there. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "What did you do with Susan?" he asked. "We... we tied her to the steering wheel" said Erin. "Cops will be all over her in a few minutes I'm sure... So, I guess this is it girls. It's time for me to take somebody from you that you love." he said emotionless. "No... Please... don't please... I'm begging you" sobbed Sara. She fell down on her knees shaking, her hands still behind her head. "Please... please" she whispered. Jake smiled sadistically relishing in the sight of Sara begging.

Tegan became aware of somebody shouting close to her. "No... Please... don't please... I'm begging you" It sounded like Sara. Tegan opened her eyes and tried to focus. The first thing she saw Erin with their hands behind their head. She looked tired and full of blood. She was sobbing hysterically. She turned her eyes. _Who's this guy... a new doctor?... Where's Kate...What's going on... Sara... _nothing made sense in Tegan's mind and she was convinced she was simply having another nightmare. "Get up loser" the man shouted. Tegan's heart monitor sped up considerably. "Oh look, sleeping beauty finally decided to join us" said Jake. Tegan saw Sara struggling up "Ss... Sara" she whispered weakly. She felt weak and sicker than she had since being taken off the vent. Her heart rate went through the roof when she saw Sara standing up. Sara had a massive bruise on her face, her white shirt was covered in blood and her hand was super swollen, tears trails stained her dirty face. "Tegan... Tee..." said Erin jumping forward. "Stay where you are Hollywood" he said. Erin froze "Hi Tegan, everything's okay... Just close your eyes and relax for me" said Erin softly. Tegan didn't buy it, she was so confused, her head was spinning... _Who is this man_... She picked up her hand weakly and pushed away the oxygen mask. "E... what's happening?... Sara?" she said weakly. "Tegan... everything's OK.." repeated Sara. Jake took one of Tegan's IV lines and pulled the tube from the needle port, then another, and another. He moved up to the central line. "What are ... you doing" said Tegan confused. Tegan's vitals didn't like this one bit. Her vital signs immediately reflected the lack of vascular support and her BP started dropping. "Don't do that please... she needs those IVs... Please... please!" shouted Sara again. Tegan started to feel dizzy. "Sar... Sara" she whispered. "Right here Tegan, right here" said Sara calmly. Erin glanced up at her monitors and saw that her BP was falling through the floor. Tegan lost consciousness as her pressure continued to crash. Monitors were screaming everywhere.

Kate was watching Tegan's monitors at the nurses' station. Jake either forgot to kill the link or he wanted them to be able to see it. "I think Tegan's awake... her heart rate is through the roof... shit... pressure's falling so is her pulse ox. I need to get in there" said Kate. "Give us just one minute Doc" said the SWOT team leader standing on the other side of the counter. "We don't really have a minute... get going please" she said urgently. "I want everybody out of here please – other side of the door please" said Charles. "I have to stay and watch her monitors" said Kate. "Well I'm not going anywhere" said Emy firmly. Charles sighed. "Get down, right under the counter please – now!" The phone rang and Jake picked it up without taking his eyes off Sara. "The helicopter is here and waiting... you can take the stairs or the emergency elevator. Please, just don't hurt them" begged Alex. "I want all of you out... out, out, out! – if I see one person moving..." the call ended. "Hey Hollywood... get over here" he said pointing the gun at Erin's chest. "Get rid of this" he said pointing at the bullet proof vest. Erin knew that Alex would freak out but she pulled off the vest. She knew they had to get out of there soon, Tegan needed medical attention. The syringe was still in one of Tegan's IV ports. Jake grabbed Erin hard around the neck and held her like a human shield. He pointed his gun at Sara. He took his hand away from Erin's neck and brought it down to the syringe in one of the few remaining IV lines in Tegan's arm. He was staring into Sara's eyes. His hand moved towards the plunger...


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Erin acted on instinct. She swiftly yanked the tube of the IV line where the syringe was sticking out. Tape ripped from Tegan's arm and the needle violently left her body. The syringe flew across the room and crashed on the floor. Her arm was bleeding where the needle was torn out. "You fucking bitch" screamed Jake. He held the gun to her temple. Erin was sobbing and shaking violently. Jake yanked the pillow from under Tegan's arm and held it above her face. He was clearly losing his grip. Tegan's monitors still screamed. Jake was so preoccupied with the pillow that he moved the gun from Erin's head onto the pillow. Sara noticed and jumped forward to shove him away from Tegan. "Get away from her... get away..." she screamed. Sara heard a loud bang then another... she stopped in her tracks. She put her hand over her stomach and felt something warm and wet. She lifted her hand and saw red blood cover her fingers. Her legs gave way and she crashed to the ground.

"Fuck! What was that!" screamed Alex. Kate was crouched under the counter with Emy. They were both shaking. "Please... please... please..." whispered Emy repeatedly with her eyes closed.

Erin screamed and tried to run but Jake grabbed her by the throat and held the gun to her head. "Let's go!" he walked with his arm around Erin's neck to the door. He looked back over his shoulder, first at Sara lying in a rapidly growing pool of blood and then at Tegan, still unconscious. He straightened his arm and aimed – Erin was barely in time to slap his hand away. Another shot rang out... "aaggghhh" he shouted. And started moving out of the door. He was greeted by 4 members of the SWOT team pointing assault rifles at him. "Back off... back off or I'll kill her" he shouted moving backwards towards the elevator. He pressed the button and the doors opened. Erin had her hands on his arm trying to pull it away from her throat, she was struggling to breathe and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She felt adrenaline course through her veins helping her shocked body to move. Jake pulled her hard into the elevator.

The minute the elevator doors closed Kate and Emy jumped up. "Get some doctors in here!" shouted Kate and sprinted into the room. She felt her heart jump into her throat as she saw a wound on Tegan's arm. She ran forward and inspected it quickly. It was a flesh wound, the bullet entered right into the tattoo of Tegan and Sara. "I need help in here!" she screamed frantically. "Help!" she screamed. Sara couldn't move. _Tegan... is Tegan okay... Tegan.._.. was all that went through her mind. She heard footsteps, somebody gasped and said her name "Sara... Sara ..." she glanced up, it was Emy. Kate looked down and saw a distraught Emy on her knees next to Sara.._. Sara's hurt... no... please..._

The elevator doors opened and Jake dragged Erin out, the gun was still pointed at her head. He started running, pulling Erin along. "I can't get a clear shot" said one of the SWOT team to their leader. "Don't shoot if you can't" said the boss man. Jake reached the chopper and pulled Erin inside, still using her as a human shield. "Go... Go..." He shouted at the pilot. The helicopter blades started turning. The door still open. Alex came running out. "Noooo, Erin... Nooooo!" he shouted. The chopper lifted about 10 feet into the air. "I have a shot!" said the sniper. He pulled the trigger.

"Em... Is... is Tegan okay..." Sara said through gritted teeth. "Uh huh, she's okay" said Emy through her tears. The next moment Kate was next to Sara pressing something onto her wounds. The pain was excruciating. "We have a GSW to the abdomen and the shoulder. Possible further internal bleeding" said Kate after pulling open Sara's shirt and seeing the massive bruises over her ribs and stomach. Hang in there Sara, we're going fix you right up... it's okay" said Kate. Emy grabbed her hand. "Sara, I'm right here" she tried to smile. Dr Altman, Dr Karev and a few more medical personnel came rushing into the room. "Altman... Tegan... get her on some dopamine stat and get those IVs back..." she shouted. "I've got her" shouted Altman. Dr Altman and a team of doctors and nurses immediately hooked Tegan's IV's back up. She pushed some dopamine causing Tegan's BP to go up. Her eyes flew open. "Where... where's Sara" mumbled Tegan.

Erin felt Jake's grip loosen. Jake fell backward, a bullet had pierced his forehead. Erin fell forward out of the open door. She plunged to the ground... "Eriiiiin!" Shouted Alex and ran towards his wife lying broken on the hospital roof. "We need medical up here now!" shouted the SWOT leader into his two way radio as the helicopter lowered. "Erin... Please... No, Erin!" shouted Alex as he knelt down next to her. Erin was unconscious, blood was seeping from her arm where a bone was sticking out. Alex was frantic. He put his finger on her neck searching for a pulse. He found one but it was weak. "Help! I need help!" He shouted over the noise of the helicopter. Derek Shepherd came running out with a medical team. He knelt next to Erin, felt her pulse and shone a penlight into her pupils. "Pupils unequal but reactive, let's immobilize the spine and get her out of here!

Emy was holding Sara's hand and touching her face. "You're gonna be okay Sara... Sara... I love you" she whispered. Sara whispered back out of breath "love... you too Em" Sara felt cold... she felt her body starting to shake. Strangely she wasn't hurting anymore. "She's lost a lot of blood guys, she's going into shock.. we need to get her to an OR stat... Get me a gurney!" shouted Kate.

Tegan heard a commotion, heard Kate shout. She panicked and tried to get up, her monitors went crazy and she was pushed back down. "Sara... Sara..." she said confused. "Sara!" she wailed when nobody responded. She was distraught and it was sending her vital signs into a tizz. Tegan felt pain... Her shoulder and her abdomen was throbbing. Tegan whimpered. "Tegan... I'm here... I'm okay" said Sara faintly. Tegan couldn't hear her through her sobs .

"Sara, stay with me, you stay with me" said Emy panicked. Sara felt something prick her arm "I've got a line started" reported Karev. Sara felt Kate put two fingers to her throat to check her pulse. "Pulse is thready... she needs volume! Call the blood bank, we're going to need plenty of O neg" she shouted. Sara focussed on Emy's beautiful eyes. She was so happy to see her. In this moment she knew that Emy was the love of her life.. She loved her. She smiled... content... Sara felt herself slip away... Emy was going crazy "Sara! No, Sara stay with me! Sara! I'm not losing you... not when I just found you again!" Everything blurred and went dark.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

Sonia woke up with Kate rubbing her arm. "Wake up Sonia… Wake up" she said gently. Sonia felt groggy from the medication, she blinked a few times and opened her eyes wide. She was taken aback when she saw Kate looking exhausted and pale. "Kate… What's going on… Is everything okay?" She asked scared. "Shhhh Sonia, calm down" said Kate. "Don't tell me to calm down! What's going on with my kids!" she screamed. "Sonia… Everything's okay" said Kate and pulled her into a hug. "They're okay… They're okay" she repeated while softly rocking Sonia.

Sonia seemed to calm down a bit. Kate pulled away and looked her in the eye. She breathed deep. "Sonia… Sara and Erin are okay… But they're hurt…" said Kate stifling a sob. "What happened? Tell me… Tell me now" said Sonia through her tears. Kate started telling Sonia the basics up to when Sara got shot. "Sara lost a lot of blood and it was touch and go there for a while but she's lucky, the bullets didn't hit any major organs. We managed to control the bleeding and get her blood volume back up. She had some further internal bleeding from blunt abdominal trauma and she's got a lot of broken ribs, she was lucky that they didn't pierce a lung. She has some cuts and bruises but she's out of danger… She's okay. Emy is with her. She should wake up soon." said Kate. "Thank God" whispered Sonia. "Erin?" she asked. "Erin had a subdural hemoatoma… bleeding on the brain… She had quite a fall and she hit her head very hard... Dr Shepherd is the best neuro surgeon in the country, he's got it under control. She's also got a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder and she also has some broken ribs and a collapsed lung... Pierced by a rib... She's in a coma but Derek is positive she'll come out of it soon" said Kate looking dejected. Sonia started crying "I'll kill him…. I'll fucking kill him" she mumbled. "Somebody already did that for you Sonia. He's dead… and his accomplice is in custody" said Kate. "Is Tegan okay?" asked Sonia. Kate gave another deep breath. "Sonia… Tegan had a setback… She's okay but her condition has deteriorated, she went through a lot of stress that she was simply too weak to deal with… But she's okay… She got shot in the arm but it was a flesh wound, we fixed that up in no time." smiled Kate. "Is Lindsey with her?" Asked Sonia. "Tegan is sedated…. Lindsey had a scare…. She had some bleeding and we put her on bed rest just to make sure this pregnancy remains viable… But she's fine and the babies are fine. She's with Tegan. In a reclining chair but she's there." said Kate. "This isn't happening… My kids… My kids" wailed Sonia. Kate pulled her into another hug "They're going to be fine Sonia…. Shhhh… They're all going to be fine"

_A/N: They're okay! I didn't feel the need to drag out the torture any further!_


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Sara slowly became aware of sounds... beep, beep, beep. _I'm alive._... She slowly opened her eyes. Emy was sitting next to the bed holding her hand, she was holding her head in the other. Sara squeezed Emy's hand causing her to jump. "Sara... hey Sar... you're okay... you're okay" said Emy through he tears of joy. "Heeey" said Sara weakly. Images from the trauma in Tegan's room suddenly rushed into her mind. Her heart monitor sped up. "Erin... Tegan..." she breathed. "They're okay Sara, they're fine... just calm down" Sara relaxed, her entire body had a dull ache. She was bruised all over including her face. She looked small and helpless in the white bed. "I... I love you..." she whispered. "I love you so much Sara... don't scare me like that..." said Emy. Kate walked into the room. "Welcome back Sara. How are you feeling" she asked. "Like crap..." she whispered. "What happened... what... Is Erin okay... and Tegan..." she said in obvious pain. "They're okay Sara... and he's dead... Erin's hurt quite badly but she's gonna be okay. We'll give you the whole story later. You just focus on getting better now ok. You're safe now... Your mom's outside, can I send her in?" asked Kate. "yeah..." whispered Sara. "We're safe, we're safe now... safe" she whispered with her eyes closed. "I'll never let anybody hurt you again Sara... never..." said Emy through her tears. "Fucked up date huh" said Sara and laughed causing her more pain. "Shhhh, shhh Sar, relax." said Emy stroking her hair. "I trust you'll make it up to me" she winked. Sonia jogged in. "Sara... oh my god honey... Oh Sara..." she said weeping. "I'm okay mom..." whispered Sara. "Yeah you're okay, you're all going to be fine... this nightmare will be over soon" said Sonia. "Erin... Erin saved Tegan... she saved her life..." whispered Sara. Kate injected some meds into her IV "You can tell us all about it later Sar, you need to get some rest now."

"There is no way you're speaking to her now" said Owen Hunt to an FBI detective. Owen was a trauma surgeon and he assisted Kate with Sara's surgery. "She's been through a lot... you can talk to her later. She needs her rest right now. Maybe she'll be up to it tomorrow... After speaking with a trauma councillor. Stop trying!" he said annoyed.

Alex was a mess. _This is all my fault... I should have protected them... I should have paid earlier... but then... he would have killed them... Oh Erin... I'm so sorry baby.._.. Erin had numerous IVs and monitors attached to her including a cranial pressure monitor making sure her brain didn't start bleeding again. A ventilator tube was going into her mouth and her arm was in a cast - metal pins sticking through it. "Please wake up Erin... please baby" he whispered kissing her healthy hand. Erin stayed still. Kate entered and put her arm on her brother's shoulder. He started shaking with emotion. "So, apparently Erin's quite the hero... Sara woke up and she says Erin saved Tegan's life. We'll hear the whole story later but that sounds like her right?" said Kate smiling.

Lindsey was next to Tegan's bed... she tried to stay as still as possible, her legs up in the reclining chair. She still had an IV in her arm. "Tegan... everyone's okay babe, you're okay... You'll be out of here soon... We'll be one happy family soon..." she said looking at the ceiling with her hand on her expanding belly.

Ted, Jeremy, Stephen and Bruce were in the family room. They wanted to see the girls but respected that only one or two people were allowed in with them and they knew very well that they we not the right people to be next to them. "If they hadn't shot that son of a bitch I would have killed him with my bare hands" said Stephen fuming. "And I would've helped you" said Bruce. "Our kids Bruce... he hurt our kids... I can't bear the thought of..." Stephen trailed off, tears building in his eyes. "It's okay man... They're gonna pull through... and Steve..." said Bruce. "Thank you for calling them our kids"

The media was having a field day outside. Word of a kidnapping and hostage drama in the hospital soon spread and rumor was that the Quins and Morgan's were involved. Every major news outlet was outside waiting for a statement. It was a cool LA evening. Fans from both camps were crowding the lawn outside. An FBI spokesman stepped outside and had a thousand microphones shoved in his face. "Ladies and gentlemen... I can confirm that a hostage incident took place in the hospital earlier today following a kidnapping. I can confirm that one suspect is in custody and that another was killed during the rescue. We're not going to divulge any further information as this is an ongoing criminal investigation." he said. "Any confirmation that Erin Morgan and Sara Quin were involved" asked a journalist. The detective sighed. "Yes, Erin and Sara were involved... They were both injured but they received excellent medical attention and they are both stable. Please respect their privacy during this time. No further questions please" he said and walked inside. Fans were losing it. Crying hysterically...

_A/N: A bit of a boring chapter to end off the night. I think we all needed that after the traumatic previous chapters. Thanks for reading. I'm off to bed. Remember to review please. _


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Tegan groaned and moved her head slowly from side to side. Her brow furrowed and her lips started moving, she muttered something incomprehensible. Her heart monitor picked up speed and Sonia got up out of her chair. She walked over to Tegan and held her hand. Lindsey stroke her hair and looked up at Sonia. "I hate it when this happens... she seems to be having so many nightmares" she said. Kate rushed in and put her stethoscope in her ears while looking at the monitors. The nightmare seemed to be getting worse and Tegan groaned some more. "Can we wake her up Kate, please... she's having another nightmare..." asked Lindsey desperate. "Okay but let's try and keep her calm guys" said Kate and injected something into Tegan's IV. She gently shook her shoulder. "Tegan... wake up... open your eyes buddy... wake up" Tegan heard Kate's familiar voice mixed into her nightmare. Her eyes flew open and she breathed fast. "Shhh Tee, just relax... it was just a dream... everything's ok" said Lindsey. Tegan felt confused again, like she always did when waking up in this hospital. She tried to put together puzzle pieces in her mind. Her mind picked up an ugly one... Tegan whipped her head to look at Kate. "Sara... where's Sara... and Erin... what happened?" she asked confused and scared. "Tegan, they're okay... everybody's okay... stay calm for me... nice deep breaths please" said Kate. "No... Where are they? I want... to see them" said Tegan annoyed but weak. "Sweetie, Sara and Erin... got hurt... they are taking great care of them okay... they're right next door but they're sleeping" said Lindsey. Tears burst from Tegan's eyes. "Who did this... why... why did they... do this... are they okay... did he hurt them... what happened?" she was soon sobbing. "Just calm down... shhhh we'll tell you all about it later. Let's just take care of you now okay" said Kate. She was itching to sedate Tegan again but she knew that she would have to face this emotional trauma at some stage. Her vitals were holding up reasonably well considering her emotional state and she couldn't keep her sedated forever. Lindsey picked her up and just held a sobbing Tegan tightly to her chest. Tegan's arms just hung lifeless down her sides, she was still too weak to even hug her fiancé... it pissed her off! She hated every second of feeling powerless... hated it! Everything just crumbled... she couldn't be strong anymore. "It's okay baby... it's okay" repeated Lindsey over and over again. Sonia rubbed her back. Kate was getting worried, Tegan's pulse ox was falling slowly due to the sobbing. Lindsey put her back on the pillows and Kate put an oxygen mask over her face. Lindsey started singing hoping it would calm Tegan down. "baby don't worry, about a thing... Cause every little thing's... Gonna be alright" The sight of her child in pain was killing Sonia and she put her hand in front of her mouth as if to keep her emotions inside. "Tegan, you need to calm down now or I'm gonna need to sedate you again" said Kate. "No... please... no..." said Tegan and took two deep breaths of the oxygen. Her diaphragm was still contracting causing some stifled sobs. "There we go... nice and easy. We'll let you see them soon okay... very soon just relax for me" said Kate. Tegan felt completely shattered. She cried herself into a restless sleep a few minutes later.

Sara was negotiating with Dr Hunt when Kate entered. "What's going on here?" she asked. "Kate, please let me see Tegan and Erin... please... I'm fine really" said Sara. "Hmm – well we do want you up and about as soon as possible but not quite yet. You need to just take it easy" said Kate. Sara sighed. "Please... I... I really, really need to see them... I have to see them" begged Sara, she was close to tears. "Oh alright! You Quins making us jump through hoops again hey..."

Sara's bed complete with medical equipment was pushed down the hall. Tegan was in a different room – her old room had crime scene tape all over the door. Sara put her healthy forearm over her eyes when she saw it and breathed in deep. Emy saw her reaction and put her hand on her shoulder. "It's okay baby, I know it's difficult..." she said. Sara felt as if Emy was reading her mind. Her chin started to quiver but Emy's touch calmed her. She had never been happier to have Emy with her, she needed her support and love more than ever. They turned the corner into Tegan's room. Lindsey and Sonia both grinned. Tegan seemed to be asleep but the commotion made her stir. They parked Sara's bed next to Tegan's moving a few machines to the side so the twins could face each other. Sara looked at Tegan and smiled. _God how I love you Tegan_... she thought. Tegan had the stuffed giraffe clutched in her one arm. Tegan opened her eyes. "Hey brother..." said Sara softly. "Sasa..." whispered Tegan. "You're okay..." Sara took a second to compose herself "You bet I am..." she smiled and grabbed Tegan's hand with the hand without a cast. "We're gonna give you two a few minutes alone" said Sonia. Everybody else left the room. "Hey Sar... I bet it stung..." said Tegan chuckling weakly at her own inside joke. Sara just smiled. "What happened Sar?" asked Tegan, serious again. "Ugh... I'm sure you don't want to know..." said Sara looking up. "I don't... but I need to" said Tegan. "Sara... look at me... Sara!" Sara looked at Tegan, her eyes glistening with tears. Sara proceeded to tell Tegan about the kidnapping. She left out the really violent parts trying not to upset her sister too much. It wasn't working. Soon Tegan was weeping "I... can't... why..." Sara told Tegan why and Tegan simply shook her head. Clear mucus was running from Tegan's nose and she weakly pulled her hand to her face. Even this little bit of movement exhausted her. "Let me help you Tegan" said Sara trying to move. She fell back in pain. "You guys okay in here" said Kate popping her head around the door. Sara nodded and waved Kate over. Kate took a tissue and wiped Tegan's nose. She gave her a drink of water and left. "Fuck... I'm like a baby... even need to have... my nose wiped" said Tegan. She seemed a bit calmer now. "What happened then... in my room..." asked Tegan. Sara told Tegan everything she could remember. Tegan was speechless for a while trying to compose herself. "You saved me Sara... you saved my life" she smiled. "Thank you Sara... thank you..." Tegan whispered weakly. "No... Erin saved your life Tee. Twice. She pulled that IV with the syringe out... and she slapped his hand away when he tried to shoot you and she willingly risked her life by coming in here when she knew he was crazy." said Sara. "You both did... what have I done to... deserve you two... you two are... Fucking phenomenal" smiled Tegan. "Sar... tell me about your injuries... and Erin's" asked Tegan. "Oh it's nothing... few scrapes and bruises" said Sara. "Yeah... you end up in ICU... with scrapes and bruises" said Tegan with her brow raised. Sara told Tegan about her injuries and everything she knew about Erin's. Tegan's tears were flowing freely again. "Sara... Is she gonna wake up soon... Please tell me... she's gonna wake up soon" said Tegan. "Yes Tee. We're all gonna get through this – just stay positive"


	49. Chapter 49

_A/N: spoiling you with all the updates. I'm on a roll! Review if you want more._

**Chapter 49**

Dr Shepherd was examining Erin. He shone a light into her pupils. "Equal and reactive, that's a good sign Alex. Brain activity is normal. When she wakes up she may have some memory loss… Confusion" said Derek. "That's probably a good thing, let's hope she forgets the last few days…" said Alex. Derek pointed at a screen with an image of Erin's brain. "Swelling is subsiding nicely… I'm positive she'll wake up soon. We've discontinued sedation… Just give her time. Her lungs are okay, we'll try and get her off the vent later today. Hang in there Alex! She's a fighter!" said Derek. Alex just nodded looking at Erin's gorgeous but bruised face and the bandage around her head. Derek left and Kate walked in. "Hey bro, the FBI's outside demanding to talk to you… I told them to fuck off but …. you know…" said Kate. "Thanks sis, for everything…. I don't know where we'd be without you…" said Alex softly. "You got it" said Kate hugging her brother. "I guess I have to do this…. As little as I want to" he said and turned to Erin. He kissed her softly on the forehead. "I'll stay with her" said Kate. She sat down and leaned back. She has never felt more emotionally and physically drained.

Two hours of interrogation later Alex walked back into Erin's room. Kate was asleep with her head on Erin's bed. He looked at Erin's face, the breathing tube wasn't there anymore. He smiled and kissed her hand. Erin's eyes fluttered open. She coughed weakly. "Erin… Sweetie! Hi my angel!" he said and put his palm on her cheek gently. Kate woke up startled. "Alex…." said Erin. "I'm here sweetie…. You're safe! I love you!" he said. "Love you…" she whispered. "Where… am I? What… happened?" Alex looked at Kate. Erin seemed to be calm meaning she didn't remember the events of the last few days, she remembered him though and that made him sigh with relief! "You're in the hospital my love… You had… an accident but you're going to be fine okay" said Alex. Derek was back in the room. "Hi, I'm Derek Shepherd. Can you tell me your name?" he asked gently. "Erin…" she whispered. "Squeeze my hand Erin" Erin followed instructions. "Follow my finger" she again obliged. "Do you know what year it is Erin" he asked. "Hmmmm… I… I guess it's… 2013" she said. "That's right E!" Smiled Alex. "Do you remember anything that happened before your accident Erin" asked Derek. "Ummm… No… Um… We were in London… Why are you in London Katy" she asked confused.

For the next few hours Erin seemed oblivious as to the events of the last few weeks. She seemed to be in good spirits. They told her she was in LA and that's about it. "Alex… Can we phone Tegan? Does she know I'm here?" she asked. Alex sighed. "Sweetie… Tegan is in the hospital too… She… She…" Alex struggled for words. With those words everything came rushing back to Erin. She started breathing fast. "I… I remember… Oh God…. No…." she started sobbing. Derek and Kate ran into the room. Alex had Erin in his arms "they're okay sweetie… Everything's fine… You're all safe now"

Kate was pushing Tegan's bed down the hall "I have a surprise for you! You being my star patient and all..." she said. "Where are we going?" asked Tegan. They turned into a large room. "You… are getting an upgrade to ICU and guess what? You're getting some roomies!" Kate parked Tegan's bed and pulled a curtain "Tada! Sara!" she smiled. Tegan had a huge smile when she saw Sara sitting up looking a bit better than she did when she last saw her! "Sara!" whispered Tegan. "How are you feeling?" she asked. "Better! You?" asked Sara. "Lots better" smiled Tegan. "Room for one more?" said Derek as he pushed Erin's bed into the room. Erin was excited to see her friends and she tried to sit up. A nurse pushed her down. "Easy now Erin… Easy!" said Derek. The twins both gasped when they saw their injured friend. "Erin… are you okay… Erin!" exclaimed Tegan. "Yeah… Just a little knock on the head and a few bumps" said Erin weakly. "Are you guys okay?" she asked. "We're both fine Erin… We're fine… It's over… It's over" said Sara through her tears.

The girls talked for a while. They talked about what happened and it left them all exhausted and emotional. "You three get some rest now. If you want to stay roomies we can't have you chattering away the whole day… This is an ICU after all and you are all three pretty sick. So… Get… Some… Rest!" said Kate. "Yes m'am" said Tegan. Kate closed the blinds, turned down the lights and left. The girls were quiet, listening to the sounds of three heart monitors. "Hey Erin… E?" whispered Tegan like a naughty school girl. "Thank you… For saving my life" Erin smiled with her eyes closed. "No life I'd rather save friendo"

_A/N: You wanted happy, soppy chapters! I'm happy to oblige! ;) Let's get these three home! _


	50. Chapter 50

_A/N: Ta-da! Chapter 50 is here! Writing this story has become my daily stress relief after work - ha ha. Enjoy and please review!_

**Chapter 50**

It was visiting hour and the girls' room was full of them including all the parents, the twins' and Erin's, as well as Ted, Jeremy and the rest of the band. There were numerous get well soon balloons floating around as no flowers were allowed in the ICU. "Guys, there's something Lindsey and I... haven't quite... had the opportunity to tell you" smiled Tegan weakly. "There's so many of you... I know you lot... I know that you guys are... all going to fight to hold this baby... like all the time... so... we're having two" she smiled. Sara sat up with difficulty "You're shitting me?" she said. "What did I tell you... about your potty mouth around my kids" laughed Tegan. Sara made a face and put her healthy hand in front of her mouth. Sonia looked shocked and suddenly burst out laughing "Oh my god that's great... it's payback time hey guys" she said winking at Stephen and Bruce. "I can't wait... this is awesome" she said. "Congrats guys... never one to do things half way hey Tee" said Erin. "Quin for the win" winked Tegan. "That means we have to get another giraffe asap Em... these kids are gonna break my budget" laughed Sara. Tegan smiled. It was amazing to be laughing again with her friends and family right there next to her. The thought of two kids running around playing with these amazing, loving people made Tegan choke away some tears.

"Sorry to break up the party guys but we need to steal Sara for a few tests." said Kate. Sara was taken for some scans by the nursing staff, Emy accompanied her not wanting to be away from her for a minute more than she needed to. "I can't believe Sara and Emy's big reunion... turned out to be a big drama" said Tegan. She was still feeling really tired and weak but she was pushing herself to be awake as much as possible. "Yeah it sucks... but they seem so head over heals for each other I don't think they needed a big date night" said Sonia. "We... we need to do something for them" said Tegan. "Hell yeah... we need some romance" said Erin smiling. "Kate... you need to help us... I've got some ideas" said Tegan with a mischievous smile.

It was Tegan's turn to leave for tests. She really just wanted to close her eyes and sleep after visiting hour. Tegan slept like a baby through the long CT and MRI scans. She woke up as she was pushed her into an empty room. "Tegan..." said Kate sitting down on the bed next to her "What's up K-dawg" said Tegan hoarsly. "I brought you in here because I wanted to talk to you and Linds in private" said Kate. Tegan's expression changed to one of concern. A nurse led Lindsey in. "Hey snookums.. nurse said you had a nice nap in the space ship" she smiled and kissed Tegan softly on the lips. Tegan nodded and smiled half heartedly. Lindsey sat down in a chair next to the bed and took Tegan's hand. It was as if their hands were magnetically drawn to one another. They always automatically found their way to be entwined. "Tee... I want to send a probe down your throat to inspect your vocal chords." said Kate. Tegan frowned "Why?" she whispered looking spooked. "Well... you've had quite a bit of trauma to your throat, first a lot of infection and then you had an ET tube down there for a long time. ET tubes can sometimes cause some vocal chord damage... I'm hoping yours is okay because we took extra special precaution when we inserted the tube but I'm concerned that you're still experiencing pain when speaking and you're still sounding quite hoarse." said Kate. Tegan looked as if she was about to start crying. "It's okay baby" whispered Lindsey. Tegan stayed quite for a while, the movement of her facial muscles gave away the fact that she was trying to control her emotions. "I just want to make sure everything's okay down there Tee. I'm scheduling it for first thing in the morning" said Kate and unconsciously bit her bottom lip. Tegan breathed in deep through her nose. "Will... will I sing again" she asked. Kate seemed to be getting emotional. "Tegan, we'll know more once we've had a look at those chords okay. That aside... your lungs went through a lot... we're hoping for a full recovery and everything seems on track but we simply don't know yet. As you very well know your lungs play a major part in singing and yours went through so much trauma. I'm not going to lie to you Tegan, you're going to need to work hard, really hard... Lots of physical therapy. Lots of pulmonary therapy." Tegan's chin and bottom lip started quivering. "I'll sing again... I will you watch me..." she said, emotion breaking in her voice. "That's the spirit buddy" said Kate smiling.

Dusk was falling outside when nurse Abby came in and informed Sara that she needed to go for some more tests. Sara was still sleepy from her nap and she mumbled "ahhh jeez not again". Emy got up to go with her, never letting go of her hand. "Go get something to eat Em... I'm okay... just the run of the mill scans I guess" sighed Sara. Abby seemed to panic a bit "No... I think it's good if she comes with you this time... the dinner menu at the cafeteria only starts at 7 and it's lasagne night so you don't want to miss that" she smiled. "Oh... okay then, don't want to miss the lasagne and my daily jello cup" said Emy. Sara's bed was pushed down the hall into a different direction than she was used to. "Where are we going? What tests am I having done?" she asked confused. Kate came jogging up next to her as they stopped in front of her office. She pulled the door open. "mmmm a test of looooove" she smiled. The nurse pushed the bed into the office. It was magical. The entire office was filled with candles and flowers. Soft music was playing in the background. The office was large and beautiful with a magnificent view of Los Angeles' lights starting to sparkle. The desk had silver domes on it seemingly hiding some food. Sara felt tears roll down her cheeks. Emy squeezed her hand. "Your family and friends thought it was about time you had your special reunion" smiled Kate. She checked Sara's monitor one last time and turned to them as she left. "Enjoy dinner guys" she said as she pointed at the desk. "Thank you... thank you for this... you guys... you're amazing" said Sara through her tears. Kate smiled and closed the door behind her. Sara looked like hell. The bruises on her face was a dark blue and she had a white support device over the bridge of her broken nose. Her hair was standing in all directions. Emy still found her so incredibly gorgeous. She leaned in and kissed Sara on the lips for the first time since seeing each other again. Sara groaned with pleasure. Her tongue playfully wrestling with Emy's "I love you Em... I'm so lucky to have found you again... don't ever go" she whispered.


	51. Chapter 51

_A/N: Wow, you guys were getting restless for updates! It's only been 3 days! Sorry, but you know, sometimes life gets in the way of fan fiction. What can you do... Ha ha. But okay I'm going to indulge you with 3 chapters today since I'll be away for 5 days starting Wednesday and there won't be updates during that time._

**Chapter 51**

Sara and Emy spent the early evening talking and having an amazing meal on Sara's bed. Emy was sitting on the bottom end of the bed with her legs crossed. Sara was still sore and weak. Sara stared at her as she poured them each a glass of grape juice. Emy looked tired but happy. "Cheers... To health, happiness and love" said Emy. "Cheers... Thank you Em... thank you for being here... I don't know what I would have done without you" said Sara. "You would've been fine Sara. You always are. But I'm so happy that you're not here alone. You'll never be alone again my angel" smiled Emy. "Em... I'm sorry that everything is so up in the air right now... I can't wait until it's just the two of us... I really want to go back to New York with you soon but... I can't leave Tegan right now... she needs me" said Sara. Emy took Sara's hands in hers and looked into her eyes. "I understand Sara... and I'm not going anywhere. I've been thinking that Tegan's probably going to need a lot of support going through rehab... and I know you're going to want to be here so perhaps we should think of renting a place in LA for a few months, just until Tegan's back on her feet. I can work from anywhere" said Emy. Sara stared at her wordless and smiled. "I would love that... You're amazing Emy... why do you love me... I don't deserve you " said Sara becoming emotional and fiddling with the IV in her hand. "Hey... Sar... look at me" said Emy. "I love you because you're sweet, and kind, and beautiful and brave, you're smart and sassy, I love you because you're you Sara... and because you love me..." whispered Emy. Sara moved to kiss Emy but quickly fell back in pain. "Hey... shhh... you're tired and you're hurting Sara... just relax" said Emy as she gently got onto the bed next to Sara and held her in her arms. Sara was exhausted but content as she lay in Emy's arms watching the lights of Los Angeles. Emy gently kissed her on her cheek and let her slip into a sweet sleep.

Tegan woke up panting and sweating. Another nightmare... Her mother took her hand and tried to calm her down "Tegan, it's okay... Just a nightmare sweetie" she said as Tegan tried to make sense of her surroundings. Lindsey walked into the room after her morning shower and saw Tegan looking upset and confused. "Shhh baby... I'm here... everything's okay" she whispered and took Tegan's hand. Tegan just turned weakly onto her side and whispered "just a dream, just a dream..."

"Kate... why is she having so many nightmares?" said Lindsey clearly upset. Kate led Lindsey and Sonia outside. She shook her head "Tegan's been through so, so much... there is a name for what she's going through... It's called ICU psychosis. It's a disorder in which patients in CCU or ICU experience a cluster of serious psychiatric symptoms. It's caused by sensory deprivation, sleep disturbance, fluctuating light levels, stress, pain, medication, toxins from infection... It causes anxiety, restlessness, clouding of consciousness, nightmares, hallucinations, disorientation, agitation." said Kate. "Fuck... as if she hadn't been through enough" said Lindsey shaking her head. "I know... Just keep doing what you're doing guys... Just comfort her. Calming words, physical touch... Oh and I think it's a good idea if all of you go for trauma counselling. ALL of you" said Kate.

"We're almost ready for you Tegan... So, we're doing aBronchoscopy – looking at the inside of your lungs and then your vocal chords. It's all pretty routine Tegan. We're doing this under anaesthetic in the OR, I don't want you going through more trauma than you need to. I'm going to scrub in. Abby will bring you to the OR in a few minutes. Don't worry okay, I've got you" said Kate before leaving the room. Tegan looked pale. "I... I'm so scared Linds" whispered Tegan with her eyes closed. "Not of the procedure... of what they'll find" she said. Lindsey just stroke her face softly "It's alright baby... shhh" she said. "You'll be okay Tegan... whatever they find... you're so strong. You'll be okay. We'll deal with this together okay..." said Sara loudly. Tegan just nodded and stayed quiet. "Love you guys" she whispered just before she was rolled out of her room.

Kate looked at the people in the room all anxiously waiting on news after Tegan's procedure. "We saw what we needed to... she's in post-op, she's okay but she didn't cope very well with the anaesthetic at all and she had some breathing and blood pressure problems. We just gently assisting her breathing with a cpap machine right now." said Kate. "But she's okay? Tell me she's fine please?" asked Lindsey looking scared. "She's okay guys... but we're going to keep her in post-op for a few hours to make sure her pressure is okay and to get her conscious again" said Kate. "So... what did you see down there?" asked Sara. Kate sighed, "as suspected, there is some damage. However, I don't think it's permanent damage. The specialist agrees. She just needs to give it time. And she needs complete vocal rest for a few weeks. But I'm happy to report that the vocal chords probably won't be the biggest hurdle in her recovery" smiled Kate.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Tegan woke up with a massive headache, her throat was on fire, the room was spinning and she felt nauseous. Something on her face seemed to be pushing air into her lungs. It felt weird. Tegan gave into it, she felt weak... tired... she slipped away again briefly before waking up extremely nauseous. She opened her eyes and saw Lindsey and Kate looking concerned. "Easy Tegan, we're taking the mask off, hang on" said Kate. A mere second after the mask came off Tegan turned her head and vomited all over her bed. She coughed as some of it entered her airway. "Suction please, now!" screamed Kate. "It's okay Tee, just a side effect of the anaesthesia – you're okay". A suction tube was pushed down Tegan's throat and she felt scared and confused. Tears were rolling down her face and it killed Lindsey. She just couldn't stand seeing Tegan in pain or scared.

During the next few days it became clear that Tegan still had a long journey to recovery ahead of her. She slept most of the day only to be interrupted by physical therapy sessions and brief visits by her nearest and dearest. She diligently did all her lung exercises and she only whispered when she was awake since she was on strict vocal rest. Sara and Erin were both making great progress though. Both were soon ready to be moved to a normal room soon leaving Tegan alone in ICU once again. Tegan was starting to feel a bit sorry for herself... being the only one still stuck in ICU. The only one still connected to all these machines... she was starting to become despondent very fast. She was lying on her side staring out in front of her when Sara sat down next to her bed. She was still in a hospital gown and clutching an IV stand but she was walking quite comfortably. She sat down next to Tegan's bed, Tegan didn't stir. "Tee... how're you feeling" said Sara. "Okay... actually... Like crap..." whispered Tegan softly still staring at the same spot. "Yeah? Tegan... they tell me that you're not eating?" said Sara. Tegan didn't say anything. "I know you're tired Tee, and I know you're fucking fed up with being in ICU but you need to eat" said Sara. "Not hungry" whispered Tegan and closed her eyes. "I don't care if you're hungry Tee... force yourself... Tegan, open your eyes and look at me... look at me!" said Sara sternly. "Tegan!" she repeated. Tegan opened her eyes and turned to look at her sister without a word "Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you anywhere Tegan... come on man... you've gotten this far now fucking keep working! Kick this thing in the ass man" said Sara. "You don't think I'm trying?!" whispered Tegan, suddenly looking upset, her bottom lip started quivering. "I know you're trying Tee, I know... and I know this is so, so hard but not eating... that means you're not trying hard enough..." said Sara firmly. She hated being this tough with Tegan but it needed to be done. "I'm doing the best I can Sara... go away.. go" she said and turned her head. "Don't strain your voice Tegan!" said Sara. "What does it matter... I'm fucked in anyway..." said Tegan loudly, tears now streaming down her face. "Don't say that Tegan... Don't you dare say that! If you don't eat they will put that feeding tube down your nose again Tee, and that's just the start of it... so please... please Tegan just eat something... just try. Try for me... Let's get you out of here and healthy for your babies Tee" said Sara softly taking Tegan's hand. "Sar... what if I can't sing again... will..." tears were spilling from Tegan's eyes again, "will you... hate me... if I ruin your career... if I.." Tegan was cut off by Sara. "What the fuck Tee... I can never, ever hate you...I love you no matter what... I don't care if we never sing again... I just want you to be okay... that's all... I know you can get through this... Just don't give up because that's the only way I'd ever be disappointed in you Tee... if you give up... If you don't try..." said Sara now also crying. "You're not a quitter Tegan... We're gonna get through this together okay. We're gonna help you get through this. I believe in you Tegan... But YOU have to keep believing"

A few hours later nurse Abby walked in with a tray of unappetising food. Lindsey looked at Tegan fully expecting the usual struggle to get her to open her mouth. Tegan looked at her and the one corner of her mouth lifted. "Mmm looks good" she smiled and lifted her eyebrow. Lindsey's face lit up. Tegan almost vomited a few times but she somehow managed to keep most of the little bit of food she could manage inside. "I deserve that jello..." she said looking tired. "You can have as much jello and dessert as you like as long as you keep eating okay" said Abby. Tegan felt the cool jello sooth her sore throat. Kate walked into the room looking stressed. She just came out of a gruelling surgery. The expression on her face changed suddenly as she saw that at least some of the food on Tegan's plate was gone. "You're eating! Wow! Nice! I'm gonna make sure we get you a really nice treat from your favourite restaurant in a few days, just keep eating Tee" she said as she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her upper arm. Tegan smiled weakly "Remember Doc... you and me... we're singing Springsteen soon... you better start practicing..." she smiled._ Aaaand she's back_ thought Kate and smiled.

Days later Tegan was moved to high-care. It was more of a mental victory than anything else as she was still being monitored 24/7 and still had pretty much all her IVs and tubes in. "I need my guitar... I really need my guitar" she said to Lindsey. In the last few days she was allowed to start talking again softly. Another Laryngoscopy, this time without anaesthesia to avoid the nasty side effects showed that her vocal chords were healing well. "Sweetie... I don't know... I don't think you should be singing yet and they're not going to let you play in here?" said Lindsey "Play what" said Kate walking in. "Guitar... I have a song in my head and I need to get it on paper at least. I won't sing I promise" said Tegan. "Well maybe you can hum a bit" smiled Kate. Lindsey brought Tegan's guitar in and she tinkered with it only when nobody was in the room with her. This song seemed to be a big secret, something Tegan was obsessed with, something that kept her mind occupied.

_A/N: I'll try and post another chapter tonight but first I have to go deal with real life. Remember, reviews make me post faster! _


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

A few weeks later Tegan was sitting on the side of a hospital bed fully clothed. Her legs were hanging down the side and she had both her hands on Lindsey's ever expanding belly. Lindsey's arms were around Tegan's neck. "I'm so incredibly proud of you my brave, beautiful angel" said Lindsey. Tegan looked so much better. She was super skinny but the colour had returned to her face and she was slowly picking up weight again. It took extensive physical therapy for Tegan to start moving again. They eventually removed her catheter and some of the wires and tubes so she was allowed to finally get up and go to the bathroom on her own. It had been a difficult few weeks. Tegan made a slow but steady recovery. It wasn't easy and Tegan shed some tears of frustration so many times. She was still weak and needed assistance walking and bathing but she was getting stronger every day and both Kate and Arizona felt that it was important for her emotional state to get her home soon. They were happy with her progress. Kate made sure that Tegan would receive excellent home care. She knew that she would probably be providing most of that home care herself since she was forced to take a few weeks off and to get out of the hospital after hardly ever leaving it for three months. She knew she needed it. She planned on lying next to Alex's pool most of the day – sleeping or reading. She was happy to agree to stay at Alex and Erin's house for the next week or two keeping an eye on her patients. The last of Tegan's IVs were finally removed an hour ago after she underwent half a day of scans and tests to ensure that she was okay to go home. Lindsey helped her get dressed only to find that her really skinny jeans were hanging like a bag. She pulled the belt tight to keep her pants up "I can't wait to fatten you up baby, especially since I'm getting fatter and fatter" she smiled. "I love you fat" said Tegan rubbing Lindsey's belly and biting Lindsey's bottom lip playfully. "You ready to get out of here?" whispered Lindsey looking into Tegan's eyes. "As ready as I'll ever be, can't wait" she said with her forehead on Lindsey's. "Lindsey, I know I say this a million times a day but I love you... God I love you so much. I can't imagine my life without you ever. You pulled me through this..." said Tegan softly before kissing Lindsey tenderly.

Emy had rented a property in the Hollywood Hills for her and Sara. Alex and Tom made sure they had 24/7 hard core protection. The place the rented would open up in two weeks and they were staying with Erin and Alex in the meantime. Numerous guards were following them everywhere. Sara and Erin felt safe but they were both still having nightmares. They were both working through it in therapy with Arizona. So was Tegan, she seemed to be getting over her nightmares and anxiety slowly. As she was sitting with her head on Lindsey's shoulder she was a bit apprehensive to leave the hospital, she didn't know what to expect. Tegan refused to go back to their house after what happened to Sara and Erin. Sara did too, she asked Tom to go collect all her things from Tegan's house and bring them to her. Sara never wanted to see that house again. Lindsey agreed and they were house hunting as well as one could from a hospital room. In the meantime they were invited to stay in Erin's pool house, her pool house was a gorgeous 3 bedroom mansion and there was more than enough space for her and Lindsey and for the next few days only, her mom. Sonia decided to stay just a few more days to make sure Tegan's okay at home before going back to Canada. She had to get back soon because the school she was working at could not keep her job open for her much longer. Tegan was nowhere near 100% yet and she knew that there was a LOT of hard work ahead of her but she felt she was making such amazing progress and she finally started seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Sara was sitting in the waiting area, they had been briefed on the security procedure of Tegan leaving the hospital. Which exit would be used, which cars. The press statement... so much red tape to get out of here thought Sara. It was a harrowing few months and Sara was so relieved to finally be moving on.

"How's my favorite patient? You ready to get out of here superstar?" asked Kate. "You tell me doc" said Tegan motioning to the stack of test results in Kate's hands. Kate smiled her stunning and comforting smile "I think so! You still need to take it easy though but I'll be around to keep an eye on you. There will be some follow up visits to the hospital. Some scans to keep checking that you stay on track. The physical therapy will continue at home, lucky for you everybody is more than happy to make house calls when that house belongs to a superstar..." smiled Kate. "Thank you Katy... Where would we be without you. How can I ever thank you enough or repay you... You saved my life. You're my hero! I love you." said Tegan with tears in her eyes. "Just doing my job Tee. I'm so proud of you buddy. Love you so much... Let's get these papers signed and get you out of here"


	54. Chapter 54

_A/N: I'm back from my break. Here's a quick chapter. Not a particularly exciting one either but it's an important one for Tegan. Sorry there's not more but work's killin' me right now. I'll try and update again soon. Review please._

**Chapter 54**

An orderly walked into Tegan's room with a wheel chair. "I'm not going in that" said Tegan sternly. "Sorry, hospital policy. Just up to the door" said Kate. Tegan sighed and was helped into the chair. The orderly pushed her into the the waiting area of the hospital to a loud applause from her friends and family. She smiled shyly "You guys... I'm sure there's better places to hang out than this! It's been real but let's roll"

The orderly pushed Tegan towards the elevator that would take them to the basement parking lot. "Wait..." said Tegan. "I want to walk out of the front door... I'm not ducking out through the basement. There are people out there who supported me through all this and... I'm proud to be walking out... so please can we change our plans?" said Tegan. "Ummm are you sure Tegan? It's madness out there" said Sonia. "I need to do this please mom" said Tegan. Sara sighed and shook her head. "Tom, can you please organize that the car picks up Tegan out front" she said. "It will take a few minutes but sure... do you want to say something when you get out there Tegan" he asked. "I don't know... ummm... maybe... I'll play it by ear I guess" she said. "When you get out there make it quick please, you need to take it easy... and no hugging of fans or even shaking hands or anything. We can't afford you picking up any germs now and who knows what's floating around out there" said Kate looking annoyed with Tegan's decision.

Tegan was pushed to the large front entrance. It was made of glass and she could see the gathering crowd of fans and media outside. Her family and friends followed close behind. She sat in the chair quietly for a few minutes until Tom informed them that they were ready with the car and the PA system outside. Tegan breathed in deeply through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. "Let's do this" she said. Lindsey helped her up and held her in her arms and put her forehead against Tegan's. "You ready baby?" she asked. "Yeah... I think so" said Tegan quietly. Camera's were already clicking outside although you could barely make out what was going on inside through the reflective glass. Lindsey put her arm around Tegan's waist and Sara took her other arm in hers for support. The door opened and they walked into the bright LA afternoon sun. Tegan squinted as they slowly made their way forward. "Don't let me fall" whispered Tegan. "Never!" smiled Sara. "We've got you Teetee. One foot in front of the other"

They reached some chairs in front of a table set up for a press conference. Fans were screaming hysterically. Camera's were clicking and press members tried to bully their way past the many security guards. Tegan's legs felt wobbly from the adrenaline rush and she sat down. She smiled and waved a weak wave. Media were already screaming questions at her. She felt overwhelmed and regretted her decision to use the front entrance. "It's okay babe, do you want to go right away? You really don't need to talk to them" asked Lindsey into her ear. "No... I have some things I need to say" said Tegan and looked at Sara. "Sar... you need to help me..." said Tegan looking scared. Sara sat down at the second microphone and started speaking "Thanks for coming out everybody... we really appreciate it. As you can see, Tegan's doing great and she would like too say something" said Sara. Her hand was still in a cast but her bruises had faded and she looked healthy. The media went nuts and were shouting questions at Tegan, Sara, Alex, Erin and anybody that looked remotely famous. "Shhh... everybody just shut up for a second... please guys give Tegan a chance" said Sara loudly. The crowd quieted down a bit and Tegan leaned forward.

"Hi... I... I was about to leave the hospital through the basement parking when I realized that I needed to come out here... I wanted to walk out here" said Tegan into the microphone. The crowd was suddenly completely silent. "It's been a rough couple of months for all of us... my family and friends have been through hell" she said pointing at her support group to the right. She was speaking much softer than usual and seemed tired and winded. "I... at some stage I didn't think I was going to make it through this... but somehow I did... and I give all the credit to firstly my amazing... incredible support structure. The love of my life... Lindsey, my incredible parents, my friends, especially Erin and Alex and of course my partner in crime... always there for me... my sister Sara... Every single minute one of them were next to my bed... holding my hand... talking me through this. Every time I woke up I saw one of their beautiful faces. They were tired, they were scared but they never left. I wanted to give up so many times but they pulled me through and I'm so grateful for their incredible love and support. I love you guys so much... and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done. For every minute you spent right next to me... days... nights... you never let me fall and I will be eternally grateful to you. I love you more than words can ever say" Tegan was tearing up fast and she wiped some tears away with the back of her hand. She looked over to the people she cared most for in the world and her heart ached with love. They were all smiling. Erin put her healthy hand over her mouth and blew her a kiss, her other arm was still in a cast and sling. Sara took her hand and squeezed it. Lindsey had her hand on Tegan's shoulder and rubbed it. Tegan put her hand on Lindsey and looked up at her smiling face and it made her feel calm. "Then to the incredible, dedicated, talented, caring medical team that saved my life. To every single one of you I say thank you. You were amazing and I'm in awe of what you do every day. Every single one of is a hero! Thank you, thank you, thank you. How will I ever be able to thank you enough..." Tegan was starting to sound a bit weaker but managed to keep her pose quite well. "I want to give a special shout out to my primary physician... She has barely left the hospital since I got here. She's so dedicated... so talented, compassionate and wonderful... Dr Kate Morgan... you're phenomenal. And you're an amazing friend too... I'm sure I wasn't the most easy or pleasant patient at times but you stuck with me... and you never stopped fighting for me... ever..." Tears were now flowing freely. Kate was leaning casually against a wall and gave Tegan the coolest little peace sign and smile. It made Tegan giggle and relieved some of her anxiety. "And lastly... to the best fans in the world. Your letters, your gifts, your tweets, your emails... facebook messages... they got me through some dark days and I want you guys to know that we care for you... Sara and I appreciate you so, so much. Thank you so much for your love and support... It means so, so much to us. Apparently I have a bit of work to do first but I promise you we'll be back... I cannot wait to start making music again" she smiled. The fans went nuts. "Thank you to those members of the media that gave us some space during this time. I want to appeal to you to please just give us some time to get back on our feet. I guarantee you we'll be doing nothing interesting during the next few weeks so really... don't bother trying to report anything" giggled Tegan. "I'm going home now with the people I love most...my family and friends, thank you again..." said Tegan and moved to get up. The media were screaming more questions, some of them directed at Sara and Erin. Tegan seemed overwhelmed. Sara seemed to be losing her cool "Guys... everybody... shh" she said. "Yes... you've all had confirmation that Erin and I had a... a situation. We have put out a statement. Now... Firstly, we don't want to talk about that right now and secondly we can't since this is an ongoing investigation. But we thank you for your support and we would appreciate it if you could drop it for now... thanks" said Sara looking super annoyed and helped Tegan get up.

A frail looking Tegan walked towards the car supported by Lindsey and Sara. She waved at some fans and got into the Jeep with tinted windows. Lindsey slid in next to her and closed the door. "Let's get out of here please" said Tegan. The entourage followed in other cars. Tegan put her head on Lindsey's shoulder "It's over baby... it's over" she whispered. "I love you" whispered Tegan with her eyes closed. She was still on a bit of an adrenaline high but felt tired. The events of the day so far completely overwhelmed her and she couldn't wait to get into bed next to her love.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

Tegan's driver seemed to take all the slowest routes to Erin's house but she didn't even notice. She was safe and happy in her lover's arms. She had her head on Lindsey's shoulder and her hand on her belly. She breathed in her familiar scent and could hear her slow and steady heartbeat under her ear.

Paparazzi were already crowding the entrance of the house, seemingly not heeding Tegan's call for privacy. Erin's house was super private and pap proof though and them being outside didn't even remotely bother Tegan. Lindsey helped Tegan out of the car and led her by the hand into the house. They were greeted by more applause from her loved ones, balloons and signs that read "Welcome home Tegan". Everybody took turns to embrace Tegan and she could hardly contain her emotions. "I'm sorry that you can't go to your own home Tegan but you know that this is your home too right" said Erin hugging her best friend tight. "I know Erin... thank you for having us." said Tegan, emotion now breaking in her voice. "You are always welcome here Tee, this is your home" said Erin. "Home is wherever you guys are" smiled Tegan. Champagne bottles were popped open and the celebrations started. Tegan felt a bit wobbly and sat down on one of Erin's beautiful couches like a nervous child. Sara was staring at her from the other side of the room. She noticed again how vulnerable Tegan seemed. She was so childlike. It touched Sara deeply and she walked over and sat down next to Tegan. She put her hand on her thigh and patted it gently. "You okay?" she said softly. "Yeah... just a bit overwhelmed by today but I'm fine" said Tegan. "I'm so happy"

"Well I guess it's the non alcoholic stuff for you" said Sonia. Kate raised an eyebrow, "Oh I guess half a glass of bubbly will be okay... only if you want to Tee" she said. "Oh... okay" said Tegan softly. "Tegan, I know you must be super tired right now... so I gave them an hour max and then you can go get some rest okay. But you just let us know when you want to go, everybody will understand" smiled Kate. She put her hand on Tegan's shoulder and rubbed it.

Sara cleared her throat loudly and banged a cake fork on her glass. Everybody turned to her. "Tegan... I am so delighted to be celebrating your recovery with you today. Your determination, your courage, your bravery, your fighting spirit inspires me every day and I'm so incredibly proud of you" said Sara through her tears. Tegan still sat in the oversized couch looking small, biting her bottom lip. "We are all so blessed to have you in our lives and I am blessed to have you as my twin. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be my partner in this journey of life. So today we celebrate you! Please join me in a toast to the strongest, most incredible person I know. To Tegan!" said Sara and raised her glass. She winked at Tegan as everybody repeated "To Tegan!" Tegan wiped more tears and simply mouthed "Thank you... I love you" to Sara as her friends and family all cheered.

People took turns to sit and chat to Tegan. As soon as she had a moment alone she put her head back and immediately nodded off. The half full glass of champagne still clutched in both her hands. That was everybody's cue to break up the party. "Should I wake her and take her to bed or just leave her for a while" asked Lindsey. "She looks pretty comfortable so let's just leave her" said Kate smiling. Lindsey gently removed the glass from her hands and lay her down on her side as Kate removed her shoes, picked up her legs and put them on the couch. "Sweet dreams my angel" whispered Lindsey and kissed her gently on the forehead. Erin covered her with a blanket. "Welcome back buddy" she said.

Tegan woke up after about an hour of peaceful sleep to find Sara sitting on a chair staring at her. "Hey what happened to the party?" said Tegan softly. "We'll have plenty more parties... you just relax Tegan" said Sara. Lindsey, Erin, Kate and Sonia entered the room. "Let's get you to bed Tegan" said Lindsey. "No... I... I want to hang out here with you guys" objected Tegan. "You've had a rough day Tegan... we can hang out tomorrow. Let's get some dinner into you and get you settled into your new home" said Erin handing Lindsey a plate of food. Tegan managed to eat most of the small plate of food, it tasted a hell of a lot better than the hospital food she was used to. The girls helped her up and led her outside to the pool house. The short, slow walk tired Tegan out and she had sweat beads forming on her nose. Erin showed them around the gorgeous house and hugged Tegan goodnight "If there's anything you need, anything at all, please just call. We're here for you Tegan" she said before she left. Tegan hugged her and turned to Sara "Thank you for today Sar... and for everything" she whispered and hugged Sara goodnight. Kate sat Tegan down on the king size bed and grabbed her medical bag. The room was set up with a few medical supplies in case they needed it. An oxygen tank and a heart monitor were hidden behind a room divider to make it feel more like home and less like a hospital room. Kate wrapped a BP cuff around her upper arm "You did so great today Tegan" she smiled. She listened to her lungs and heart and took her pulse ox. "Good... Everything's just fine. I'll be right in the main house if you need me okay. Call me any time day or night. I'll be back to check on you in the morning anyway. Have a good night guys. Lindsey, take care of her! Enjoy each other" said Kate as she packed her bag. "Thank you Kate... I owe you... big time" smiled Tegan. Sonia decided to retire to her room immediately. She sensed that Tegan and Lindsey needed some time alone and she was desperate for a shower and some sleep. "Goodnight sweetie, I'm proud of you... I love you so much" she said as she hugged Tegan goodnight.


	56. Chapter 56

_A/N: Spoiling you with two chapters tonight. Remember to review - please!_

**Chapter 56**

Lindsey closed the door and smiled "Finally... just you and me baby. Do you want to take a nice hot bath before bed?" she asked. "That sounds amazing" said Tegan as she got up. "No... you relax... I'll get everything ready for you" said Lindsey. "It's okay I can..." Tegan got cut off by Lindsey. "Let me do this for you Tegan, let me take care of you" she said. "I should be taking care of you" protested Tegan. "Oh you will, in a few months... but right now It's all about you sweetie... all about you" said Lindsey and leaned in to kiss Tegan tenderly but briefly on the lips.

Tegan lay back and tried to process the events of the day. Lindsey was back soon and gently started to undress Tegan. She removed her socks and unbuckled her belt and jeans. She moved up to her shirt and slowly unbuttoned it. Tegan sat up and felt Lindsey gently slide the shirt off her shoulders. Lindsey's expert hands made their way to her back to undo her bra. Tegan was turned on immediately and put her head in Lindsey's neck and started kissing it softly. "Easy Romeo... it's bath time first" said Lindsey playfully before kissing Tegan on her cheek. Tegan got up and huffed frustrated. Lindsey slid down Tegan's jeans and put her thumbs into Tegan's panties and pulled them down. Tegan suddenly felt so vulnerable yet so safe at the same time. She put her arms around Lindsey and pulled her close. Lindsey held Tegan's naked, skinny body in her arms and rubbed her back before leading her into the large en-suite bathroom. The bathroom was dimly lit by lots of candles. Tegan was still weak and Lindsey helped her into the very large, oval bath filled with sweet smelling bubbles. Tegan lay back and closed her eyes. "Please join me Linds" she asked shyly. Lindsey didn't reply but started undressing. Her eyes never leaving Tegan. Tegan opened her eyes and took in Lindsey's beautiful body. Her pregnant belly was now clearly showing. "My God you're gorgeous..." whispered Tegan. Lindsey got into the tub and slowly sat down between Tegan's legs. She leaned back against her and felt Tegan's pubic hair tickle her lower back. "I've missed this so much" she smiled. Tegan put her arms around Lindsey's shoulders she gently rubbed her arms. Her hands made their way to Lindsey's breasts. Lindsey's nipples responded immediately to Tegan's touch and stood erected between her fingers. "Oooo I like this new pregnant body" giggled Tegan as she gently rubbed Lindsey's now ample breasts. "I knew you would Romeo" teased Lindsey. Tegan's hands made their way down to Lindsey's belly. They moved in circular motions on her soft skin. "Hey kids..." said Tegan and giggled again. "I still can't believe we're going to be parents" said Lindsey with her head on Tegan's bony shoulder. "I know... I'm the luckiest girl alive" smiled Tegan and nuzzled Lindsey's neck. They lay in silence for a few minutes. Tegan sat up as her hands made their way between Lindsey's legs. She gently caressed Lindsey's clit as she kissed her neck more passionately. Lindsey responded immediately to Tegan's familiar, expert touch. She threw her head back and started breathing heavily. Tegan continued to gently rub Lindsey's eager clit. It didn't take much for Lindsey to come and she threw her head back again "Yes... baby... yes" she said loudly.

Lindsey took a few minutes to regain her breath, so did Tegan. The little bit of excursion winded her and she felt tired but happy. Lindsey turned around and gently lay the front of her body on Tegan's in the deep, full tub, careful not to hurt her. Tegan felt Lindsey's knee between her legs and felt her own body respond to her touch. Lindsey's hand made it's way up to Tegan's breasts. She moved gently over the chest tube scars and cupped her breasts with her hands. Tegan's weight loss meant that her boobs were smaller than Lindsey remembered but they were lovely and firm and she took Tegan's eager nipple into her mouth, she held it gently between her teeth and let her tongue move over it softly. A soft moan escaped Tegan's lips. Lindsey gently sucked her nipple before moving over to the other side. Tegan felt as if she was in heaven. Lindsey's body on top of hers in the warm water made all her dulled out senses feel alive again. Lindsey slowly and gently made her way down to Tegan's clit to return the favour. Tegan was panting "Is this okay baby, are you okay?" whispered Lindsey. "Yes... don't stop... please" whispered Tegan. Lindsey slowed down "Please babe... don't stop..." begged Tegan. Lindsey seemed apprehensive. "You won't break me... I promise" whispered Tegan. Lindsey sped up rubbing Tegan's clit between her fingers. "I want you inside me baby" whispered Tegan on the verge of orgasm. She felt Lindsey's two fingers slide into her and move up and down gently but sensually. Water was splashing everywhere. Tegan's breathing quickened and her muscles tightened around Lindsey's fingers. Lindsey's thumb continued to massage Tegan's clit and whispered out of breath "yes... I'm coming" She experienced one of the most magical climaxes she could remember and felt her body relax under Lindsey's hands. "Fuck... thank you baby... I needed that more than you can imagine" she smiled and took Lindsey's face in both her hands. She looked into her eyes "I love you Lindsey" she whispered before pulling her face to hers. She was still out of breath but kissed Lindsey passionately. They're tongues dancing until Tegan had to surface for air. She gasped and then giggled. "I've missed this so much. Thank you... for making me feel alive again" she smiled as Lindsey put her head on her shoulder.

Lindsey could hear Tegan's fast but regular heartbeat and she felt warm tears roll down her cheeks. Relief flooded over her... _She's back... my Tegan is back..._ It took a while of lying in each other's arms but Tegan's pulse slowed back to normal. Let's get you cleaned up and in bed" said Lindsey sweetly. "I want more and I think you do to but... my gosh I'm knackered" smiled Tegan. Lindsey moved in behind Tegan and opened the sprayer to wet her hair. She gently and sensually washed Tegan's hair before moving on to her body. "Best bath I've ever had" giggled Tegan as Lindsey helped her exhausted body up out of the water. Lindsey made Tegan sit on the side of the bath as she dried her off, helped her up and wrapped her in a soft, warm bathrobe. She brought over her electronic toothbrush. Tegan tried to take it from her but Lindsey refused and continued to brush Tegan's teeth, and moisturize her face. She blow dried her hair, led her to the bed and gently rubbed lotion into her whole body. Tegan felt sleepy, the events of the day, the warm water and the fun in the bath exhausted her. She felt herself drift off only to be nudged awake again by Lindsey standing over her naked with a glass of water and a hand full of pills. "Sorry to kill the mood but you need to take your pills" she smiled and leaned down to kiss Tegan. "I can't get enough of you" she whispered. Tegan swallowed the heap of pills and patted the bed next to her. "PJ's?" asked Lindsey. "Don't be ridiculous" giggled Tegan. Lindsey covered Tegan's naked body and got into bed behind her. She moved her body to connect with Tegan's. She put her one arm under Tegan's neck and the other around her fragile body. "You are so perfect Tegan... I love you... I was so scared I was gonna lose you" she whispered. "Nope... I'm not going anywhere" whispered Tegan sleepily and pulled Lindsey's arm tighter around her waist.


	57. Chapter 57

_A/N: What's up with the lack of reviews last night guys? Hope you're still enjoying the story?_

**Chapter 57**

Sara was lying in Emy's arms after a night of the hottest sex she'd ever experienced. "Emy..." she whispered in the dark. "Yeah sweetie" said Emy back. "You're amazing... thank you for being here with me... I never want to be without you again" said Sara. "And you won't my love, ever again..."

Tegan woke up after the best night's sleep she'd had in months. She yawned and stretched as she listened to the early morning tweets of the birds outside. "Hey you..." said Lindsey kissing her hand softly. "Did you sleep well?" she asked. "Hi... Amazing... you?" said Tegan. "That's great. I slept okay I guess... it was kinda weird not to hear the constant beeping of a heart monitor though... So I had my hand on your chest all the time" said Lindsey slightly embarrassed. "Oh Linds... I'm okay... I really am... what can I do to make you worry less. You need to get some rest you've had such a crazy few months baby" said Tegan concerned. "I know... I'll sleep better tonight" she said. "But it was so frikken awesome to hold you in my arms the whole night. I've missed you so much" she said before playfully nibbling Tegan's ear. "When's your next appointment with Dr Montgomery?" asked Tegan. "Tomorrow afternoon" replied Lindsey. "I can't wait for a picture of my kids, do you think we'll be able to tell the sex yet?" asked Tegan. "I don't know, what do you want it to be?" said Lindsey. "Mmmm. I don't really care. As long as they're healthy with ten fingers and ten toes" smiled Tegan. "I'm getting us some tea and coffee. Do you want breakfast in bed or do you want to go up to Erin's for breakfast" asked Lindsey. "I'm so sick of beds! Let's go up to Erin's" said Tegan. "But let's just cuddle for a while... I want you plastered to me as long as possible" laughed Tegan. "Sure babe, you can glue yourself as soon as I get some coffee in me" said Lindsey.

Lindsey headed to the kitchen and Tegan lay in bed with her torso naked and her hands behind her head. "Hey sweetie" Tegan hear Sonia's voice behind the door and swiftly pulled the covers over her naked body. She blushed as Sonia entered the room. "Morning mom..." she said embarrassed. "Did you sleep well Tee?" asked Sonia sitting on the bed next to her. "Yeah really, really well for the first time in ages" reported Tegan. "Well it looks like you enjoyed being back in bed with Lindsey" winked Sonia. "Moooom... really..." blushed Tegan. "Oh come on we're all adults here" said Sonia. "No mom... no... don't go there..." giggled Tegan. "Anyway... apparently the physical therapist will be here at 9 so you better not play honeymoon for too long. I'm going for a walk." Sonia left as Lindsey entered with two cups. Tegan was relieved to see that she was wearing a robe. "Oh good you're covered up... Jeez... my mom can be so embarrassing sometimes. And she gets up really early" giggled Tegan. "Well I hope we didn't keep her awake last night" smiled Lindsey as she pulled the covers off Tegan's chest and put her hands on her breasts. "Morning breath" mumbled Tegan as Lindsey's face came closer to hers. "I don't care... I'll take any kind of breath... just happy you're breathing" smiled Lindsey and kissed Tegan's lips softly.

Just before breakfast Kate came to the pool house to examine Tegan who was already dressed in tights and a t-shirt, ready for her therapy session. "BP's a bit low this morning... you feeling a dizzy at all?" she asked. "No... just a bit weak still but not more than yesterday" reported Tegan. "Let's see what your fasting blood glucose is doing" said Kate as she pricked Tegan's finger and put a drop of her blood in a little machine to analyze it. "Mmm, it's low. Let's get you some breakfast and we'll check again. I'm sure you're just hungry" she smiled but her head made up a dozen of nasty scenarios. She silently scolded herself for being so paranoid. Kate tested her blood sugar again after breakfast and was relieved to see that it at least went up. It was still low but it was more acceptable. "You need to make sure you snack during the day please, and drink lots of fluids please" said Kate, wondering if it was a good idea to release Tegan from the hospital.

Tegan had a busy morning with an exhausting and extremely frustrating physical therapy session followed by numerous lung exercises throughout the day. She was sleeping for most of the afternoon but forced herself up to spend some time with her parents, Sara, Emy, Alex and Erin. Ted and the rest of the band dropped by for a visit and Tegan was ready for bed again before it was even dark outside. She wanted so bad to make love to Lindsey but she was completely drained and fell asleep before she could even take a shower.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

The next afternoon Lindsey and Tegan was sitting waiting in Dr Montgomery's office. Tegan looked pale and tired after another busy morning. Lindsey and Kate wanted her to stay home to take a nap but Tegan insisted on joining Lindsey for the check up. Leaving the house and getting into the hospital was a difficult task even with 5 bodyguards joining them. Paparazzi were still everywhere and Tegan silently wondered whether the news tonight would speculate on Tegan's health with her being back at the hospital so soon after her release. She clutched Lindsey's hand tightly and tried to still her mind. She was tired but excited.

Lindsey and Tegan stared at the monitor as Adison squirted some gel on Lindsey's stomach and stated rolling the ultrasound around. "There they are! Look at how much they've grown!" exclaimed Tegan. "Yes, they're about the size of two apples now" said Adison and she pointed out arms, legs, ears, noses. Tegan felt a tear roll down her face and she kissed Lindsey on the cheek. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" said Tegan in awe. "You guys want to know the sex?" asked Adison. "Yeah! If you can tell" said Tegan. "Well it could still be a bit early and also it depends on how modest they are. They could be hiding the goods" said Adison. "Their mother is a rock star... I doubt they'll be shy" giggled Lindsey. "Okay let's have a look. Baby number one is... ahhh there we go, look at that... it's a girl" smiled Adison. Tegan and Lindsey smiled broadly. "I've always wanted a little girl" said Tegan. "And your little girl is going to have a... come on baby don't hide from us now..." Tegan swallowed hard and waited as Adison tried to get a better angle. "Ahh... She's already sitting on her brother's head" smiled Adison. "It's a boy?" asked Lindsey. "Yep, there's the penis" said Adison. "Yes! Perfect... this is so perfect... I love you mommy" said Tegan looking into Lindsey's eyes.

Tegan and Lindsey was sitting in Adison's office again holding hands as they waited for Lindsey's blood test results. "Okay guys, bloods are back and I'm happy to report that everything looks just fine" said Adison sitting down. "I want you to take it easy though Lindsey. Get lots of rest please. Try not to get worked up about anything... I want your BP stable. I don't want another scare" said Adison. The smile disappeared from Tegan's face and she looked as if she'd seen a ghost. "What do you mean another scare" she asked. "Tegan... I... you were so sick and they told us not to upset you" stuttered Lindsey. "What happened" said Tegan glaring at Lindsey. Adison could see Lindsey tear up and proceeded to tell Tegan everything that happened. How Lindsey almost lost the babies while Tegan was unconscious and how she was now absolutely fine. "I'm sorry Lindsey, I thought she knew" said Adison. Tegan's tears were now flowing freely. The ripped her hand out of Lindsey's in anger. "Why didn't you tell me... why..." she said looking upset. "Baby... they told us not to upset you under any circumstances... and since then... I don't know I haven't had the heart to..." whispered Lindsey. Tegan got up looking upset and angry "Thank you Dr Montgomery. We'll see you soon for the next check-up. I'll see you in the car Lindsey" she said as she glared at her.

Lindsey came jogging up behind Tegan who was weakly walking back to the car. "Tegan! Tegan please... look at me... Tegan!" she begged. Tegan stopped and turned around. "Not now... not here" she said and continued to walk towards the basement parking lot. She felt winded and tired but the adrenaline rush kept her going. She got into the car and slammed the door. "Give us a minute please" said Lindsey to the driver and security guard as she closed the door. They got out and closed the doors behind them. "I'm sorry Tegan... we couldn't tell you in the hospital and since then... well I didn't want to ruin your happy day yesterday and... I'm sorry... I should have told you earlier" she said. Tegan was still fuming and looking out of the door with her fist in front of her mouth. "I'm not some fragile thing you need to protect Lindsey... I would have been fine. I'm disappointed and angry I'm not gonna lie. But I'm happy everything's fine. Can we go now please. I want to get home" said Tegan. Lindsey waved the driver over and he got in and started driving. Lindsey could see tears rolling down Tegan's face. She put her hand over Tegan's but she yanked it away without a word and folded it over her waist. Not a word further was said on the ride home.

As soon as the car stopped in front of the house Tegan got out, not waiting for Lindsey or the guard to help her. She walked towards the house and felt dizzy but she always felt dizzy when she got this angry. She shoved the door open and wordlessly walked past Sara, Emy, Kate, Erin and Sonia sitting in the living room. "How'd it go Tegan?" asked Sara. Tegan glared at her. Her nostrils started flaring in anger. "Tegan?" said Sonia. "Is everything okay?" Tegan stopped and looked at them. "You... you didn't tell me..." she muttered. "Tell you what Tegan?" said Sara. "That Lindsey almost lost the babies... that... that" stuttered Tegan looking pale. Her chin started quivering with emotion. "Sweetie... shhh... just calm down please Tegan" said Lindsey looking concerned. Tegan was breathing heavily as she closed her eyes trying to contain her emotions and get rid of her dizziness. "These are my kids too you know... who do you think you are making the decision on whether or not I should know about their health and safety" screamed Tegan.

She suddenly felt the world spin. Sara and Kate jumped up and ran over to her. "Easy Tegan... sit down please... you need to calm down Tegan... Tegan..." she heard Kate's words grow fainter and felt her legs buckle underneath her. Sara and Kate caught her and lay her down on the couch. "Shit..." exclaimed Sara. "Can somebody grab my medical bag and send somebody to go fetch the oxygen in Tegan's room please" said Kate. She put her fingers on Tegan's neck and felt for a pulse. It was fast, her breathing was shallow and rapid. "Is she okay... Tegan... wake up sweetie" said Sonia panicked. Lindsey was in tears. "Tegan wake up don't do this again please..." she sobbed. Kate repositioned Tegan's head to open her airway and she rubbed her knuckles over Tegan's sternum. Tegan's eyes fluttered open. "There we go Tee" muttered Kate looking relieved. She was on her knees next to the couch and took her stethoscope out of her bag to listen to her heart and lungs. "Tegan just relax. Stay calm please" she said. Lindsey was at Tegan's head holding her face in her hands. Tegan still felt dizzy and the fury she felt earlier came back to her fast. She pushed Lindsey's hand away. Kate quickly put an oxygen mask over her face and instructed her to take long deep breaths. She took her BP, blood sugar and her pulse ox. "Your BP is very low and so is your blood sugar and pulse ox. Relax please! Somebody get her a cookie or something sweet to eat" she said. Lindsey was hysterical. "I'm sorry Tegan" she sobbed. Tegan pushed the mask away. "It's okay... Lindsey... calm down please... I'm sorry for upsetting you... I'm okay just calm down" said Tegan and looked into her eyes. "Please Lindsey... Adison said you shouldn't get worked up" Tegan seemed to be calming down. "Your BP is still too low I'm putting you on drip" said Kate. "Do you really have to" asked Tegan under the mask. "Yes!" said Kate not taking any shit. She inserted the IV and injected something else into it. Tegan assumed it was glucose.

A few minutes later Tegan slowly sat up in the couch and took a sip of tea. The hurt boiled up again. "I just want to know... what else didn't you guys tell me" she asked looking around the room. "Oh and you want us to tell you now after this kind of reaction... " Sara shook her head. "Yes... I'm fine why couldn't you tell me earlier..." asked Tegan looking upset again. "Oh boy here we go again" said Sara. "Piss off Sara" said Tegan glaring at her. Sara stared at Tegan for a minute. "Tegan I don't think you... " she was cut off by Tegan "I don't think YOU..." said Tegan angry. "Tegan... let me talk please... just shut up for a second before Kate sedates you for fuck sakes" said Sara sternly. Tegan took a few deep breaths of the oxygen flowing into her nose through a nasal cannula. "Tegan... I don't think you understand just how sick you were... just how close we came to losing you" said Sara looking upset. "Everything we do we do with your best interest at heart... I need you to know that... I'm sorry you feel betrayed but this happened while we were... taken... Everybody was given strict instructions not to mention it to you... you simply weren't strong enough to handle it. It would have sent you spiraling down and you know it. And yes, we should have told you later on but we didn't want to worry you. You had been through so much already. There was nothing to worry about any more and we knew you would. I'm sorry. But please understand..." said Sara sincerely. "What do you mean how close you came to losing me?" asked Tegan seemingly calming down. Kate had her hands on her hips and shook her head walking towards the window. "You... umm... Tegan... your heart stopped... twice. And it took really long to get you back. I thought we'd lost you. I've never been so scared in my life... and I... none of us wanted to jeopardize your health by... by..." Sara stumbled for words. "I died?... I... died?" asked Tegan looking puzzled. "Fuck... yeah I guess you could have told me that a bit earlier too... but I'm glad you didn't... holy... How? Did I get CPR and stuff? Did you need to use those shock things Kate?" asked Tegan still looking perplexed. Kate turned around to face Tegan. "Yes, numerous times actually..." she said sternly. "How long was I gone?" asked Tegan looking at Kate. "About 3 minutes the first time and almost 10 the second time" said Kate. "It was close Tegan... really close but you came back to us" she smiled. "You got a shock to your system..." said Sara blankly. Tegan laughed... "I guess I've been alive longer than you have now... " shrugged Sara. Tegan swallowed hard "Okay... I'll give you that" she said and motioned a teary Lindsey over and held her in her arms as soon as she sat down next to her. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Linds... I'm a dick..." she whispered. "No your not... I'm sorry baby" said Lindsey. "I'm sorry guys... you did not deserve that temper tantrum... I understand and I guess I would've done the same if it was one of you... And I... I'm sorry for putting you through so much. I can't imagine what you went through" said Tegan as tears welled up again.

Sara walked over holding a book in her hands. She handed Tegan the large, thick journal. "Here you go... it's a journal we wrote for you. It details pretty much everything that happenend. And it's also so fucking fluffy with our poems and letters you may puke but it's yours. It's probably not the best idea to read it right now but you can keep it. Read it when you're ready" said Sara. Tegan put both her palms over her eyes. "Thank you... I feel like such an asshole" she said. "Hey let's drop it... water under the bridge okay" smiled Lindsey. "Looking forward now not backward" said Sonia. Tegan exhaled and closed her eyes. The meds and the drip was starting to make her feel a bit better. Kate wrapped the BP cuff around her arm again. "You going to take it easy now or do I need to book you another hospital room? Because trust me, I will" she said raising her eyebrows. "I promise... I'll take it easy" she said smiling weakly. "Everything went great at the doctors office" smiled Tegan. Who wants to see a pic of our babies. She said pulling the ultrasound image from her pocket and showing it off. Lindsey just sat with her eyes closed and her arms around Tegan. Happy that she was talked down her anger cliff. "It's a girl... and a boy" smiled Tegan and kissed Lindsey's hair. Everybody congratulated them and took turns looking at the pictures. Kate had to explain what was what time and again and everybody pretended to make something out on the blurry images.

_A/N: Tegan! Stop scaring us like that ;) Review please!_


	59. Chapter 59

_A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the lack of updates recently. You've been getting pretty restless! Don't worry I haven't stopped writing! I'm on holiday abroad and I really haven't had any chance to update (I did warn you this was coming though) Going into a pretty relaxed few days so there MAY be some more updates. Don't worry, I'm home in the new year and will update lots then. (I miss it!) Many people have been asking for more Sara and Emy scenes. While I have more planned for them I want to point out that this is primarily a Tegan fanfic so there will be way more about her but I'll see what I can do for all you Sara and Emy fans. By the way, I'm open to suggestions in terms of the story line going further._

**Chapter 59**

The doorbell interrupted the joyful moment of ultrasound photo bragging. Erin looked up perplexed. "Who could this be?" she mumbled after she heard Alex yell "I'll get it" from the next room. A few minutes later he came walking into the living room looking a bit upset. "Erin, Sara can you come with me" he asked. "Why who's at the door?" asked Sara. "It's the cops..." answered Alex softly. "Let them come here we don't have secrets" said Erin and gave a worried smile. "Okay if you're sure" said Alex.

Sara and Erin recognized the two cops as the ones who took their statements when they woke up in the hospital. The one was a hard core looking guy and the other a good looking lady with a soft smile. "Hello ladies, we're so sorry to be bothering you at home but this is quite important" said the guy cop. "How are you all feeling" asked the lady and smiled. "Um... we're okay I guess... casts are coming off next week" said Sara and gave an unenthusiastic smile. "That's good news" the cop smiled. "Ladies, the reason why we're here is that... well.. as you know, we have a suspect in custody and she'd already been denied bail. Case is due to come up in court in a few weeks. However, the suspect claims that she had nothing to do with this. Said she was walking past the hospital on her way to work and shoved into the van by somebody else and tied to the steering wheel. "What the fuck!" exclaimed Sara looking annoyed. "I know, I know..." said the female cop. "She's just trying her luck or giving us shit but if we want this case to be water tight we're going to need the two of you to come and identify the suspect" she said. Erin put her head in her healthy hand and shook it. "And if we don't?" she asked. "If you don't you're still going to have to do it in court" sighed the male cop. "Have you found the place where they kept us yet?" asked Sara. "No, and that makes the case against her pretty weak without you identifying her" said the female cop. "We're working on it... and perhaps if she knows she's been identified she would be more likely to cooperate with us" said the male cop. "Well... I guess we're going to have to do it... let's go Erin" said Sara emotionless. Erin didn't look convinced where she sat with Alex's hand on her back. "I guess..." she mumbled. "You don't have to do it right now, tomorrow morning will be okay" said the lady cop. "No. I want to do it now and get it over with please" said Sara.

"I'm going with you" Tegan piped up. "Oh no no no" said Kate immediately. "I want to go with them... they need support" said Tegan sternly. "Tegan... We really appreciate the gesture and we love you for wanting to come with us but I want you to stay here... Emy and Alex will go with us. It's no big deal, we'll be back in an hour" said Sara. "But... please let me come Sar" said Tegan. Kate turned Tegan's face towards her "Tegan... you're really in no condition to go with them. You really need some rest and we need to let this IV finish. Remember the conversation we had a few minutes ago about your well being please." said Kate with raised eyebrows. "I understand but... I'm not a child..." whispered Tegan feeling so powerless. "Tee... just take it easy please... I know you want to be there for them but I think them knowing that you're safe at home is the best gift right now okay" said Sonia and put her arm around Tegan. "She better not give you shit or I'll rip her in half" said Tegan looking upset. "Or maybe just kill her with a death stare as your ripping skills may be slightly impaired at the moment" said Sara with a giggle trying to lighten the mood. Tegan scoffed. Kate forced Tegan to lie down and put an oxygen mask on her face as Sara and Erin got up to leave. "Feel better soon Tegan" said Erin and smiled at her friend. "Love you" said Tegan with a small wave.

Sara, Emy, Erin and Alex sat in a room at the police station with one way glass looking into another room where the line up would be taking place. Paparazzi followed them all the way to the police station and it was a pretty big circus outside. Sara sat staring out in front of her looking determined. Erin was a mess. She was pale and her hands were clammy. Her heart was beating so fast it felt as if it would jump out of her chest any second. She turned to Sara and whispered. "I'm scared Sar... I'm so scared" she said as tears started to build in her eyes. Sara turned to her and put her hand on her shoulder. "I'm scared too... It's okay. But I'm not going to let her see me scared or upset." she said through clenched teeth. "We'll be ready for you in just a few minutes guys" said a cop as he popped his head around the door. "Nice deep breaths E... we can do this" said Sara and squeezed Erin's hand. Emy put her arm around Sara's shoulder. "You okay sweetie?" she asked. "Yeah... ready as I'll ever be" answered Sara. "I'm right here okay" smiled Emy.

Tegan was still lying on the couch with her head on Lindsey's lap and an oxygen mask on her face. She was exhausted but refused to let herself fall asleep before Sara and Erin came back. "Tegan why don't you try and get some sleep bud" said Kate looking concerned. "No... not now... I want them back first" said Tegan. "You are quite stubborn aren't you?" said Kate. "I'm sorry I'm not trying to be. I just know I won't be able to sleep with them at the police station." said Tegan before Kate put the mask back on her face. "Your pulse ox and BP is coming up nicely. Just try and relax for me. Everything's fine" said Kate and she smiled as she injected something else into the IV.

Sara and Erin was standing with their backs towards the glass as about 8 women walked into the next room. "Remember ladies, don't verbally identify her, just write the number on your piece of paper. They can't see you and they can't hear you. You can see and hear them though" said a cop. Sara breathed fast as she turned around. Her eyes flew across the line of women all more or less the same hight with the same hair colour. She stopped at number 7 and stared at her. She felt Emy's hand on her back and she swallowed hard. She wrote down a number on the paper. Erin slowly and carefully looked at each lady. She felt a rush of blood to her head make her dizzy when she got to number 7. She immediately wrote down a number and turned around into Alex's arms. The cop used his two way radio and instructed the cop in the other room to march them out. Number 7 lurched forward suddenly and banged on the glass looking desperate. Sara and Erin both jumped. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I wish I could change what happened... you didn't deserve that" Sara stared at her emotionless. "Well fuck that... sorry doesn't cut it" she whispered. A cop grabbed Susan and shoved her back in line. "I'm sorry.." she mouthed again. "Can we get out of here please... I can't any more" said Erin looking as if she could throw up any second. "Well done ladies. We'll be in touch about your testimony in court" said the cop as they left the room. Sara hooked her arm into Erin's. They were both shaking. Sara glanced up at Erin who had tears rolling down her face and she felt her own spill over her eyelids.


	60. Chapter 60

A/N: Please remember to review!

**Chapter 60**

Sara felt shaky after her encounter with her capturer. She paced up and down front of the door of police station with her arms in her sides trying to regain her composure. Four security guards joined the group and prepared to lead them to the car. Erin and Alex were reluctantly busy handing out autographs to a group of cops even though Erin looked like she was about to burst out in tears again. "God... can they give her a break!" said Sara looking annoyed. A group of cops and their own personal security guards led them out through a growing group of paps who were all screaming simultaneously at them. Erin walked fast ignoring them completely. Sara had her healthy arm, palm forward out in front of her and looked down as she made her way through the crowd. An overzealous pap jumped right in front of her and shoved his camera in her face. He touched her shoulder to get her attention. Emy lost her cool completely and shoved the bearded man with the camera back hard using both her hands. "Get away from her! Get the fuck away!" she screamed looking mad! "Just doing my job sweetheart. You dykes are quite protective of each other. Which one are you? Let me know when you're ready to be converted." he said taunting her. Emy's face went red and she lurched forward to punch him in the face. This of course got a massive reaction out of the other photographers. Sara and one of the guards grabbed her from behind just in time. "Em... let it go, he's just trying to get a reaction out of you! Don't give him what he wants. I'm okay, calm down" said Sara and took Emy's hand to lead her towards the car. Sara and Emy got into one of the cars and Alex and Erin into the other.

Emy still looked upset and she was breathing fast. "What was that all about?" asked Sara. "You can't let these dicks get to you like that". Emy looked embarrassed. "I forgot how to deal with all this... I'm sorry, I'm not used to people shoving cameras in my girlfriends face and making homophobic comments any more. Maybe I just can't remember but..." Emy got cut off by Sara. "It's like a hundred times worse now than it was when we were together years ago... I know this must be difficult for you Em... You didn't sign up for this" said Sara and looked out of the window. Emy stared at her for a minute. She gently put her palm on Sara's cheek and turned her head towards her. "I signed up for everything about you Sara... good and bad. And you can be sure that if some asshole gets up in my girl's face I'm gonna kick his ass into next Tuesday... well I'm gonna try" Emy laughed and that made Sara giggle too. Emy put her other palm on Sara's cheek and leaned forward. She stopped a few inches away from Sara's face. "Are you okay Sar?" she asked softly. Sara bit her bottom lip and her chin started quivering, she didn't answer. Emy looked at the face in her hands. Sara looked vulnerable, a look that Emy wasn't used to seeing in her girlfriend who is usually so strong. Sara's eyes started filling with tears again. "Don't cry Sara... it's not worth it... It's over. She's never going to hurt you again, I promise" said Emy softly and pulled Sara to her chest. She held her tight and felt Sara's shivers under her hands. "I'm right here baby. Right here. Everything's okay" Emy whispered and kissed Sara's head.

"I need a drink" said Erin walking into the living room where Tegan was still lying on the couch on an IV. Tegan sat up quickly and felt a wave of dizzyness come over her. Kate eyed her with a concerned expression. Tegan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Everything go okay?" she asked. "Well... it's her that's for sure" said Erin sitting down. Sara and Emy walked in "Fuck... that sucked" said Sara as she plonked down next to her sister. "I'm sorry you guys had to go through this... are you okay?" said Tegan sincerely. "Yeah... It's over... I'll tell you about it later but right now I really don't want to talk about it" said Sara and closed her eyes. Sonia put her arms around Sara's neck from behind the couch and gave her a hug. "Proud of you sweetie" she said. Alex poured Lindsey and Tegan some juice and everyone else a glass of red wine. "How are you feeling Teetee?" asked Sara. "I'm okay... better" said Tegan trying to sound convincing. Sara looked at Kate for confirmation. Kate smiled half heartedly. "She's okay Sara, but Tegan, I want you resting for the next day or two. Proper rest, in bed! And I think that goes for you and Erin too Sara. Neither one of you have a squeeky clean bill of health yet and you've had a crazy few days." Nobody seemed to disagree too much with Kate's orders. They all felt exhausted after the last few day's events.

After dinner Tegan said goodnight and got up to go to bed. She barely made it to the door before having to cling to the wall for support. "Dammit, I'm so sick of being sick" she exclaimed. "You're doing well Tegan, it's just gonna take some time, hang in there and try and take it easy" said Kate. "It just feels as if I'm not getting anywhere... I'm so fucking frustrated" sighed Tegan. "Hey Tee, let's jam tomorrow if you're up to it. I think you need your guitar." said Sara. She looked down at her hand, "I'll try my best with this cast... Or I'll just play the bongos" Sara laughed. "Yeah! I'd love that, I really do miss it" smiled Tegan. The mere mention of music changed her mood instantly. "What did I say about rest?!" said Kate. Tegan made a puppy dog face. "Oh alright, maybe a little bit" said Kate. Alex swooped Tegan up in his arms and carried her down to the pool house. "Let's get you to bed kiddo" he said. "Thanks for the lift buddy" smiled Tegan. "I'm organizing you a golf cart tomorrow so you can get around better" said Alex. "But the golf cart won't be as handsome as you. Am I getting too heavy for you?" joked Tegan. "You wish, let's not forget I'm an action hero" said Alex winking. "Three letters Al, CGI" laughed Tegan. Alex rolled his eyes and smiled. "Thank you for taking care of me as always, you're a great friend Alex" said Tegan as he gently put her down on her bed. "No problem Tee. Get some rest I want to see you well soon. Sweet dreams" said Alex before giving Tegan a kiss on the forehead.

_A/N: feedback please! _


	61. Chapter 61

_A/N: Hey guys – I'm back! Remember, feedback and reviews make me write a whole lot faster. Just saying. _

**Chapter 60**

Sara was lying in bed staring out into the darkness in front of her. She could still feel the remains of her earlier adrenaline rush. Her heart was still racing and she felt shaky. Every time she closed her eyes Susan's face appeared. She felt Emy's arm move around her waist. "Are you awake" she whispered. "Yeah..." whispered Sara. Emy turned Sara onto her back and started softly and sensually kissing her neck. Sara didn't respond. Emy slowly made her way down to Sara's breasts and she started softly fondling them. Sara turned her face away and closed her eyes. "What's up Sar?" whispered Emy. "Nothing... I'm... I'm just tired I guess" said Sara. Emy stopped kissing Sara's abs and moved her face up. She kissed Sara's lips sensually and then lay back down on her side. "Don't stop" said Sara. "You're not into it Sar... another night" said Emy. "Yes I am... I..." mumbled Sara. "No... You're not... and I understand that" said Emy with her hands behind her head. "I'm sorry... It's not you... I just need some air. I'm sorry Em..." whispered Sara and got up. Emy switched the bed light on and moved to go with her. "If you don't mind Em... let me go alone" said Sara. Emy lay back down and bit her bottom lip. "You sure you're okay Sara?" she asked. "Yeah. I'm fine. Drop it please!" snapped Sara unnecessarily. Emy rolled her eyes and turned onto her side away from Sara. "Well sorry for caring" she whispered. "Don't do that" said Sara. "Do what" said Emy. "Make me feel guilty for not censoring my emotions" said Sara sounding annoyed. "Sara... you're the only one making yourself feel anything. Just get over yourself please" said Emy. "I... fuck... I don't know what I want" said Sara and shook her head and moved to the side of the bed. She got down on her knees in front of Emy. "I'm sorry baby" she whispered. Emy's eyes remained closed. "Emy... look at me please" she said. Emy opened her eyes and looked at Sara. "I'm sorry... I... I just had a really bad day and... I just need to process it in my head. I'm sorry for taking it out on you. You're amazing and I'm such a fuck up" said Sara. "You're not a fuck up Sara. It's okay. Do what you need to do. I'm here when you need me. I'm willing to deal with your moods. I'm not going anywhere" said Emy. Sara kissed her softly. "Thank you for understanding" she whispered. "I'm going to get some fresh air"

Tegan tried her best to fall asleep but she couldn't. She was tired but she just couldn't seem to doze off. She felt Lindsey's breathing slow down under her hand. She was sleeping. Tegan got out of bed slowly, careful not to wake Lindsey. She put on one of the fluffy robes and some slippers. She made herself a cup of tea and headed outside into the crisp night air. She breathed in deep and closed her eyes. She felt a lot better than earlier that evening but she was still weak. She walked to a large pool lounger and lay down on it out of breath. She listened to the crickets and looked at the night sky and smiled. "Tegan?" she heard Sara's voice ask. "Hey Sar. Couldn't sleep either?" she said. "Yeah... something like that" said Sara. She was holding a cuddly looking blanket and wearing some sweat pants and a hoody. "Are you supposed to be out here all alone Tee? Don't want you to get sick again" said Sara. "I'm fine. I'm dressed like an eskimo Sara..." said Tegan rolling her eyes. "Yeah but... what if you pass out again or..." Sara got cut off by Tegan. "I feel fine Sara. I'm nowhere near passing out I promise". Sara looked at Tegan concerned but decided not to say anything further. "Can I join you?" she said. "Sure... If you're willing to share the blankie" smiled Tegan. Sara lay down next to Tegan and covered them both with the blanket. She stared up into the night sky. "It's beautiful isn't it." she smiled. Tegan suddenly became aware of her emotions. Her heart was aching and she felt her throat become thick. "This is gonna sound so cheesy but I'm so happy I get to lie here and look at the night sky again like when we were kids" said Tegan. "Hell yeah!" smiled Sara. "I... I don't know what I would've done if we lost you Tee" said Sara seriously. "Been an only child?" joked Tegan. "That's not funny" laughed Sara and turned serious again. "I was so fucking petrified" she said. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that Sar" said Tegan. "You don't have anything to be sorry about Tee. I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose". They stared out at the stars in silence for a few minutes. "Tegan..." whispered Sara. "Yeah Sar" replied Tegan. "It's weird but... I feel closer to you than ever and I don't know why but... I just feel more connected somehow" said Sara. "Yeah me too... I had a weird twin thing this afternoon when you went to the police station. I was so scared but... it wasn't my fear it was... I don't know it's just hard to explain..." said Tegan. "When you were... God I still struggle to just think about it" said Sara and inhaled deeply. "When you were in cardiac arrest I... don't laugh now..." said Sara. "Jeez Sara I won't laugh" said Tegan frowning. "I think I felt your pain" said Sara frowning. "I could feel the shocks from the defibrillator running through you. I could feel those compressions on your chest. I completely lost it. I was screaming like a maniac, they had to sedate me. Maybe it's my imagination but fuck... it was weird" said Sara. Tegan giggled. "I thought you weren't gonna laugh" said Sara looking disgusted. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because when I woke up after that psycho yanked my drips out and shot you while I was out I felt so much pain in my abdomen and shoulder... It was excruciating, and then I figured out you were shot but I didn't know where. Only heard much later that it was your abdomen and shoulder" said Tegan seriously. "And I stopped feeling pain at some stage... It was so bad and then it just went away... then I heard you wailing a few seconds later" said Sara looking perplexed. "Well... if we weren't fucking weird enough to start off with" laughed Tegan. They lay in silence for a minute. "Hey Sasa... I think it's super cool and I'm glad it's you that I get to have this weird thing with" smiled Tegan. "Me too Teetee, just don't go and cut your finger making salad. I know how clumsy you get and I really don't want to pay for it" laughed Sara.

"Are you okay Sara?" asked Tegan after a minute of silence. "Yeah... sure..." sighed Sara. "My old weird twin thing is telling me you're not..." said Tegan. Sara waited a few seconds before replying. "I don't know... I was fine but today shook me up... it shook me to the core. I can't get her out of my mind and it's just brought back all these memories that I quite frankly don't know how to deal with." said Sara sounding emotional. "How can I help you Sar? I don't know how I can help you and it kills me" said Tegan, her voice breaking with emotion. "This is helping me Tee. Just talking, just chilling here with you tonight is helping me so, so much. I feel better already. Let's just talk shit for a while" smiled Sara.

Sara and Tegan lay with the blanket pulled below their chins on the lounger next to the pool talking for the next hour. Lindsey appeared and looked panicked. "Tegan! There you are! What are you doing here? I woke up and you weren't there and it scared the crap out of me" she said as she sat down on the lounger next to Tegan. "I couldn't sleep. I just needed some air and I didn't want to wake you." said Tegan. "You can't just wander off into the night alone Tegan... not when you just lost consciousness a few hours ago! I was so worried" said Lindsey sounding angry. "I'm with her. I'm not going to let her get hurt" said Sara. Lindsey looked at Sara but didn't say anything. She looked back at Tegan. "I'm sorry Linds. I won't do that again" said Tegan sounding like a small child. "You look tired Tee. Let's go back to bed." said Lindsey pulling the blanket off Tegan. She helped her up gently. Tegan turned around to Sara. Sara smiled and winked. "Thanks brother" said Tegan as she weakly started to make her way back into the house. "Goodnight guys" said Sara as she put her arms behind her head. She closed her eyes. For the first time since the identity parade she didn't think about what happened at the police station or when they were kidnapped. She smiled and said a silent prayer of thanks for her sister.

_A/N: This chapter may be a bit slow moving but I'm a bit slow myself today. Jet lag sucks. Review please!_


	62. Chapter 62

Tegan was exhausted by the time Lindsey helped her into bed. The day drained her completely and she fell asleep almost instantly. A couple of hours later Lindsey woke up when Tegan stirred next to her. Tegan made a whimpering sound and moved her head from side to side. Lindsey watched as her lips and her facial muscles moved. Tegan suddenly seemed distraught. She mumbled something that Lindsey couldn't make out. She looked scared and mumbled again, louder this time "No... no please..." Lindsey started to get worried and shook Tegan's shoulder lightly "Wake up baby" she said. Tegan's breathing became shallow and rapid. "Nooo... nooo this can't be... no don't stop... no... no... Lindsey" said Tegan in her sleep. "Tegan! Wake up! You're having a nightmare, wake up!" said Lindsey now almost shouting. Tegan's facial muscles contracted again and she started crying, harder and harder... each sob louder and more heart breaking than the first. "Noooo" she mumbled through sobs and shook her head from side to side. She flapped her arms and was breathing fast. Lindsey shook her harder this time "Tegan! Tegan! Wake up!" she shouted. Sonia came into the room after being woken up by the commotion. "What's going on is everything okay" she asked. Tegan's eyes flew open but she was still sobbing and starting to hyperventilate. She seemed to not be registering where she was. She was struggling for breath through her sobs... "I can't... I ... please... babies" she sobbed. "Tegan! Baby I'm right here! Right here! Tegan it was just a dream sweetie! Just a dream" Lindsey tried to console Tegan. Tegan just sobbed some more in her arms, struggling to breathe. Her body shook as she wept. Sonia moved closer, "Tegan! It's mom... It was just a nightmare. Sweetie, try to calm down please" she said. "Tegan was now sobbing hysterically. Sonia had never seen her wail like this, she started to panic. "Aaaaagghhh Lindsey" she cried. Lindsey just held her close to her chest "I'm here Tegan, I'm right here". Tegan was now starting to wheeze. "... can't... breathe..." whispered Tegan holding her throat. "Sonia, call Kate" said Lindsey looking panicked. Sonia seemed terrified and grabbed Lindsey's cell phone from the nightstand. "Kate... sorry to wake you... it's Tegan... please come down I think she needs help" said Sonia into the phone. Tegan seemed to be calming down slightly as Lindsey rubbed her back. "Shh baby, just a dream" she whispered. Stifled moans escaped Tegan's throat every few seconds. She suddenly started sobbing loudly again just as Kate came running into the room with her medical bag. She was in her pyjamas. "What's going on" she asked panting. "I don't know I think she may be having a panic attack. She had a nightmare and I just can't calm her down. She's freaking out" said Lindsey putting Tegan down on the pillows again. Tegan seemed to lose it when Lindsey let go of her. "Lindsey... No!" she wailed. "I'm right here Tee, right here." said Lindsey and she held Tegan's hand tight and put her other hand on her chest. She felt Tegan's erratic breathing under her hand.

Kate put two fingers on Tegan's neck and felt her pulse. It was sky high. She took Tegan's face in both her hands "Tegan... Tegan open your eyes and look at me!" she said calmly but firmly. Tegan opened her eyes. "Calm down... take a deep breath... come on... nice deep breath, everything's okay... it was just a dream... Just a dream. Everybody's fine" said Kate holding Tegan's face and looking into her eyes. Tegan seemed to calm down slightly. Kate wheeled the oxygen from behind the room divider and put the mask on Tegan's face. "Easy Tee... deep breaths... slowly" she said as she listened to Tegan's heart. The electronic BP monitor beeped and Kate looked at the result. "I'm hooking her up to the ECG her vitals are all over the place" said Kate. Tegan tried to sit up but dizziness forced her to plonk back down. "Linds... Lindsey..." she mumbled. "Right here baby" said Lindsey and stroke Tegan's cheek. "Are you okay... are the babies okay" asked Tegan looking scared. "We're all fine sweetie... it was just a nightmare! Shhh relax for me" said Lindsey. Lindsey watched Tegan calm down as Kate attached electrodes to her chest. "I'm okay Kate... I'm sorry... Sorry... I'm fine..." said Tegan. "I just need to make sure buddy, you just relax for me and keep taking nice deep breaths. Your pulse ox is quite low" said Kate. Tegan looked up at Lindsey's face and her chin started quivering, she was fighting for breath again. "Linds... you're okay" she said as she started sobbing again wheezing for breath in between. "Tegan calm down now bud or I'm going to have to sedate you" said Kate. She flipped on the monitor and it came alive visualising Tegan's rapid and erratic heart rate. Kate had a look of concern on her face. "Okay Tee I need to get you on another IV – just relax everything's fine" said Kate. "Please don't take me back to hospital" said Tegan sounding winded. "I'm going to try my best not to buddy" she smiled. "I was so scared Linds... it didn't feel like a dream..." said Tegan and let out another sob. Her heart rate sped up even more as images from the nightmare came back to her. Kate injected something into Tegan's IV and a few seconds later the drugs made her eyelids start to droop, she tiredly tried to force them open, she was mumbling something incomprehensible scared to go back into her dream, a nightmare where she lost Lindsey and their babies on the same day.

A few minutes of monitoring followed. Kate had the stethoscope on a drugged up Tegan's chest again and started speaking as she took it out of her ears and hung it around her neck. "The panic attack caused some arrhythmias that I'm having some trouble controlling. That's causing her BP and pulse ox to be way too low. I think we may have to re-admit her I need to monitor her for the next day or two." said Kate. Lindsey started crying "No... she's gonna hate this" she said. "She's okay guys but we need to monitor her heart. Her heart muscles were compromised significantly while she was in hospital and this kind of strain really is not good. We need to make sure she doesn't crash suddenly" said Kate looking worried. She took another two IV bags out of the supply box and inserted two more lines into Tegan's arm "I'm going to put her on some meds and keep her here for the next few hours, let's see how she goes. If need be we can admit her a bit later. But, whether we admit her or not, she's still going to need to go the hospital for some tests and scans." said Kate. "She was fine a few hours ago. She was walking outside. Chatting, laughing. She was fine" said Lindsey.

Kate sat next to Tegan's bed carefully studying her heart monitor for the next hour. Dawn was breaking outside. "What's the verdict doc?" asked Sonia. "Her pressure is still quite low and her oxygen levels are struggling. As a result her cardiac output is low. I'm sorry guys but we're gonna need to get her back to the hospital." Lindsey looked at Tegan sleeping. She stroke her hair. She didn't want Tegan back in hospital but she wanted her healthy so she was happy to agree to whatever it took to get her there. "It's okay baby... Kate's gonna take good care of you" she whispered. Kate quickly got dressed in the clothes Sonia brought her from the main house.

Sara came running into the room looking upset. "What's going on? Tegan? Tee? What... I don't understand... what's going on?" she repeated. "No... dammit... no..." she said as tears burst from her eyelids after Kate informed her of what's going on. "But... but last night she was fine... She was fine... A panic attack caused this? How? What the hell was she panicking about? She doesn't look panicked any more she seems fine?" rambled Sara upset. "We don't know. She's okay Sara, I just want to do some tests and scans. She was due to go for these anyway tomorrow. I'd rather be too careful and do them now! I'm hoping we can have her out of there today still or maybe tomorrow. But let's just make 100% sure she's okay" said Kate and smiled. Tegan stirred and opened her eyes. She looked around the room confused. "Hi baby" said Lindsey. "What happened..." whispered Tegan. "You're okay Tee. We're just going to take you to the hospital for a few tests" said Kate. Tegan's heart monitor sped up significantly "No... No please don't... I'm okay... okay..." she mumbled. "Whoa! Take it easy. You probably are Tegan but I need you to trust me on this one okay" said Kate. Tegan put both her shaky hands under the mask and over her mouth. "Fuck..." she whispered and closed her eyes.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

Tegan was due to be taken to the hospital by helicopter. It wasn't urgent that she gets there fast but Kate felt that it would be less commotion than an ambulance with the paps still outside and Tegan attached to monitors and oxygen she didn't want to take her in a car. She also had another motive although she didn't want to admit it to herself, Nancy. She called her to ask for a favour and Nancy happily obliged. Kate felt butterflies when she saw the chopper land on the lawn and Nancy jump out and walk over to her. Nancy smiled her amazing smile and Kate's heart jumped. Damn, she's so hot! Thought Kate and chuckled. "Hey stranger" smiled Nancy. "Hey Nance..." said Kate and gave her a long hug. "Thanks for arranging this" she said. "No problem, we were just lazing around anyway. Pretty slow morning so far. Is Tegan okay?" she asked. "Yeah, I think so but I want to run some tests. Don't want to drop the ball now" said Kate as they walked over to the house with the gurney. "Listen Nance... I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. These last few months have just been crazy. I haven't really had much personal time. None in fact" smiled Kate. "I just want you to know that I wasn't ignoring you on purpose. I would understand if you moved on... but if you haven't.. I'd love to try and take you on a date again... a less stressful one this time... I think about you all the time" said Kate and blushed. Nancy smiled "I'd love to go on another date, maybe we'll be able to schedule it in before we both retire" she laughed and put her arm around Kate's shoulder and squeezed it as they walked towards the house. "We'll sort something out. Let's get Tee out of here... I've missed you Kate" she said.

Tegan was in the CT scanner staring at the scanner roof about 30cm from her face. She used to be slightly claustrophobic but during her lengthy stay in hospital that included numerous CTs she got over her issues fast. She felt fine again although her eyes were still burning and her neck muscles and throat were a bit sore. She silently hoped she didn't hurt her vocal cords again with all her wailing. She closed her eyes as she thought about her post nightmare freak-out earlier. She was embarrassed. She put up quite a fight when being wheeled out to the chopper on a stretcher insisting that she's fine to walk. She heard Kate's calm voice over the intercom. "You're doing great in there Tee. Almost done... you're just fine".

The morning was filled with a myriad of tests, function of every organ you can think of was tested and Tegan felt as if she didn't have any more blood left to be drawn. Tegan was lying on a bed in a room waiting for Kate to get back with her test results. She didn't speak much the entire morning. She felt like crap but she was also quite despondent to be back in the hospital and her earlier nightmare still upset her. She held Lindsey's hand tight and stared out the window. "Baby... what were you dreaming about?" asked Lindsey softly stroking Tegan's knuckles with her thumb. Tegan stayed quiet for a minute. She swallowed hard, "I... can't remember" Her heart monitor sped up exposing her lie. "Sweetie... you can tell me" said Lindsey. "I really don't want to talk about it Linds...please" said Tegan and looked out of the window. "That's okay baby" smiled Lindsey and kissed Tegan's hand. "Hey Teegs, where do you want to get married?" said Lindsey trying to change the atmosphere in the room. "I don't know" sighed Tegan and closed her eyes. "Canada? LA? Maybe we should just elope to Vegas" said Lindsey. "Does it really fucking matter" snapped Tegan. As soon as she did she regretted it. She bit her bottom lip and opened her eyes to see Lindsey look taken aback. "I'm sorry!" she said quickly. "I didn't mean that... I... I'm just... distracted" she whispered. "Where do you want to get married? I'll do whatever you want to do" said Tegan. "No Tegan, I want you to choose with me... not leave me to choose" said Lindsey. Tegan closed her eyes and sighed. "Sometimes I don't get girls... We can decide later okay" she said. "No problem, I just thought it would be nice to have something else to think about right now" she said. "Lindsey... I'm back in hospital and by the sounds of it I'm not doing too well so I'm a bit preoccupied okay..." said Tegan looking annoyed. "Exactly my point..." said Lindsey. Tegan turned her head away and closed her eyes. Lindsey could see Tegan's jaw clench and release a few times in quick succession. "Tegan... feeling sorry for yourself won't help" said Lindsey. Tegan breathed in deep through her nostrils as if to calm herself down. "I think I'm allowed to feel sorry for myself right now... just ... just..." Tegan was becoming more and more angry and also more out of breath. She picked up her hand and made a dismissive gesture. Lindsey just stared at her. Tegan was the sweetest, most awesome person in the world and Lindsey was head over heels for her but she also knew just how full of shit she could be some days. But she understood her. She knew her better than she knew herself so she just let her be. She felt Tegan squeeze her hand in a silent apology and she squeezed back. Lindsey had a sudden realisation that Tegan did indeed have the right to feel sorry for herself. Lindsey leaned over and kissed Tegan on the cheek.

Tegan slowly turned her head back when Kate walked in a few minutes later and broke the silence. "Hey buddy! How are you feeling?" she smiled. "I'm okay" said Tegan softly. "Well, I'm sure you're pretty tired right now. Your BP is back to a more normal range after some IV drugs, so is your pulse ox. I want to do another quick echo of your heart though. Your pulse is still quite high even with the drugs." she said. "Why is that?" asked Lindsey. "Well, her heart had quite a hectic workout this morning and it's just really working quite hard right now to get all the systems back on track" said Kate. "When can I go home" asked Tegan emotionless. "Well let's do the echo, that will be the determining factor. Tegan closed her eyes for a few seconds, she was so tired. She was worried because she was starting to feel the same as when she was in ICU – too exhausted to open her eyes. She forced her eyes open again. "Kate..." she said softly "Why... How can a nightmare cause all this?" she asked. "Well, I don't think the panic attack caused all of it. Let's not forget that you weren't exactly feeling groovy yesterday either." said Kate. "Great... Now I don't even have something to blame for this..." said Tegan sarcastically. "Tegan... I know this is hard. I know that all you want right now is to be better, get back to your music; to your life... be back to normal... You're gonna get there okay, just take it one day at a time and allow yourself some time to recover. There's bound to be a few bumps in the road. You need to allow yourself those too" said Kate seriously. "This is just a bump okay... we're going over it fast just hang on" said Kate softly as she prepared the Echocardiogram. She gently pulled down the covers and put the probe on Tegan's chest and started rolling it around. Lindsey looked at the screen displaying her beloved's beating heart and felt the tears well up. She felt Tegan weave her finders into hers. She looked at Tegan. She looked pale and tired but she gave Lindsey a wink and mouthed "I love you" followed by a smile.

_A/N: Oh dear... poor Teegs. Good thing she has her boo with her. Review, review, review please!_


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

Kate turned off the echo and smiled. "I'm not gonna lie to you, the old ticker is not quite what it should be yet but you're okay. You need a few days of proper rest and you should be fine. Everything else is looking good. Your lungs are making good progress. Looks as if all that therapy is paying off." she smiled. "Thank you Kate" said Lindsey as she spontaneously threw her arms around Kate's neck. She turned to Tegan with a huge grin. "You're okay baby... you hear that". Tegan was smiling weakly "Thanks doc... when can I go home" she asked. "Man, can you nag!" laughed Kate. "I want to keep you overnight for observation and then I'm going to be keeping you in bed at home for the next few days." she said. "Can't I go now?" asked Tegan, she looked tired. "You're not going through the rigmarole of getting home and getting settled now, it's late. You've had an incredibly draining two days, just rest now." "I'm okay I can go now" said Tegan trying to sound brave. "Tegan, listen to me... if you didn't have me living on the same premises as you right now there would be no way you could go home tomorrow... or this week... never mind today. You're too tired to talk without slurring. You're staying right where you are tonight. If you behave you can go home tomorrow morning" said Kate sternly. "God... you're so strict" mocked Tegan sounding winded. "Okay then... I'll stay but I don't want everybody to be sleeping in the waiting room or in a chair again" said Tegan. "I'm staying right here" said Lindsey immediately. Tegan turned to her "Linds... you need your rest, you have to take care of yourself. Please go home and get a proper night's sleep" said Tegan. "But I want to stay with you" said Lindsey. "Lindsey... please sweetie. Please take care of our kids... please" said Tegan and started to tear up and become visibly upset, her heart monitor sped up. "Hey, hey... Tegan just relax now" said Kate looking concerned. "We'll wheel another bed in here and Lindsey can sleep in style next to you. How does that sound?" asked Kate. Tegan sniffed, "No... she won't sleep well here... please Linds..." Lindsey looked at Tegan surprised that she didn't want her in the hospital next to her, then it hit her, Tegan's nightmare was about her losing the babies and about losing her. Lindsey's face changed in a second. "Okay sweetie... I'll go home just calm down. I'm okay Tegan, the babies are fine too" she said softly looking spooked. "Can Sara or Sonia stay with you?" she asked. "No I'm fine... I'm a big girl" said Tegan.

Tegan was sent home the next day. It wasn't easy convincing the support team to go home but eventually they did, only because they knew Kate would be there. Tegan was still weak and slept most of the few days, she actually followed doctor's orders, not because she was a model patient but because she was really that exhausted.

"Morning my lovelies. What a beautiful one it is" said Tegan as she walked into Erin's house a few days later looking a whole lot better, she had a grin on her face and her cheeks actually had some colour. "Hey Sasa, eat up, today we jam" she said and pulled a dorky dance move. "Somebody's feeling better?" said Emy as she poured Sara another cup of coffee. "I'm telling you, those few days of rest did me the world of good I feel like a new person... one that still walks like a tortoise but still, it's better than walking like a snail" laughed Tegan. "Hey supergirl... take it easy you know what happened last time you pushed things too fast" said Kate looking up over the rims of her glasses from her morning paper. "Yeah yeah killjoy..." said Tegan and rolled her eyes. "You're like a naughty school girl Tegan" said Sonia. "When are you getting rid of these casts girls?" aaked Tegan. "Tomorrow hopefully, I can't stand this itching anymore" said Erin as she pushed a knitting needle down her cast and scratched. "Yeah and I think we're both starting to smell a bit, God knows what's going on under here!" said Sara looking annoyed. "Oh man... TMI Sar, TMI" laughed Tegan and started scoffing down some cereal. "Good to see you've got your appetite back" said Kate. Tegan gave her a gummy smile with a milk mustache.

Tegan was sitting in Erin's large living room with Gerty her favourite guitar on her lap. "Man how I've missed you my pretty girl" she whispered. She started tuning and looked excited and happy. She sat in silence for a while. "Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Sara. "Just contemplating which song to play first" said Tegan. "Think more folk and less rock please... Take it easy" said Kate. Tegan smiled and rolled her eyes. She started playing and looked up at Sara. Sara smiled broadly and nodded her head.

The sounds of Fix you up escaped the guitar and Tegan started singing softly. Her voice felt weird. She was used to singing every day of her life. Lindsey used to joke that she had a soundtrack to her life because Tegan was always singing, day and night. Lindsey stood in the corner taking photos. She put the camera down and put her hand in a fist in front of her mouth as her emotions started to get the best of her. Tegan sounded slightly hoarse at first but it was the most beautiful thing she's ever heard. Sara joined her and their beautiful harmonies filled the air. Three quarters through the song she put her hand on her stomach and exclaimed "They're kicking! They're kicking!" Tegan stopped mid sentence and looked up "Oh my God", she whispered. Lindsey walked over and took Tegan's hands where she was still sitting. She put them on her stomach. Tegan looked up amazed, her mouth hanging half open. "Give it a sec...There!" exclaimed Lindsey. Tegan's expression changed into one of pure joy. "There it is again" she smiled. "Hi kids! Do you like the singing?" said Tegan as tears streamed down her face. Tegan put her head on Lindsey's belly "I love you two peanuts so much. And I love your mommy peanut too" she said rubbing Lindsey's belly. Everybody in the room then tried to feel but the kicking stopped. "They're shy all of a sudden" said Lindsey. "Come on babies, say hi to your grandma and your aunties" said Tegan. "Sing something else Tee" said Lindsey. Tegan started playing again "The first time I saw your pic I knew, I was meant for you... The first time I felt you kick I knew, I was meant for you..." Lindsey giggled. Sara and Sonia had their hands on Lindsey and Sara looked over with a massive grin and gave Tegan the thumbs up.

_A/N: Don't say I never give you happy chapters! ;) Review please!_


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